Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Main Event Bert in the Hot Seat

Tonights guest in the hot seat is Bert Mayers who claims the dust storm here has impacted his business. He claims that Gert is satiring his site and trying to steal his customer and giving him a bad name.

1 The confusion between you and Gert is a genuine problem? Even regular posters confuse you with Gert. Has this confusion hurt your business?

2 How does someone with a blog that has no comments become an expert on Developing a Web Presence? What criteria determines who is the real expert on developing a web presence?

3 Does one need social skills to develop a Web Presence? The person who is mistaken for you comes across like a cross between an axe murderer and Snagglepuss.

4 Does nudity enhance your web presence. Sonia Belle uses a naked avatar and nudity on her site. Is Sonia a rare case where nudity is done well and an exception to the rules of enhancing your Web Presence.

5 We have a couple of posters who have blogs with catchy titles Nicotine and Rock is catchy but Jams O'Donnel wins the prize for Plant Porn and Pussycats. Does a catchy title enhance your web presence.

6 There is some rumors about you lifestyle. Some say that you are a chick magnet and others say you are gay. Does lifestyle affect your web presence? Or does sex change to a noun when your web presence is large enough?

7 Does creativity enhance your web presence? Your immitator does not seem to write his own posts everything is cut and paste?

8 Does being too predictable diminish your web presence? This Gert guy runs attacks on Israel almost every day? On the rare day he isn't he is running a post about homosexuality?

9 Should a site that is supposedly about developing your web presence have content
about web presence? This Gert detractor doesn't write about developing anything on his site? The Crankfiles does write posts about Cranks.

10 Speaking of the Crankfiles, does the use of subliminal messages enhance your web presence? It seems Mr Beamish has been placing hidden messages in his blog such as Beamish in 08 and Lees Fries Chicken Rules encoded in the text.

11 How does one measure the size of his web presence?

12 There is also the notion that free publicity is good for developing your Web Presence? Is posting I am not Gay on several sites an effective publicity campaign?
I look at that ad campaign and can't figure it out. Posting I am not gay does not seem like an effective strategy to boost your web presence.

13 This immitator also seems to think unprovoked attacks on people who never even heard of him is a valid way to enhance his web presence. He was on Florian's site launching an incoherent attack on Florian who never even heard of the guy?

14 Do incoherent statements like I am not an ant-semite you Jewish idiot enhance your web presence? This Gert guy seems to spend alot of time writing about things he
is? Lets see he isn't gay? He isn't an anti-semite. He isn't a communist? He isn't Creative? He isn't Sane? He spends alot of time and effort writing about what he isn't? Is this a poor marketing strategy for developing your web presence?

15 Does one even need a blog to have a large web presence? This Ducky guy and Kuhnkat seem to have large web presences without blogs.

16 Does an efective avatar exhance your web presence? Obvious Sonia's avatar does get
attention. The Duck's avatar still reminds me of Carlos the Jackal. The Avatars of AOW, Mr Beamish, TMW and Warren seem to be effective. Mark Alexander even uses his book as an avatar and gets free advertising. Is the avatar of this pretender telling us he is some sort of couch potato?

17 The blog of Jam's ODonnel features botanical pornography and felines behaving badly. Are these effective ways to enhance a web presence.

18 What does one do with a web presence anyway? You can't take it to the bank. Why is it so vital to develop a web presence?

19 How does one become an expert at developing a web presence?

20 Does having a good sense of humor develop your web presence? Mr Beamish, Kuhnkat
and Farmer John are well known for their sense of humor. One of the thinks that seperates you from this Gert guy is he has no sense of humor.

21 Does being a web expert provide you with a good income? Who would want to hire a web expert that can't even anyone to comment on his site?

22 How does one measure a web presence? Is it the number of visitors, comments, trolls or is something more subtle?

23 Florian inquired about boosting his readership the other day. Would an enhanced
web presence boost his readership?

24 Were thoses pictures of you and Pam Anderson an attempt to lure some of Sonia's readers?

25 Is there anything more important than a web presence?

67 comments:

bert said...

Those are some very interesting questions. I can see that you are seriously interested in expanding your web presence! Perhaps one day your web presence will be as large -ass mine.

Farmer John said...

So where's the beef, beak, or are we having turkey?

beakerkin said...

Bert we are offering you free publicity and that will enhance your web presence.

Have you considered product placement on your blog as a revenue stream. This blog could have visine as it gets rid of reds.
Mr Beamish could get a weapons maufacturer to sponsor him. Jam's could get product placement from a Kitty litter company.

What products could your imitator place? Sominex??? Prozac???

Warren said...

"What products could your imitator place?"

ExLax

bert said...

And I thank you for this opportunity, mr. beakerkin. Can I call you beak? I think I'll post my responses in groups of 5. Here's the first:

1 The confusion between you and Gert is a genuine problem? Even regular posters confuse you with Gert. Has this confusion hurt your business?

Let's be honest. It did at first, but by concentrating on developing my web presence and belittling his futile attempts to defame me, I turned the whole situation to my advantage. His silly antics tracking you and other bloggers down and calling you names and threatening you, only piqued peoples curiosity about who this boring and obnoxious troll was. And now that everyone knows that his attacks weren't really directed at you, but were actually targetting me, well we can all just laugh at how pathetic that is. For everyone knows...I have real web presence, and he has, well, he probably has a camel for a roomate.

2 How does someone with a blog that has no comments become an expert on Developing a Web Presence? What criteria determines who is the real expert on developing a web presence?

Well obviously, a person with a commentless blog has no real web presence. It takes much more than a blog to develop web presence. It take vim, vigour, and pinache. It takes personality. It takes a certain cutesy likability. And my nemesis has none of these things. All he has is his boring "Religion is bad... Intelligent design is stupid... blah... blah... blah..." He's obvious drunk on his own Kool-Aid! And who wants to swim in that disgusting swill? And so the criteria for a successful web presence is in how many Internet friends actually show up at your regularly to chat. And they don't usually want to chat about..."intelligent" design. They want to know who's going to win on American Idol. Cause the Idols... they have presence. A boring blog has absolutely NO presence. How can you tell? NOBODY'S PRESENT!

3 Does one need social skills to develop a Web Presence? The person who is mistaken for you comes across like a cross between an axe murderer and Snagglepuss.

Social Skills are essential for developing a successful web presence. People who come across like an axe-murderer are simply people who have drunken their own Kool-Aid and are trying to sell you something that probably isn't good for you. Whatever has to be sold by pouring it down the other persons throat can't be good for you... especially if that other person stands to gain something from it. Hey, if the Real Estate Agent isn't willing to "please me", why should I buy her property? And would you take advice from an axe murderer about social skills or developing web presence?

4 Does nudity enhance your web presence. Sonia Belle uses a naked avatar and nudity on her site. Is Sonia a rare case where nudity is done well and an exception to the rules of enhancing your Web Presence.

Nudity actually limits your web presence. I'm sure it attracts lots of teenage boys and dirty old men, but it doesn't attract many sensible, practcal people, and most of those people don't want there kids anywhere near you. So yeah, if you want to limit your web presence to horny teenagers and skuzzy old men, then SURF NAKED! But if you want to be able to talk to everybody, even kids, then get yourself a loveable, likable avatar like mine. After all, I want my web presence to be on every computer monitor in the entire world!

5 We have a couple of posters who have blogs with catchy titles Nicotine and Rock is catchy but Jams O'Donnel wins the prize for Plant Porn and Pussycats. Does a catchy title enhance your web presence.

A catchy title targetting search engines can help you initially, but its' the return vistors you should be after. These are the people who will come back, again and again because they actually appreciate your web presence. One timers are like walking past strangers on a sidewalk. Most of them, you want to keep on walking by. You want to attract the kind of people you're interested in. Not kooks and trolls and one-nite-standers.

bert said...

6 There is some rumors about you lifestyle. Some say that you are a chick magnet and others say you are gay. Does lifestyle affect your web presence? Or does sex change to a noun when your web presence is large enough?

Androgeny is the perfect means of appealing to both sexes and all genders. You want people to think..."Is he, or isn't he, available?" Look at David Bowie, Prince, Michael Jackson, Mick Jagger. Girls want them. Men want them. It's the best of BOTH worlds! And no, sex does NOT become a noun once you develop your web presence. I have sex on-line all the time! Hmmmm. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

7 Does creativity enhance your web presence? Your immitator does not seem to write his own posts everything is cut and paste?

Why do people want to have a web presence if NOT to express their own creativity? And if your web presence is simply a cut and paste, who's presence are you presenting? Your own, or somebody elses? You want to develop YOUR web presence. Not somebody elses. That's RULE #1 of developing your web presence.

8 Does being too predictable diminish your web presence? This Gert guy runs attacks on Israel almost every day? On the rare day he isn't he is running a post about homosexuality?

Yes, it's like drinking wine. Yes, the first bottle gets you a bit heady. But after 6,000 bottles, ENOUGH! It's time to admit, that you're not a social drinker anymore...you're an ALCOHOLIC! And nobody but another alcoholic is going to want to drink from your bottle! So my advice is to have a variety of topics to post on. That same ole bottle of "Nightrain" wine 24/7 is not going to increase your web presence.

9 Should a site that is supposedly about developing your web presence have content about web presence? This Gert detractor doesn't write about developing anything on his site? The Crankfiles does write posts about Cranks.

That's because he has no real web presence.

10 Speaking of the Crankfiles, does the use of subliminal messages enhance your web presence? It seems Mr Beamish has been placing hidden messages in his blog such as Beamish in 08 and Lees Fries Chicken Rules encoded in the text.

Subliminal messages definitely enhance your web presence. I wouldn't have believed it until I learned about the subliminal arrow in the FedEx logo. It was that subliminal message that helped me to understand why I had stopped washing my own clothes in college and kept FedEx'ing my dirty laundry home to my mother for washing. Of course, it was the fact that she kept FedEx'ing clean clothes back to me that sold me on postive effect that can be achieved through subliminals.

Farmer John said...

I think it's more than bert's web presence that is expanding. Just look at his posture in that avatar! Secretary spread is in his future...

bert said...

11 How does one measure the size of his web presence?

I wrap a tape measure around my head. Do you know of another way?

12 There is also the notion that free publicity is good for developing your Web Presence? Is posting I am not Gay on several sites an effective publicity campaign? I look at that ad campaign and can't figure it out. Posting I am not gay does not seem like an effective strategy to boost your web presence.

No, it's not a very good strategy to alienate your readers. And in this case, it alienates the Gay Community. Whoever would keep posting that he is NOT gay, must be a closet gay homophobe. Especially if he keeps staring at or commenting about your genitals at the same time.

13 This immitator also seems to think unprovoked attacks on people who never even heard of him is a valid way to enhance his web presence. He was on Florian's site launching an incoherent attack on Florian who never even heard of the guy?

It's the Jim Jone's syndrome. He obviously thinks that everyone in Guyana wants to drink his Kool-Aid. That is so NOT cool!

14 Do incoherent statements like I am not an ant-semite you Jewish idiot enhance your web presence? This Gert guy seems to spend alot of time writing about things he is? Lets see he isn't gay? He isn't an anti-semite. He isn't a communist? He isn't Creative? He isn't Sane? He spends alot of time and effort writing about what he isn't? Is this a poor marketing strategy for developing your web presence?

The Democrats have been using that strategy successfully for many years now... "We're not Bush... We're not in charge... It's not our fault...", but over the long term it is NOT an effective way of develooping your web presence. People will remember you for what you do, NOT for what you didn't do.

15 Does one even need a blog to have a large web presence? This Ducky guy and Kuhnkat seem to have large web presences without blogs.

No, trolls should never have a blog. They fight Indian style and their fame follows them wherever they go. They are some of the enlightenned few who have a tremendous web presence through non-unitary web presence. On the internet, a web presence is NOT one website...it's EVERY web site!

bert said...

16 Does an efective avatar exhance your web presence? Obvious Sonia's avatar does get attention. The Duck's avatar still reminds me of Carlos the Jackal. The Avatars of AOW, Mr Beamish, TMW and Warren seem to be effective. Mark Alexander even uses his book as an avatar and gets free advertising. Is the avatar of this pretender telling us he is some sort of couch potato?

It can refelect who you are and what is important to you. But in Gert's case, No. All it tells us is that his graphical skills are limited to what can be produced in Microsoft Paintbrush.

17 The blog of Jam's ODonnel features botanical pornography and felines behaving badly. Are these effective ways to enhance a web presence.

They can be if you are seeking to attract plants and felines into your reading audience.

18 What does one do with a web presence anyway? You can't take it to the bank. Why is it so vital to develop a web presence?

The key word is vital. Your web presence represents your life. Was it "cut and paste" or was it unique and "worth living"?

19 How does one become an expert at developing a web presence?

By living.

20 Does having a good sense of humor develop your web presence? Mr Beamish, Kuhnkat and Farmer John are well known for their sense of humor. One of the thinks that seperates you from this Gert guy is he has no sense of humor.

Does Gospel music attract people to a church? Does Gospel music attract perverts to an Adult Bookstore. Or do people just come for the sermon, and want to skip the singing part? Humor is a part of life. Without humor, part of your life is missing.

bert said...

21 Does being a web expert provide you with a good income? Who would want to hire a web expert that can't even anyone to comment on his site?

It could if you really were a web expert. But if you aren't, no.

22 How does one measure a web presence? Is it the number of visitors, comments, trolls or is something more subtle?

Like I said before... get a tape measure and wrap it around your head. Do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Eventually, you'll stop measuring. At that point... you probably actually have web presence.

23 Florian inquired about boosting his readership the other day. Would an enhanced web presence boost his readership?

An enhanced web presence would definitely boost his readership. I've got a special web presence enhancement cream that is currently undergoing laboratory and animal testing in Antarctica. It should reach the market once a few kinks get worked out. It currently stimulates hair growth on the palms of your hands. I don't get it. Well, once that problem gets solved, it'll probably go for about $19.99 a bottle.

24 Were thoses pictures of you and Pam Anderson an attempt to lure some of Sonia's readers?

No actually they were taken to stimulate my readership beyond the Gay Community. My character was being type-cast from all those modelling appearances of mine in GQ and the Bert & Ernie rumours being spread by ex-agent from my "Muppet Show" days. And Pam was real good about the whole thing. Course, Tommy Lee tried to track me down, but that's a story for another day.

25 Is there anything more important than a web presence?

Only one thing. Living a real Life.

beakerkin said...

I like the idea of product placement on familiar blogs. However some blogs just don't lend themselves to it.

What products could we pitch on Liberty and Culture? We could pitch cameras on Uraban Infidel.
TMW could pitch religious books.

This blog could pitch the dictionary for my frequent mispellings.

bert said...

Anyone wanting any additional free information about developing your web presence should visit my web site. This material will be posted for a limited time only (through next week), so get it now while you can. After that, it'll cost you $500 to attend my web presence establishment seminars, $29.99 for 100 of my special web presence enhancement pills, or, you'll just have to wait until my web presence enhancement cream makes it throught the FDA approval cycle. Thank you all for taking the time to experience the Bert Mayers web presence. I'll now take any questions any of you may have. Again, thank you for reading.

Farmer John said...

How much will you be charging for those dictionaries, beak?

and Bert... you are so full of it, I'm just not going to say anything anymore.

beakerkin said...

I do not know but I get many visits on those mispellings. I get wacky hits all the time like yesterday for TMW beer.

However, when I tried to generate hits that way by creating a post spanking Communists it didn't work,

FJ Who was that great sage that wrote advice is worth what you pay for it? Was that Kuhnkat?

Farmer John said...

...it might have been kuhnkat. It sure sounds true!

Farmer John said...

So Bert, you wouldn't happen to have Pam Anderson's phone number, would ya? If so, please e-mail it to me.

thanks.

beakerkin said...

Farmer John

When we last heard from Beakerambo he was recovering from the unwanted attention of Mariah Carey.
Mariah mistook my friend actor Bruno Amato for Beakerambo. Amato was filling in for Beakerambo durring legal problems engineered by Ducky. Amato went of saying MeMiMeep with a grin and hasn't been seen since.

Farmer John said...

I miss beakerambo. He was nobodies plaything.

beakerkin said...

When I split with Mad Zionist Conspiracy Production Studios we had a custody battle. Beakerambo was awarded to me but the merchandise went to MZ who has a ton of lunchboxes.

He auditioned to Dancing with the Stars and did not get selected.

I will have to see if the E documentary the hidden life of Beakerambo is ready. Kidnappings, Abused as a sex object by Mariah Carey and the ultimate scandal reading used books with AOW.

The used book scandal has been tough on Beakerambo.

bert said...

I've looked over the web presence's of a few of your blogger friends and have some professional advise for some of them.

1) mr. beamish - You have marvellous web presence. I can't tell if there's a man or a sexy woman behind that gas mask. And you are so butch, I simply want to hang out with you all day and lob grenades at passing motorcars.

2) sonia - Put on some clothes, girl! You've got lots of web presence without having to make the men folk start thinking with their dumb sticks.

3) merry widow - You're presence is absolutely heavenly, but I've got a feeling there's an alter-ego in there just waiting to bust out and hit mr. ducky with a stick.

4) jams - Culture, culture, culture. I love it! But you've got to expand your horizons and start showing people the real creative you!

5) longrange - I'm scared. 'nuff said.

6) Always on Watch - Girl, you've got so much web presence, it seems like you're hardly present. But keep workin' it, girl! There's a lot of love out there for your web presence

7) mr. ducky - Damn, you need your own site, man. It should be filled with film and cinema and art and commentaries. The skies the limit for your web presence potential. Fill it!

8) Curtains - I love this girl. She has got more presence than presents and each presence is a present!

9) Gert - Wake up, my man, and smell the coffee. The Internet is just full of people out there dying to love you, but you gotta love 'em back! It isn't always about you.

10) Madze - Keep lovin' Israel, my man, but cut your homies some slack.

11) Freedom Now - You are hot buddy. You got web presence enough to fill a million hard drives. When you dive, you go deep. I love that.

12) Florian - You are going to be big, I just know it. The interviews are steamy and you'll give everybody a chance to say their peace. But then you can also draw the line. It's your web presence, too buddy! Don't let anyone forget that.

13) American Crusader - You are da man! I love your non-political site and all the crazy things you post about. It just goes to show that sometimes a man's web presence is not to be judged by the number of hits.

14) Liberty and Culture - Jason has oodles of web presence. It's a little more high brow than most people like, and that's great for the crowd you bring in. I might try and diversify my subject matter a bit more though, it's so serious!

15) beakerkin - Now you have more web presence than just about every blogger I've seen. You are creative and will tread wherever you heart takes you. And going where your heart takes you is one of the keys to having a successful web presence. So don't be so concerned about what your readers want to talk about... talk about what YOU want to talk about.

Now there are probably a gazzillion other sites that I should have said something about, but there's only so much time in a day and web presence to fill it with. Hope some of these comments help. If not, love me anyway! And buy my product! And download me over and over and over.

-Bert

bert said...

Oh, and elmers brother - Buy yourself a screen door! It's Spring and the house needs fresh air. Get your new son-in-law to install it for you! And keep adding to your web presence! I like it... it's a little bit country, and a little bit rock & roll.

beakerkin said...

Bert

I am sure Sonia is plotting some form of comedic revenge.

American Crusader said...

"Girls want them. Men want them. It's the best of BOTH worlds!"

Personally, I would hate to find out that someone had a man-crush on me. Androgyny isn't the best of both worlds, it's more like indecisiveness.

beakerkin said...

AC

It is a creepy feeling. I got those emails and it was just plain creepy.

American Crusader said...

Bad news fj...Pamela Anderson has stated she is she is giving up men.

American Crusader said...

bert...definitely one of the most entertaining interviews.

beakerkin said...

AC

This might be because Bert spoiler her. Onc you try muppet you can't get enough of it.

Hide Beakerambo or will Bruno Amato have to take another one for the team.

Farmer John said...

Pam's turned the age corner, AC. But like I told Pim's Ghost...

I ain't as good as I once was
I got a few years on me now
But there was a time, back in my prime
When I could really lay it down
If you need some love tonight
Then I might have just enough
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once
As I ever was ;-)


Never give up the ship! It's long hard, and full of seamen! Oy!

Farmer John said...

I volunteer to take one for beakerambo. I'd hate to see mariah stress him.

Always On Watch Two said...

Bert,
What an expert! Look at all the free expert advice we're getting here!

Bert said: I have real web presence, and he has, well, he probably has a camel for a roomate.

Does he rank highly enough to have a camel for a roommate? I was thinking more along the lines of a gerbil.

Always on Watch - Girl, you've got so much web presence, it seems like you're hardly present. But keep workin' it, girl! There's a lot of love out there for your web presence

Oh, I'm present, all right. I just don't always let others know that I'm present. And sometimes, real life takes precedent over my web presence. As you said:

25 Is there anything more important than a web presence?

Only one thing. Living a real Life.


Beak,
I'm never going to live down that I read used books. But at least Beakerambo reads them with me. Pure torture for him, though; he preferred reading new books with you.

Gert said...

I see you've decided, very foolishly, to reject the offer of a truce once again. All you needed to do is stop talking about me and you can't even do that. Well, keep looking over your cyber-shoulder. You're one of the saddest bloggers I've ever come across. Remember, push people and eventually they push back. But all in good time...

bert said...

I knew he'd show up.

gert, it's me, bert. Your alter-ego. Don't go away mad... come back and join the party. It's in your honour.

beakerkin said...

Gert

It is clear that you have been satiring Bert.

When are you going to get through your skull that terrorist threats make you look worse than any satire.

Nobody cares is you are gay or sleep with the fishes. None of that talk started until you made a series of threats. None of the Beakerpoop talk started again till you made threat. I am still firmly convinced that was you.

The problem is the threats and if you would have appologized this would have ceased long ago.

None of this material is any worse than the John Brown parody site you post on. Moreover, your antics have made Greg look 100 times worse. If Greg is some type of friend do you want to injure him further.

As far as being sad nothing is lower than the behavior you exhibited. FYI you should know enough about me to know even if it weren't you I would help Florian.

You want to end it appologize for the terrorist threats and the unprovoked attack on Florian and we call it even.

If it wasn't this you would find some other pretext. However, do remember several of us have some Greg Emails of our own. He will have much explaining to do. Moreover, if he is your friend the retaliation against him will be severe.

bert said...

gert is always so serious. The man is definitely gonna give himself a stroke.

and he can blame this on beak if he wants to, but beak's friends are getting a little sick of him showing up at our sights.

So unless he wants to multiply his problems, he should join the fun instead of storming out in a big huff.

Farmer John said...

I guess there's no pleasing some people. I'm just glad we don't have to please everyone.

I think I needa cup of coffee.

Farmer John said...

I guess gert didn't read where bert said he was burning the web presence site one week from now. And once it's gone, the memory of it will fade into oblivion. No one will remember it. But it would appear that the beaker - gert fued will continue into the indefinite future.

What a sad waste of time for everyone.

bert said...

Well, I forgive myself. As for gert, well, we all know what his web presence is like.


Anybody here know how to limbo?

beakerkin said...

FJ

He hasn't figured out that every threat he issues makes himself look worse.If it wasn't this he would merely find another pretext because it is a power trip.

He always finds a pretext. Nor was hs visit to Florian innocent. He has been stalking me for well over two years.

He has no relavance or life without me. Would anyone be talking about him if he weren't behaving like a jerk. It is an attention game and there are limits.

Farmer John said...

At least bert has real web presence!

beakerkin said...

FJ

If it wasn't this it would be something else. I had left Greg's site long ago and he starts these threats on Freedomnow's site.

The web is big enough that he can avoid sites I post on. I left MZ's site so he comes looking for Florian. He has had no contact with Florian and is well aware Florian posts here and I am there.

He launches an unprovoked attack knowing how I will respond. He plays this little game as a power trip. Yet each time he plays it he digs the hole deeper for Greg. Everyone is reminded what a lowlife Greg is all over again. Many people were on my back saying let Greg go. However, there are times crying apologies do not rate
consideration.

Whatever Gert thinks will be embarassing will have a limited annoyance factor. However, each new threat makes Greg look worse. Is Gert a true friend of Greg's?

All he needs to do is appologize to Florian and for the threats and go away.

Farmer John said...

I think we all know the story beak, and we agree. But let's try and put it behind us for a while and enjoy each others web - presences, and the absence of his. ;-)

beakerkin said...

FJ

Agreed

Maybe we can talk Bert into managing the Beamish in 08 run. To the best of my knowledge Mr Beamish does not have a web advisor. Bert is probably more affordable than Dick Morris.

Farmer John said...

...and he hangs out with a better class of people as well. We should ask him.

The Merry Widow said...

He should be as popular as a f.i.g. newton at a fat farm!

tmw

beakerkin said...

We need to ger the Beamish in 08
campaign moving.

I am surprised that Sonia has not plotted some sort of comedic revenge for Bert's quips.

Sonia is the only person immune from Mr Blackwell's worst dressed list. As she has no wardrobe Blackwell has nothing to say.

Mr. Ducky said...

Beak's Incoherent Terrorist

Once again, Beak, life proves that many things are not what they seem. I'm sure you will ignore it all.

bert said...

Don't get me wrong, as a dirty old pervert, I love sonia's avatar... but she should ask herself the question, does she really want me chasing her avatar all over the internet? What would ernie think?

And I'd be more than happy to advise the beamish in '08 campaign web presence. All I want in return is control of the Internet once he's elected.

beakerkin said...

Duck

Obviously the Stockholm Syndrome means nothing to you. The man is incoherent and should be in a mental facility permanently. Lets also not pretend he was motivated by watching the 700 clubs or the Waltons. This has far left mentally ill nut all over it.

Are you going to respond to the web Sage Bert's advice. Advice is worth what you pay for it.

Bert

I will have to check with Team Beamish but my hunch is control of the internet is a non starter.

bert said...

Okay, can I be head of DARPA instead? ;-)

beakerkin said...

We will have to check with the Great Patriot in the Gasmak when he stops in.

The Merry Widow said...

Besides, my very own blogger, big brother designed my avatar! It's nice to know that Warren's creativity and hard work are appreciated! After all, he designed his AND all 3 of his pesky baby sisters avatars!
Bert-You might want to hire Warren to design avatars for the creatively challenged, like Carlos the Jackel, er, ah, Ducky's...

tmw

bert said...

beak,

Have you ever seen the man(?) behind the mask? In all those bulky clothes, he kinda reminds me of Pamela Anderson in bondage gear...

Oooops. I don't think that I was supposed to mention that.

Tommy Lee, my man, I really didn't mean anything by it... we, we didn't really do anything, they were just publicity photos for my image.... really!

bert said...

I gotta feeling this particular avatar's life expectancy is severly limited. But by all means, mr. ducky, et al, should all seek out warren for avatar make-overs. In many cases, the avatar captures the very essence of a person's web presence.

Steve Harkonnen said...

Thanks to my OCD, I couldn't resist but to count how many times Bert boldened the words web presence. It was a total of 55 times, but that's not 100% accurate.

Oh Jeez, never mind. Maybe I should do it again.

Mr. Beamish the Kakistocrat said...

Roughly 85% of the world's internet traffic flows, out of necessity, through servers based in the United States. So, in effect, a President potentially "giving control of the internet" to someone is feasible (at least to the degree of telling the world to get their own internet). I'm impressed with Bert's ambition. This is the essence of a big, swinging web presence.

But, were it possible to outpace the Democratic Party's taxpayer funded vote fraud machine at the local level across America, enough to find myself President of these grand United States (which technically includes Massachussetts since we officially have to), I don't think I'd give control of the internet to anyone. Nah, that puppy's mine.

If Bert is a Project Thor advocate, I'd give him a PR stint at DARPA. The American people need to know we can take care of any problem on Earth for a few million dollars without the nasty radioactive side effects that come from burning mofos with out bottled sunshine. And make it look like Mother Nature's fault.

For we are a Christian nation, and God has commanded us to subdue the Earth.

Gert said...

Hmm... for some bizarre reason you published a comment by me. What a turn-up for the books!

This one won't be published but who cares. At least Beaker seems to read them. Let me summarise once again.

I have no interest in your blog, your little "community", Florian, FreedomNow or anything else that's associated with you.

I don't stalk you: I used to come here for a good laugh, now I only come here to see if by some miracle you may have decided to simply forget about me, so that I could also forget about you. No such luck of course.

It could all be so simple: stop talking about me and I won't start talking about you.

Your promise to retaliate to Greg really makes you look soooo manly. By the way: he's already indicated he doesn't give a god damn crap about your "retaliation".

But this will fall on deaf ears again: I've offered god only knows how many truces to you and all you do is throw a tantrum and make things worse.

Stop now and you can get back to writing about your favourite obsession: C-O-M-M-U-N-I-S-M.

What's more, within a week or so you could take down comment moderation: I have no interest in commenting here, not in the slightest. I leave dissent here to your one resident dissident, Mr Ducky, as any other form of opinion that doesn't meet with your and your cronies' approval gets deleted immediately anyway. Consider the advantages of simply shutting up about me.

beakerkin said...

Gert

You still do not get it. Every time you issue these threats you get some retaliation. Had you done normal trolling this would be forgotten.

The truth is you are either stupid
or playing more games. If you want people to quit talking about you all you need to do is go away. We have many more important things to discuss.

If you want peace leave and do not return.

I want to point out your stupidity once again. Ducky is a cast member,
his comments have never been censored because he knows how to behave. The problem is not dissent
as we have had plenty of it from day one. We do not permit crybabies
and people who issue threats on this site.

I know the Duck and his comments are off the wall but he is more man than you will ever be. He dishes it out plenty of attacks only they are subtle and witty. He also doesn't cty when he gets a dose of his own tactics.

If you honestly want peace and people to stop talking about you,
leave. Do not comment on sites I visit and you now what sites I am talking about. How many 167 comments have you heard. He hasn't been around in a while. Take a hint and vanish to parts unknown.

Mr. Beamish the Kakistocrat said...

And stop parodying Bert. Get your own web presence.

beakerkin said...

Bert

Will you take the offer to join the Beamish in 08 campaign?

Steve

The best satire contains enough truth to be funny.

Mr B

Bert is more affordable than Dick Morris.

Gert

Read the comments above stop issuing threats and leave. Everytime you issue threats you escalate the situation and make things worse. The Greg situation would have been long forgotten by most had you not highlighted his idiocy many times. You have reminded people that Greg is a lowlife and can never be trusted.

Kindly vacate the area and leave. You do not have editorial control
over what we say here. The reality is that everytime you issue threats you draw attention to yourself. Take a hint and stop making threats and the jokes will cease.

Do know unlike you I do not issue threats nor do I have any wish to damage anyone. However, nobody knows what cards I have in my hands. I assure you that Greg will not enjoy my retaliation. Moreover,
you know very well that if given reason I can be relentless.

Take my advice and just go away and the insults will stop. In reality you over estimate your importance in the greater scheme of things. You are a minor irritant
at best and there are larger fish to fry.

Gert said...

Very well then. I'll give you a week during which I won't even visit this place, you've got my word for that. You can verify it from your logs. After that week, I'll come and see if you've stopped talking about me altogether (insults or otherwise).

If you manage to do that, you'll never hear from me ever again and can take down comment moderation, as I have no wish to comment here at all or on any blogs on your blogroll. Again, you have my word for that.

I have no editorial control over your blog? Very true and I wouldn't want it either; trust me on that as well. But you have no editorial control over mine either.

Remember, so far not one single syllable has been said about you over at mine, NOT ONE IOTA. I have no intention of starting now, as long as you stop blabbering about me.

It's a perfectly reasonable compromise, we simply both have to keep to our end of the bargain. Simple. Pure. No loss of face for you or me. Perfect. You've had your fun and all you need to do is concentrate on whatever it is that takes your fancy, except for me, my person or my blog.

I'll check back next Saturday. If all is well, I won't even comment on it, here or elsewhere. I'll be gone forever. Fingers crossed...

jams o donnell said...

jams - Culture, culture, culture. I love it! But you've got to expand your horizons and start showing people the real creative you!

Thanks for your critique Bert

I've been quite pleased with the way my blog has progressed over its first year. I do get a fairly respectable traffic (about 4000 visitors a month, about 6000 pageloads)although it is not as interactive a blog as this one or Sonia's or others.

I had thought of being a bit more personal. I have been a bit wary of being more personal following some nasty things that happened to me in chat rooms. By comparison,however, the blogosphere is rather more tame In the second year of the Poor Mouth's existence I probably will be more personal

OH and more photography... blogging has been a way to sharpen up my modest photography skills

As for plant porn and pussycats, it was intended as a repository for photos. I might change it to Plant,Porn and Pussycats and cater for those who like cats, naked bodies and machinery and equipment. Perhaps spnosorhip from Hustler, Whiskas and Caterpillar won't be far off..... or perhaps not!!

beakerkin said...

Jams

I did enjoy Bert's joke that photos
of felines and plants are okay if you are trying to get them as a demographic group.

jams o donnell said...

That;'s true but sadly few cats are interested in teh blogosphere!

Farmer John said...

Not enough kitty-porn, eh! ;-)

beakerkin said...

FJ

Believe it or not Kittyporn is a female Thai first name. It cracks me up when I see it.

Farmer John said...

I sure hope they change their names before they get here... I'd rather be a boy named Sue.

beakerkin said...

They usually drop the porn suffix and stick with Kitty. The one that cracks me up is Bouguslawa it is a Polishish female name. Joo is a comon female womans name in some regions.