Saturday, January 27, 2007

The Cyber Roast

This is a chance for the readers and commenters to inflict comedic revenge on me. We
have a fresh supply of cheap booze and roadkill. Who brought in those botanical sex organs. Oh sorry TMW I forgot they are called flowers. Jams this is a cyber roast not
a mafia burial.

Today we celebrate 1000 posts on this blog. Unlike some of my critics every single post is done by hand. We do not do cut and paste jobs here. There are some throw aways like the Next posts. My posts are all hand made. Some of you have noticed a Beakerism when we spell Jew Jooooooooo. For some unkown reason this upsets anti- semites. Warren and I used to laugh at the contortions of 167 who was upset over a minor matter. He would go on at length about the extra ooooooo. Just recently Ducky complained about this.

One Beakerism has escaped this blog into odd places. The term Pseudostinian was my response to a term I didn't like on FPM Paleostinians. I find even my trolls have adopted this term and add the inept Fakestinians on other blogs. My trolls poultry excluded are not imaginative. I have found the use of that Beakerism on blogs that have nothing to do with the site.

I have a blog that is dedicated to satiring me. I do have a sense of humor and I did enjoy the John Brown satire of my posts on the Left Behind series and Superfly. The fact that his satire of me is better than his standard fare is just a fact John Brown will have to live with.

This blog for whatever reason even from its inception has always been a troll magnet. We do have an audience of far left types who read each and every day. However, I treat dissent in the manner it is presented. Now when Nanc talks about plaid of golf.... or when Ducky bashes Renoir...well you get the point.

I am honestly perplexed when far left types do not understand my disdain for Communists. Hello 100,000,000 dead, gulags, killing fields treason, but it must be me.

Now I know many of you are just waiting for your chance to inflict comedic revenge.
So I am prepared with a laundry list of all your secrets that will fall into the axis
of poultry.

Elmer told a knock knock joke in the sixth grade
Nanc wears "plaid" nooooo
TMW owned bunny slipers
AOW read used books. Imagine reading preread books at libraries.
Florian; Drank imported Beer.
Mr Beamish: Used munitions lower than .44
Ducky; Is a closed Renoir Fan
Justin: Has a Speedy Gonzales figurine
Warren: Drove a four cylinder vehicle
Kuhnkat; Did his trademark HAHAHA in lower case as an error
AC; Eats childrens breakfast cerals when nobody is looking
Rob: Uses Oneply toilet paper.
Freedomnow: Owned an Archies Commic
Farmer John; Grew the dreaded evil EGGPLANT
Jason Pappas: Remembers Wonderama and the theme song

Now that the forces of evil have all these tidbits you may begin to skewer me

Beammish in 08.

52 comments:

The Merry Widow said...

You never knew it, but my late and I grew eggplant AND BRUSSELS SPROUTS and ate them!!!!!!!!!!! ;-p
Actually, I never had bunny slippers, but I always wanted a pair, now I'll have to go out and buy some to keep you from being called a liar!
I also love black licorice...want to make something out of it? My 2 used to give me all the black jelly beans at Easter!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!

tmw
BTW-What's wrong with plaids?

beakerkin said...

Eggplant is eeeevil is a running gag. Plaid should never be worn below the waist.

I do not know why bunny slippers are funny but they are. Oddly so is green Jello that is my favorite ooops I outed myself there.

nanc said...

sooooooo, we're NOT frying rob?

plaid should be worn whenever one is feeling spunky! and when feeling extremely brutal - it must come in shades of chartreuse.

beak - i'm the only one here who likes green jello - i like it with pineapple chunks.

nanc said...

brussel sprouts make for lovely "pull my finger" moments...

Justin said...

Ayeeeeeeeeeeeee Aribbaaaa Aribbaaaa
whoooooooshesssssssss by Beak Pats him on the back. It ees good to see you back in your old form mi amigo. Winks winks Aribbbbbbaaa Aribbbbbbbaaa whoooooshhhhhhhhh.

Justin said...

Nanc green jello and pinapple chunks???? that is just sick girl just sick you should seek help :)

Hey Beak is it true what Nanc said about you being the Gatto Boy? She said you kept the gatto's to chase us meeces. oops here she comes got to run Aribbbaaaaaaaaaa swooooshhhh.

Robert Bayn said...

Hey Chico,

Me padre el Jewo, you be one of them americano. Si Senior, we support your war on terror, you be so good, gracious. What's you say, Communist, they be berry berry bad, no?

Si, mucho gracious on your 1,000, you no to bad for one of them, what you call it, republicans, I did see lord of what you call, rings, and all the goofy looking people and what you call, evil men, and all greedy and stuff, reminded me of a what you call, republcian convention.

but really congrats el chico, you be so great, yes, i say it from bottom of my heart!

i musta go now, i have a border to cross, and these what they call burritos are getting mucho smelly in what you call a bag.

adios amigo el Jewo!

beakerkin said...

Justin

Cats are a bad subject. Northwind is upset about Earl/ Psychocat. I took him in because of the cold around two weeks ago.

I am more upset over the Chicken Parm chunk Earl and I fought over.
You know who won that fight, Earl.

He will go back outside when it warms up.

Elmer's Brother said...

I received corporal punishment for telling that joke..so it's not like I was punished.

Beak I'm told you used to be a Jets fan. Take that.

beakerkin said...

Ouch

It is true that I used to root for the Jets as my other team. I am sooooooo ashamed.

Farmer John said...

Okay, okay. So I don't eat roadkill all the time, and I do actually like to munch on an occassional vegetable or two. But Like Bush '41, you'd better never try feeding me any broccoli, and only I am permitted to add vegetables to my dinner plate. Mrs. Farmer can place vegetables on the dinner table, but there are no guarantees that they'll get any closer to my lips than that.

And while we're on the subject of revealing secrets, I think you missed telling your audience about how you were once suspected by the local authorities of being a drug kingpin, by your suspicious habit of hanging out in bars and parking lots... reading books and working on your laptop.

beakerkin said...

FJ

That is 100% true. It is not as funny as the mishap with the Brazilian babe in NYC. Maybe someday I will go into that one.

The moral of that story is be careful of what you ask for lest you recieve it.

nanc said...

>^,,^<

raerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

fffffffffffttttttttttt!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

I love brocolli, especially steamed. Reminds me of eating little trees.

The smallest gun I've ever fired was a .22 rifle. Used to plink empty cigarette packs at 30 yards with it.

The biggest gun I've ever fired was an M2HB .50 caliber machine gun. Very satisfying. Used it to plink 50 gallon drums floating in the ocean off the side of my brother's ship during a family-friendly "Tiger Cruise."

Oh yeah, were supposed to be roasting Beakerkin.

Is it true that if you rearrange every mispelled word on this blog you'll have the full text of War and Peace?

beakerkin said...

Mr B

That could be true.

Farmer John said...

<:3)~~ *squeek-squeek*

Farmer John said...

Train...

Eggplant and caviar for you
For you for you for you
Eggplant and caviar for you

Elmer's Brother said...

war and peace Tolstoy's oxymoron....where's kuhnkat....hahahahahhahaha you oxymoron...

Always On Watch Two said...

AOW read used books. Imagine reading preread books at libraries.

Hey! I buy a lot of them so as to have them in my home library, which is bursting at the seams.

Of course, I don't buy the waste-of-paper ones. Why give financial and ratings support to a loser of a book?

Always On Watch Two said...

I hate brussel sprouts. ICK!

My Dad loved them; I think I overdosed on them.

Always On Watch Two said...

Nanc,
beak - i'm the only one here who likes green jello - i like it with pineapple chunks.

No you're not.

Always On Watch Two said...

Beak,
Northwind is upset about Earl/ Psychocat. I took him in because of the cold around two weeks ago.

You took in a cat???

Always On Watch Two said...

Mr. Beamish,
The smallest gun I've ever fired was a .22 rifle. Used to plink empty cigarette packs at 30 yards with it.

Almost the same here. We used to plink at those little gas- or oil-additive cans. Right here in Fairfax County. There's now a law forbidding such fun. Ugh!

Always On Watch Two said...

I'm convinced that Beak's spelling errors are some kind of secret code. But for what hidden purpose?

FLORIAN said...

Foreign beer Beaker? Sure I love Corona when I'm on the beach. San Miguel when I'm in Spain. Peroni when eating Italian. English Cider's are outstanding on occasion. But nothing beats Samuel Adams!!! Good ole American beer that tastes foreign.

kuhnkat said...

Plaid should only be worn by Jockeys (you know, well paid midgets) and those race car drivers who accidentally run over the flag man at the finish line!!

Beak, is it true that in real life you never mispell, misuse, or abuse punctuation?? That you only assume this pose to make yourself more approachable to us little people??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kuhnkat said...

Beak, I heard a rumor that Little Che Duckshit is actually personality 3 in your lexicon of 5?!?!?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Elbro,

If you tear out the peaceful parts of that book, it's not a long read at all.

The Merry Widow said...

Nanc-Green jello with fruit cocktail... or tropical fruit salad...with a little shredded coconut...
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!

tmw

beakerkin said...

AOW

We have a nasty cold spell so I allowed Earl to stay in my appartment. Over the last week we have averaged -3 with -16. yesyerday. Earl sleeps under my car
and mooches food in the winter.

Northwind doesn't care for Earl but she has her own place. When it is warm Earl will go back outside.
Last year I took him in for a few days. However, it looks like a three week stretch.

beakerkin said...

Kuhnkat

Ducky and I have ben having these back and forths since 2003. He has an honor, just accompanied by awful ideas. There is an interesting Ducky interview.

nanc said...

could he just be posing as earl? to gain your trust?

Always On Watch Two said...

Beak,
Why did you choose the name "Earl"? Duke of Earl?

Farmer John said...

Foreign beer isn't foreign so long as you drink it in its' country of origin. And once you've done that, it's all domestic.

Elmer's Brother said...

speaking of domestic...beak once hired nanc to keep house for him..the next day he found a golf course in it's place and nanc had made off with his balls

beakerkin said...

Earl is rural name and he is just part of the landscape. He started following me around last year when I blogged out doors. I often have food with me and he would mooch.

He sleeps under my car and in the winter I feed him. He is around in the summer but with less frequency looking for food.

Nothwind doesn't like Earl. Earl does what he wants and I will put him back in the alley when it warms up it is seven degrees and snowing. He likes to jump on the table when I eat even though he has his own food. I guess chiken parm is better than canned chicken.

The Merry Widow said...

Chicken parmesan IS ALWAYS BETTER! Earl is not stupid! Next time give him a small saucer of wine, he'll sleep like a baby and Northwind will be happier!

tmw

beakerkin said...

TMW

Northwind is not a cat person in any description. If I left out wine for the cat she would seriously fight the cat for the wine.

I'll never forget her loving words when I had food poisoning. If you are going to die bring back the beer. She just asked for beer and cigarette money and went around the corner.

Earl has made some sort of nest out of one of my flnnel shirts. It is 15 now and dropping. Earl will be arround for a spell.

He does have dry food but has little interest in it. He seems to prefer people food and is now pestering me over some meatloaf.

The Merry Widow said...

You may have someone to talk to then! Cigarettes? Blaspheme, that's what killed my late even 23 yrs. AFTER he quit! I can't abide the smell of them, it is the smell of death to me!
If Earl is about to arm wrestle you for meatloaf, you have a smart cat on your hands!

tmw

beakerkin said...

TMW

I do not smoke myself and the beer is for Northwind. I do not drink myself in a small town with between twenty and thirty bars this is a curiousity.

Some idiots asked why I do not drink. Culturally this is mostly done at festivals or celebrations. A few thought I was a Muslim convert, but my trips to the Chinese Buffet quelled that talk.

One night a loud mouthed local who is the North Country's answer to Fran Drescher promted me to have a few. The perplexed locals wondered
why I asked for a few. I told them there are things even I can not take sober, like that voice. Sadly alcohol did not make that noise less annoying.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

How come we never see Northwind around here? What does she blog about?

Steve Harkonnen said...

Just show up at the blogger's gathering in May and you'll be alright by me.

Always On Watch Two said...

Earl is probably a forager. Hence, his preference for people food.

Always On Watch Two said...

Earl has made some sort of nest out of one of my flnnel shirts.

Cats always know the comfiest of places.

beakerkin said...

Northwind is not a computer person in any description. If she blogged it would be mostly about getting into Beakerkin's wallet and drinking beer. Oddly she is quite adept with power tools when sober.

I call her Northwind because she is fickle and unreliable. She blows in and out at a whim like a storm. Right now she is upset about Earl.Not upset enough to stay out of my funds.

AOW

Earl is a moocher and follows me because there is food around. He takes some getting used to but is not a bad guy. He just wants to be fed and every once in a while will playfight with me. He does keep his claws in.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Ah... she's like Mrs. BTI2B the Guitar-Wielding Maniac, without the guitar but with beer.

Women...

beakerkin said...

Mr B

Northwind is just herself. I learned never to count on her or take her seriously early on.

She is never boring, and always insome sort of predicament. She does know how to put together furniture and is funny. Since I never count on her the tiny things she does ever once in a while are godsends.

nanc said...

Dear Lord - some men are hopeless!

get the first five seasons of "home improvement" and a good dog, beak - it won't cost you anything more than the price of the videos.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Beak,

ALWAYS take women seriously. They know how to hurt you, you know.

The Merry Widow said...

Mr. B.-Especially those who know power tools! LOL!

tmw

nanc said...

never try to take a cork out of a bottle of wine with a high-powered drill...never, never.

beakerkin said...

Don't laugh Northwind is good with power sanders. She put together my furniture with ease. The instructions were in Chinese but she put it together.