Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Urban Communist Hunter Episode 2

Mad Zionist Jewish Conspiracy Theatre presents

The Urban Communist Hunter
starring Mister Beamish
also Starring Beakerambo as his incoherent assistant.

Mr B: Most people think of classic class based Communists . We are in NYC's Union Square Park in search of the Giant Headed victims rights Conspiracy Brother. And there he is will you look at the head on that freak.
Beakerambo: Me Me Mi Meeeep Bobble Head Mi Meep.
Mr B. Yes Beakerambo he does resemble an ugly bobble head doll
FBI Agent: We are here to arrest Beakerambo.
Beakerkin: Wait a second let me look at those papers. This can't be true Beakerambo failed a drug test for anabolic steroids. This has got to be a mistake look at him.
FBI: It is no mistake and your friend is looking at hard time. We can't have TV stars doing drugs unless their last name is Downey.
Mad Zionist: You mean to tell us Bakerambo is looking at more time than if he shot heroin. You idiot this is coming out of your salary.
Beakerambo: Me meeep me mi meep instructions
Mr B: What kind of stupid idiot told you that drug testing meant you were suposed to try the drugs?
Beakerambo: Me Me Mi Meeeep Mi ^%&%^&^&* Duck meep.
Beakerkin: Beakerambo you it was the Duck that told you.
FBI: Time to go
Mad Zionist: Aren't you going to handcuff the prisoner.
FBI: In this locale people pay good money to get handcuffed. This is the Federal Government you don't get anything for free.
Mad Zionist: Cut we will have to hold a production meeting in 15 minutes.

Production Meeting

Mad Zionist: This is terrible news Beakerambo is key to the shows sucsess. We have Beakerambo lunchboxes and action figures. This incedent hurts our revenue stream.
Beakerkin don't you have a friend who is a charachter actor. His name even sounds like Beakerambo.
Beakerkin: Bruno Amato but he's human.
Madzionist: We will pull the soap opera deal. Now playing the role of Beakerambo is Brunoamato. The kids will never notice.We'll shoot him from the waist down, film snobs will think it is a new type of cinema.
Beakerkin: I will see if Bruno will help us out, but I don't know about this one. Why not rewrite the role for Bruno.
Mad Zionist: Can Bruno sell lunch boxes? Rest my case.

Now I used my Jewish conspiracy connections and I had Beakerambos case assigned
to one of our a Judge Judith. The woman you see on TV
Beakerkin: Judge Judy, we are dead, dead ,dead. She is never going to buy this idiot defense.
Mad Zionist: You work on getting Bruno here. Leave the legal problems on my desk. We will see who we know who can argue the case.

On the set

Bruno: No wonder this guy is hostile who writes this stuff Mi Meee Meeep.
Beakerkin: Bruno you see these lunch boxes. Beakerambo sells lunch boxes.
Bruno: He also does all the dirty work around this set. He fetches heavy objects. Has to go into cages with dangerous Communists
Uptown Steve: The reason is Beakerambo is a brother. The Mi Me Me Me is twisted ebonics because you Jooooish goons denied him his heritage. This set is modern day slavery.
Beakerkin:Can anything else go wrong?
Mariah: Oh where is my lover Beakerambo. Has he been hiding again. Beakerambo you have gotten taller and swarthy.
Bruno: Me Meee Mi Meeep Later Me Meee
Beakerkin: Now I have seen everything Mariah Carey just mistook Bruno for Beakerambo.
Uptown: She isn't a real Black woman. Beakerambo can't handle a real black woman.

Courtroom
Beakerkin: Mad Zionist where is the lawyer. I just see Freedom Now and TMW.
Mad Zionist: I sent Freedom Now to a Holliday Inn and TMW is plan B
Beakerkin: Plan B
Mad Zionist:Pray

Judge Judy: Beakerambo vs the state of New York. Council this seems like an open an shut case.
Freedom Now: Your honor we will present evidence that my clients low IQ and mental health problems led him to be tricked by Ducky the evil Communist from MA.
JJ: DO YOU THINK I AM STUPID!!!! YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE COURT. Swear in the defendant Beakerambo.
Court Officer: Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.
Beakerambo: Mi Me Meee Meeep Yes.
JJ: Is this some kind of joke what is with this me me me stuff. You better talk like a man you are in Court on serious charges. Get out from under the seat.
Freedom Now: Your honor my client suffers from a speech impediment. He has been seen by the best speech therapists who have concluded he can't string a sentence together.
JJ: Let me see those deposition. Beakerambo!!!!!! sit up straight you are in a court of law.
Freedom Now: Your honor my client has just got back from a mental health facility.
JJ: Let me see those depositions. Son quit shaking and sit in the seat like a man. DO
YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU BACK TO THE FUNNY FARM !!!! NOT ANOTHER MEEEP OUT OF YOU.
Freedom Now: Your honor my clint as you can plainly see follows instructions and does no thinking for himself. I would like to produce my next witness an Educational Expert Always on the Watch.
JJ: Beakerambo you may step down. Don't slouch and for heavens sake get a haircut.
Freedom Now: AOW would you say that Beakerambo is challenged.
AOW: Other than his speech impairment.
Freedom Now: Exactly.
AOW: Beakerambo is a follower he does whatever he is told to do. He is a guilable person. Most of the time he is managed well by Beakerkin or Mister Beamish. However, it took three weeks to get the cursewords out of his vocabulary when Jeff Bargholz visited. He isn't at the top of the class in any description.
Freedom Now: So if a malicious communist told him drug testing meant to take near lethal amounts of steroids he would do so.
AOW: Without question.
JJ: Call your next witness.
Freedom Now: We would like to call Ducky as a hostile witness.

Duck did you tell Beakerambo to take steroids.
Ducky: I take the fifth
Freedom Now: I had prepared for this contingency. My assistant TMW will now question the witness.
TMW: Duck we will now start from my favorite part of the New Testament.
Duck: I confess I tricked the idiot Beakerambo into taking steroids get the Bible away. I figured we could aid the course of Social Justice by discrediting Beakerambo,
but I can not take Bible Study. Send me to a Gulag.
JJ: First of all I hate men who whine. STOP WHINNING. There are no criminals lower than those who prey on the disabled. If there were capital punishment available I would throw the $^%$&^% switch on you myself. However, I will remand you into the custody of TMW for Bible study for two years.
Ducky: Nooooooooooooooooo
JJ: And for whining no obsure French Films for a year. Case dismissed Meep Mi . Now I am starting to Me Me Talk like that idiot. Get him out of my court.

Madzionist: All's well that ends well. How do think your friend Bruno is going to take being fired?
Beakerkin: I do not think its a problem. He is off with Mariah taking another problem off our hands.

29 comments:

Farmer John said...

Genius, beak. Pure genius!

beakerkin said...

The quetion is what happens if Mariah ever figures out Bruno Amato
is not Beakerambo.

nanc said...

i came back to finish dying laughing - haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

beak - who is jacques albert at fpm? see ann coulter article.

Mr. Ducky said...

Beak, better tell Mad Zionist that the locals are armed with more than stones and he might get mau-maued.

Mr. Ducky said...

Also Beak, I am on the record in many posts as a reader of the gospels. Both in the Christian bible and the gnostic texts.

I am concerned with the teacjings of Christ, unlike supposed Christians such as kuhncat, merry widow and brooke.

The Merry Widow said...

Bwahahahaha! I love it! Thank you, Beaker! I wait with baitted breath for the next episode, now that "our" hero has been released! What other mayhem will occur? Will the FBI be stalking our hero? Do Fern and I get retainers? Will Nanc ride to the rescue? Does Judge Judy get an autograph? Will Bruno steal Mariah from under EB's nose?

tmw

The Merry Widow said...

plucky- If you are studying the gnostic texts, you are not studying Jesus. They were rejected for very good reasons! So you are wasting your time on false teachings.

tmw

nanc said...

i will rescue beak only if i may do so in a caterpillar!

nanc said...

...i've been studying his speech patterns and i believe the code is beginning to become clear...

The Merry Widow said...

She's starting to slip!

tmw

Bruno Amato said...

I knew this acting thing would pay off some day!!!

nanc said...

he's trying to let us know he does NOT want to be a part of some social welfare program, even if his medical insurance is about to run out - he says, "meep (no) neep (let) me (me) blip (die) freepneep (before) floop (you) flirp (put) me (me) flomp (on) medicaid (medicaid). i'm sure of it - if i indeed have the correct coordinates.

beakerkin said...

This is typical MZ collects the cash. Mister Beamish and Beakerambo
becomes stars. Ducky becomes the new Marxist Hanibal Lechter. Bruno Amato gets the babe who still hasn't figured out he is not Beakerambo.

Meanwhile the semi-talented man behind the scenes tiols in obscurity. There is a behind the music segment Beakerambo the turmoil continues.

Always On Watch said...

As a foreign-language teacher, I have little trouble understanding Beakerambo. This statement applies to both Beakerambo's dialect and to his psychological anomalies.

Often, someone with a speech impediment has learning issues. JJ understood Beakerambo's limitations and rightly cut Beakerambo some slack. Justice has been served!

Madzionist: All's well that ends well.

Trust Shakespeare to recognize the true meaning of justice.

Always On Watch said...

Beak,
HERE is a list of commonly used quotes from Shakespeare. You might find the list useful in future episodes.

nanc said...

thank G-d - they were just about ready to force him to apply for food stamps!

kuhnkat said...

Little Che Sucky the Bible Scholar said:

"I am concerned with the teacjings of Christ, unlike supposed Christians such as kuhncat, merry widow and brooke."

Why are you concerned with the teachings Sucky?? Don't they say what you want them to??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kuhnkat said...

Beakerkin,

another excellent post. I would PAY for this before any of that stuff Sucky calls CINEMA!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Always On Watch said...

KuhnKat,
Why are you concerned with the teachings Sucky?? Don't they say what you want them to??

Wishing will never make it so. Hehehe.

Purple Avenger said...

I am on the record in many posts as a reader of the gospels.

I've read the Koran cover to cover too. Your point?

nanc said...

nothing a hat wouldn't cover, p.a...

MissingLink said...

Why are you guys laughing?
Poor Beak, he missed out on being Mariah's sex slave.
Not fair.
All these steroids taken for NOTHING!!

And who's this Sheakspeare bloke anyway?

nanc said...

ah, linkster - steroids do not make the man - the man they make go south - oh boo...

Elmer's Brother said...

Mariah and I are resting comfortably in my Arizona ranch. Next week we're going to the chateau on the French Riviera. (I plan on ditching her there...Beakerambo) I'm tired.

Duck: I confess I tricked the idiot Beakerambo into taking steroids get the Bible away. I figured we could aid the course of Social Justice by discrediting Beakerambo,
but I can not take Bible Study. Send me to a Gulag.


bwahahahahhahaaaa!

The Merry Widow said...

AoW & KuhnKat- Why do you think he resorted to the "gnostic" gospels? They are more likely to have what he's looking for! You know, what we do in the "flesh" doesn't effect our spirits or our standing with G*D! Itching ears and doctrine of demons to satisfy their appetites! Sounds like Peter nailed the "type"! Fool! And I mean that in the Biblical sense, as in no fear of G*D!

tmw

Freedomnow said...

I used to work for the ACLU before taking this case. Now I no longer campaign to end Christmas and make prayer illegal.

TMW is my new secret weapon to piss off Christian-phobic Duckie...

The Merry Widow said...

Let me at him, let me at him!
Lock and load!

tmw

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