Sunday, June 26, 2005

Toe Tag Special

One of my friends in VT is horrified that I still eat breakfast like a NYC resident. I eat what I call two slices of rye and fly.

He isnsisted I join him for breakfast and his plate can be descibed as an orgy of glutony. Three eggs sunnyside up, Two links of Sausage. Three strips of bacon, hash browns and a stack of pancakes covered with butter and local Maple Syrup.
" My god I can feel the cholesterol in the air. Don't you understand that heart disease and stroke is no laughing matter.I am amazed anyone can eat like that and make it to thirty. What do you call that the toe tag special." I said.

" As we say in VT what the f8&^&^& . The key is to have a six pack every night and the alcohol washes away your cholesterol" my friend said.

"Good heavens that will kill your liver"I said

" Details , details you big city folk worry to much" he said.

Let me assure my friends I will never eat a toe tag special. I didn't come through all of the adveristy to die of a hearty breakfast. Beakerkin RIP WTC 93 survivor and 9-11 witness felled by VT breakfasts is not the way I want to go.

There is a demolition derby in the next town but I will be in the stands. Some people think I should be driving based upon my normaly bad driving. I have head clutch of death to describe my grip on the steering wheel.

I like VT and the locals are great but the food is dreadful seriously .


Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Three eggs sunnyside up, Two links of Sausage. Three strips of bacon, hash browns and a stack of pancakes covered with butter and local Maple Syrup.

That's no breakfast. That's a mid-morning snack.

Now, if the above had been served with a nice bowl of grits(*), it would be a breakfast...

* = When ordering breakfast in a restaurant, if the establishment does not serve grits, it's not a breakfast place, and should be sued for false advertisement for claiming to serve breakfast. However, caution must be exercised when ordering grits. If the cook or chef was not born south of the Kentucky - Tennessee border, it is very probably likely that your order of "grits" will be a bowl of water with grits at the bottom, making a greyish white soup-like broth that is neither filling or entertaining. An additional protocol to observe is that watery, runny, loose, soupy grits were one of the three causes of the American Civil War. Make them correctly or don't make them at all. (But don't dare say you're serving breakfast if there's none to be had)

Grits should be made with far less water, and have a consistency and thickness of mashed potatoes or drywall spackle.

I'm sorry, proper breakfast is worth going to war over.

Don't get me started on the differences between a hamburger and a ground beef sandwich. (Hint: Hamburgers have Louisiana Hot Sauce on them)

Robert Bayn said...

2 eggo waffles and a glass of milk...


beakerkin said...


I did buy a box of Eggos but Whole grain Eggos just doesn't seem right.

Mr Beamish

Grit I am told are extreemly healthy. However adding that to the toe tag special is just over kill.

Robert Bayn said...

LOL Beak

I eat the whole grain ones, for more fiber, my doctor would'nt approve of eating waffles, but hell i figure i'm getting the fiber with the whole grain ones.

Drew said...

I think when you can't talk about breakfast without dropping mention of 9/11, a certain reflection that you may have obsessive compusive fixations.

But a serious question: Do many vermonters eat pie for breakfast? there was a saying:

What is a Yankee?
To a citizen of the world, a Yankee is an American.
To an American, a Yankee is a Northerner.
To a Northerner, a Yankee is a New Englander.
To a New Englander, a Yankee is a Vermonter.
To a Vermonter, a Yankee is a person who eats pie for Breakfast.

Warren said...

None of that stuff is a "real" breakfast.

Here is what I cook for company at breakfast.

Sausage, patty's and brats or ham
Eggs, to order
Home made biscuits
Milk gravy
Fried potatoes with onions
Grits, (on request), if the uninitiated ask for grits, I feed them cream of wheat, (they don't know the difference).

Of course you must have the proper condiments including tobasco or Louisiana hot sauce. I like hot banana peppers or jalapinios. Jellies, jams and marmalade

Washed down with cold milk, (for babies) or steaming mugs of coffee.

For desert, home made donuts.

Anyone that can't eat at least one donut must wash the dishes!

I do sometimes cook like that but mostly I don't eat breakfast, just black coffee.

Esther said...

What happened to the standard 2, 2 & 2? Two eggs, two strips of (for me turkey) sausage and two pieces of french toast? Now that is breakfast!

beakerkin said...


Thanks for your comments I see how uncomfortable 9-11 makes you and other anti war vermin. I will never remain silent on the subject so sit back and groan. Keep trolling.

Always On Watch said...

Farmers like to eat such hearty breakfasts, which probably don't do much damage because these working-class men get out and work it off. But maintaining that kind of diet in a sedentary lifestyle (retirement, office work, etc.) is deadly.

I allow myself one hearty breakfast per week. A real treat!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

I was born in Birmingham, Alabama. I'm a certified grits specialist. :)

I usually don't have time for the big breakfast (what Beak described his friend was eating, plus grits) but I see it as the bounty of the land, not gluttony.

But then again, I'm the guy who'll wolf down a pint of batter-fried chicken livers and burp with satisfaction that my meal required 20 or thirty chickens to die (I'm a bird-hater).