Sunday, December 31, 2006

Its Mr Beamish's New Years Party live from The Sunni Triangle

Bealerkin: I am the spokesman for MZ Jewish Conspiracy Productions. Dick Clark like all great entertainers has fallen victim to father time. We need a more fitting celebration. Droping an Apple in NYC has become passe and predictable. However, dropping a Daisy Cutter in the Sunni Triangle is a more usefull and skilled venture.

We have our crack logistic staff and Liberterians working on the calculations as we speak. This also provides another marketing vehicle for our merchandise.

This special is brought to you by our new sponsor LL Beamish Cothing for Americans who kick A#$%$%.

Now Here is a word from our sponsor.

Ducky: Your daughter wears gas mask and combat boots.

Elmer: Yes she does and she is good with an M-16 in urban combat

Ducky: This is so reactionary
Beakerkin: No it is LL Beamish fashions for patriotic kids that kick #%$#%$%

Mr Beamish: This is Mr Beamish your host of this party. Now this party would not be complette without draging tha asses of evil from around the globe to the Sunni Triangle.

We send you now to our team in Australia where Felis is hunting Janice the retard.

Felis: It wasn't hard to capture Janice as there are not many people in OZ and the number of actual retards are small. We found her with a der sturmer and Hezbollah coloring book and shipped her off to Iraq.

Mr Beamish: Thank you Felis. We now send you to Canada to our Man Elijah who has captured notorous gay communist anti- semite Simon Jones.
Beakerkin: Jone's works are featured on an actual Crank dot Net site. He blames the Jews for polution and claims there is more evidence that gays are the chosen people.
Chosen for what belongs only in the mind of the insane Jones.

Elijah: We got Jones by creating a fake add for a live video event featuring Norman Finkola of DePaul. He isn't a manly type and went into the crate.

Mr Beamish: We had to send a super secret stealth team to the UK. We were searching for the flaming anti-semite Gertrude.
Beakerkin: This was a case of the UK teaming with Gay Communist anti-semites. We captured Gert, 167, Mark J and Craig B in a gay concentration camp role play event.
Gert is still screaming that he only was there for the free cheese dip.

Mr Beamish: We ask our UK observer what on earth is going on in the UK.
Mark Alexander. Well unlike the states we do pay for condiments in resturants. But this cheese dip bit seems far fetched.
Beakerkin: Mark don't these idiots know Jihadist kill homosexuals.
Mark: Communists and anti-semites are not as you Americans say are the sharpest tool in the shed.

Beakerkin: A reader from the West Coast wants to know is real cheese dip was involved in the capture of Gert.

Mark Alexander: Well there was some of the dreadful Cheese Wiz. However, I leave it up to you to decide if a man would go to a Gay Communist Roleplaying event for cheese wiz, it sounds improbable.

Mr Beamish: We had no great difficulty getting the Weazel out of the Finnish mental hospital. The Finns were only to glad to turn Weazie over to our crack European Squad
led by Kuhnkat and Beakerambo.

Weazie: Captured by an imbecile who runs around saying me all day.
Kuhnkat. HAHAHA YOU MORON the sons of Quisling were glad to get rid of you. It seems you are drain on society and above all else a MORON.

Weazie what is 12 1/2 and headed for your backside you MORON HAHAHAHA.

Weazie: Is this more of your Judeofacistic homophobic humor? I do not find this amusing.

Kuhnkat: Trust me you will not find the answer amusing. It is Beakerambo's size 12 1/2 steel toed boots headed to your behind.

Beakerambo: Mimime stupid antisemitic mimimi midget
Kuhnkat: Beakerambo you were off to the left try again.

Mr Beamish: A special crack NYC team led by Jason Papas and the Urban Infidel had little problem finding Superfly John Brown.

Jason: Now there are many people that do attempt to move illegal commodities dressed like a pimp. However, using superior Liberterian logic we eliminated all those who were lucid enough to run an actual business.

Urban Infidel: We found the subject screaming at park benches about Vanilla Sam in Union Square Park.

Jason: Using Liberterian logic we threw some Mad Dog 20/20 and some government cheese in a airfreight container and the rest is history.

Mr Beamish: The last member of the asses of evil is the Marxist Duck of MA, Previous attempts to deal with him were not sucsessful. Dick Cheney was trying to eliminate the Duck while he was on his Texas vacation.

Mad Zionist: Unlike Cheeney we decided to seek professional help. So we hired a Native American tracker to help us catch the diabolical Duck.

Yeagley: This was no task for a true tracker of dectective. The suspect was found in the art film house watching Mission to Moscow for the 937 time. He is a University Duck and not quite as intelligent as his bird brained peers.

Mr Beamish: Now that the asses of evil are in the blast radius it is time to drop the Daisy Cuter.

Freedomnow; The plane is on its way from the east



Beakerkin: I wish MZ wouln't argued with the pilot over price. The daisy cutter blew up an oval.

Warren: Guys there are some really creepy dudes coming on the horizon
Jeff Bargholtz: Lock and F%&^Kin Load
Nanc: Beakerambo put down John Brown's Jawbone. He has spent too much time in Bible Study with TMW.

Mr Beamish: Guy those creepy guys arer not who you think they are. Those are Raiders fans who have come to play Slob Bowl against the hapless Detroit Lions.

Justin: Watching the Detroit Lions is almost as bad as being captured by Al Queda. Where are there fans??????
Rob Bayn: Don't look at me I jumped ship.

Beakerkin: I think we spoke to soon there is a huge angry mob. My Arabic is not good
but it sounds like Detroit Lions Go Home .

Spokesman: Take your stupid and useless Detroit Lions back to America. We want an Iraqi Nascar style race and our own Lee's Fried Chicken franchises.

Warren: What makes you think you Iraqis are ready for NASCAR?

Spokesman: Have you ever seen an Iraqi car without dents. Our people are ready for Nascar.

Mr Beamish: NASCAR and fried chicken in the Sunni Triangle Americanism is infectious. Happy 2006 and on to a Kickass 2007.

AOW: Beakerambo come out from under the jeep the Detriot Lions are not playing.

Beakerambo; Mememee me Lions suck me me beat the Cowboys me me.


kuhnkat said...

Was it Cheeze Whiz or real dip???


Elmer's Brother said...

Both my daughters are proficient with an M203 also.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Somebody get Elmer's Niece a SMAW-NE. We're going to celebrate New Year's St. Louis style with a twist - automatic weapons and thermobaric grenades.

American Crusader said...

L. L. Beamish needs to accessorize with the XM8 Lightweight Assault Rifle. If you're going to be hip, you need the latest fashions.
As much as I would love partying in the Sunni Triangle, I prefer the Persian pleasures of downtown Tehran. The Daisy Cutter would get a much better reception as we all know Iran is fascinated with new weapons.

Da Weaz said...

Beaker hasn't shut down this site for morons yet? It's fucking dead.

The Merry Widow said...

Who's the featured band, Mr. B.? Will I need earplugs?


Elmer's Brother said...

yeee haaawwww!

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year, guys and gals.

While I am not in the mindset to advertise my blog, please stop by. there are plans underfoot to hold a blogger's convention in DC early next year - around Feb-mar-apr timeframe, and I need FEEDBACK.

Warren said...

I've found that 155mm simulators make the best noise makers for celebrations for the discerning connoisseur. All the noise, blast and flash without the pesty shrapnel.

They are also very good for taking out doors and walls if you don't care what's on the other side.

beakerkin said...

Hey Weazie

You are a perfect example of the morons that drop in. Why don't you take your meds and maybe Socrasleaze and his 1001 poorly written aliases will be over to play. Even Socko only visits if I show up because you are a bore.

You are too anal to have writers block, you suffer from writers rhoids. This blog is not your Helsinki mental health ward. We do not get paid to listen to your delusions of granduer.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

The featured band would have to be Stuck Mojo.

Always On Watch Two said...

This special is brought to you by our new sponsor LL Beamish Cothing for Americans who kick A#$%$%.

Damn, Beak! I've bought the entire line and I'm still not written into the script. **sniff**

Always On Watch Two said...

I'm there!

Elmer's Brother said...

Narrator: For more than a year, ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high-level Western leaders that the Mahdi Army had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon: a doomsday device. Intelligence sources traced the site of the top secret project to the perpetually fog-shrouded wasteland below the Arctic peaks of the Zhokhov Islands. What they were building or why it should be located in such a remote and desolate place no one could say.

General Beamish: Well, boys, I reckon this is it - toe to toe with the Morons. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human bein's if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelin's about. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the hump - we got some bombin' to do.

It's nigh unto midnight and the preparation for dropping the daisy cutter has begun.

Nanc: It's 11:59 o'clock!
General "Buck" Beamish: Weh-heh-heh-ll, the Air Force never sleeps.
TMW: General I'm not sleepy either...
General "Buck" Beamish: I know how it is, TMW. Tell you what you do: you just start your countdown, and old Bucky'll be back here before you can say "Blast off!"

scene shifts to last second preparations

General Jeff Bargholz: Your Commie has no regard for human life. Not even his f'n own.

General Beamish: Now why don't you just take it easy, Group Captain, and please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater, and help yourself to whatever you'd like.

General Beamish: Do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?
Group Capt. Jeff Bargholz: No, I don't think I f'n do, sir, no.
General Beamish: He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

"Lets do this!!!!"

Meanwhile back at the WH:

General Beakerkin: Mr. President, about, uh, 35 minutes ago, General Beamish, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base, issued an order to his Wing, which were airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order called for the planes to, uh, attack their targets inside Sunni Triangle. The, uh, planes are fully armed with daisy cutters with an average load of, um, 40 megatons each. Now, the central display of Iraq will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their primary targets; the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft will begin penetrating radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes.

President Merkin Muffley: General Beakerkin, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of the daisy cutter weapons. There's nothing to figure out, General Beakerkin. This man is obviously a psychotic. When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!

General Beakerkin: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.

President Merkin Muffley: But this is absolute madness. This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything like that.

White House Press Corps: Our source was the New York Times.

John Brown: [standing up from his wheelchair] Mein F├╝hrer! I can walk!

Major T.J. King Kong: YEEEEEHAAAWWWWWW!!!!

....Happy New.Yearghhhhhhhhhh!!!

Urban_Infidel said...

Annoying screamer took off running. Last seen headed toward Trader Joe's.

Happy New Year to all you loverly Infidels.

Warren said...

Speaking of creepy dudes, look what just showed up wearing a Fin straight jacket!

Warren said...

I'm not sure, on which end you would find jb's jaw bone?

beakerkin said...


You did get to set up the final punch line. We had no evil ones in the VA area to be sent of to Iraq.

LL Beamish


ELMER; And She is also great with an M-16 and small arms.

DUCKY: I-I-I don't get it. Since when did it become cool to be a tool of the military industrial complex.

Kuhnkat: HAHAHAHA YOU MORON LL Beamish determines what is cool.

Mad Zionist said...

Me and my many margharitas wish you all a very happy new least all of you who agree with everything I say.

Otter said...

Happy New Year!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Attention: Fixed link

The featured band must be Stuck Mojo.

The Merry Widow said...

The Pres sounds a little "fuzzy" to me! LOL! I nice air delivery of "daisy cutters" is a good start to the New Year!
Gen. Beakerkin, you obfuscate just fine.
EB-Nice scenario, you Beaker ought to get your heads together and come up with a bestseller.
Have a Blessed New Year!


Always On Watch Two said...

You did get to set up the final punch line. We had no evil ones in the VA area to be sent of to Iraq.

Plenty of them along the Wahhabi Corridor (aka Leesburg Pike)!

But I feel much better, now that I've been written into the script.

Always On Watch Two said...

Warren said, I'm not sure, on which end you would find jb's jaw bone?

Oh, I'm SURE!

Happy New Year to all my friends here! Actually, you are family.

We must all sport our new apparel today, as we go calling.

Kyle said...

Mad Zionist said...

Me and my many margharitas wish you all a very happy new year...

Ouch, Margharita got me last night, Head hurts.

Urban_Infidel said...

Finally linked you Beak! I'm a little slow at this sometimes, what can I tell ya.

Hope you're sipping champagne mimosas in your flannel jammies right now.

The Merry Widow said...

MadZ-Hair of the dog that bit you?
EB-Wear loooooong rubber gloves!
AoW-They can't leave you out! I'd go on strike!


Brooke said...

Happy New Year, Beak!

Let's get those Iraqis into roll cages ASAP! :D

Anonymous said...

My boys wearing the Honolulu Blue & Silver came through and opened a CAN OF WHOOP ASS on the Dallas Cowboys. There can be no better treat, except them going to the Superbowl, but wham, I just woke up.

nanc said...

i'm agreeing with everything madze says...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Hungover? Hell! I'm not hungover, I'm DRAPED!

Farmer John said...

Happy New Year!

Damn, I missed the party. All That's left to do now is fill in the crater...

Janice said...

Happy New Year to you Beaker :)

As a prize for mentioning me in your blog you get a holiday in (drum roll) Anbar!!!!!!!!(Yay)

Enjoy a holiday with the Iraqi Resistance ;)

beakerkin said...

Obviously we will have to speak to our military contractors. It is obvious one of the asses of evil escaped.


Will you talk to Beakerambo? He seems to think he is Samson and has been running around with John Brown's jawbone singing Tom Jone's version of Delilah for days.