Sunday, October 22, 2006

ESPN 15 Presents Celebrity Dodgeball The Clintons versus Team Beamish

Berman: This is Chris Berman with another edition of celebrity dodgeball. Our match comes live from PS 22 in Astoria. We have the Clinton mob versus Team Beamish. Our local announcers are Curtis Sliwa of the Guardian Angels and Ron Commie Kuby. Last week Mr Beamish eliminated team Kerry. The fans seem quite taken with Team Beamish.

Curtis: Yes the fruit loop troopers are out in force wearing gas masks. It is fairly obvious who this crowd is rooting for.
Kuby: Team Beamish is the worst product of Capatalist exploitation. Some of those kids are even wearing Beakerambo wigs. This is commercial exploitation at its worst. Beakerambo action figures, lunch boxes, key chains , comic strips and even appearances in video games is crass merchandising.
Curtis: Let me see that thermos. A Peter Paul and Mary relic from the 60's and a Fidel Castro lunchbox undisgracia. If we were in Union City the locals might kick your behind for that.
Berman: How has team Beamish been training its newest member Elmer's brother.
Curtis: They have been training the same way as they did for the last match bean Beakerambo in the head.
Kuby: This is the worst case of Capatalist abuse of disabled workers I have seen in my life. With us now is Uptown Steve who has some words about dodge ball.

Uptown: Dodgeball is a game of schoolyard racial lynching. Its roots are in the African tribal game of......
MZ: What is this crap? He is just upset his team didn't get selected. People want to see Team Beamish and buy Beamish and Beakerambo products.
Uptown: I challenge the winner of this game to a match in Harlem. I have Al Sharpton, Prof Leonard Jeffries, Tawana Brawley and we want to stop this Dodgeball aparthied. I am a proud Black...... Klunk.
Curtis: Did you see that Beakerambo just nailed Uptown in the head.
Kuby; This is the worst exhibition of white racism.......
Curtis: Well Thans Elmer
Kuby: Power to the peeeee...... klunk
Curtis: Thanks again Elmer.

Team Clinton is entering to the tune of Don't Stop Thinking About Tommorow.
Berman: What is the huge NYPD contingent for?
Curtis: It is probably there to guard the taxpayer's wallets from the Clintionoid Tax thieves. It could also be that we have a sexual predator in the arena.
Carville: You right wing clown if you Drag some money through a trailer park what will you find.
Beakerambo: Me meee meeep Bill Clinton.
Carville: Let me get my hands on that Right wing thwack
Berman: I don't believe it that was Mary Matlin throwing a fastball from the crowd and knocking out her husband.
Beakerambo; Me me meep Skelator.
Curtis: Will you listen to the crowd as Team Beamish and Elmers Brother takes the field. The Fruit Loop Troopers are out in force.
Berman: What is this the crowd is chanting " I did not have sex with that woman."

Hillary: See the whole world knows you creep.
Bill: Its like the Exon Valdez story the whole world makes a big production over one little spill.

That Beakerambo is more narcisitc than I am all I ever hear from him is Me me me me .
Hillary: You stupid Hillbilly he has a learning disability.
Chelsea: Oh I hate it when you two fight
Bill : I need to feel the love. I haven't been okay since Buddy commited sucide.
Hillary: Feel the love thats how you got into this %&%&^ mess in the first place.

Mr T: You Know the Rules. I pity the fools.

Curtis: Bill Clinton has the ball throws at Beakerrambo misses wide right. Beakerambo
throws at Hillary misses. Chelsea throws at Beakerambo and misses but we have a ruling by Mr. T

Mr T: Beakerambo is eliminated for lowering his head into his torso.

Curtis: Will you listen to all those kids booing. Elmer grabs the ball and hits Hillary in the Fred Flinstone ankles.

Hillary: Its a vast right wing conpiracy it is not my fault I have big bones. Bill do something.

Bill: Carville is Knocked out and Dick Morris went over to the other side.

Curtis: Hillary is still arguing with Mr T. Wait argument over Mary Matlin just beaned Hillary in the head. Listen to the roar of the crowd. NYPD has taken her to the no fools lounge.

Bill: This is the first time I've had peace and quiet in month.

Curtis: Bill Clinton has the ball he throws at Mr Beamish. Mr Beamish has the ball and points to the crowd. I do not get it but Bill Clinton is staring at Nanc in Golf Shorts he's slobering. Chelsea is trying to get him to snap out. Thhwack Beamish nails him in the head but he is still Drooling . NYPD will escort him to the no fools lounge.

That leaves Elmer and Mr Beamish against Chelsea. This is not pretty as they seem to be prolonging this match making her run. Chelsea grabs a rebound throws at Elmer who catches the ball.

Game set and match TEAM BEAMISHHHHHHHH

Berman: Listen to the roar of the crowd. Mary Matlin has the kids all fired up and is leading the cheers.

Curtis; This wasn't a match it was a slaughter.The Clinton mafia goes down to team Beamish.

Berman: Tune in next week from PS 3 in Harlem. Uptown Steve, Al Sparpton, Prof Leonard Jeffries, Tawana Brawley and Jesse Jackson take on Mr Beamish, Beakerambo, Elmer's Brother, Jeff Bargholtz and Nanc. BE THERRRRREEEEEE.


The Merry Widow said...

Go, EB! Go Mary Matlin! Go Beamish, in '08!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!


Always On Watch said...

Bill : I need to feel the love. I haven't been okay since Buddy commited sucide.
Hillary: Feel the love thats how you got into this %&%&^ mess in the first place....

Elmer grabs the ball and hits Hillary in the Fred Flinstone ankles.


Hey! I'm at this game and shouting my lungs out as I root for Team Beamish.

Beakerambo should not have been disqualified for making a defensive move.

Farmer John said...

Where do I get my fruit loop trooper gas-mask?

beak, if you're gonna hawk merchandise, you gotta have links to the products! It'll be Christmas soon.

btw - Can I change my name to Toucan Sam?

beakerkin said...

The Fruit Loop Troopers is a gag of Curtis Sliwas who has alot of New Yorkisms. He really does say Undisgracia. I should have worked in a bit about his Aunt Mary who is in her nineties and is fiesty and his son Anthony Chester.

Farmer John I think Toucan Sam is trademarked.

Who knows what will happen when Uptown Steve meets Team Beamish with Jeff Bargholtz.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Dodgeball? Feh!


Elmer's Brother said...

bwahahahahaha!! Freakin' hilarious Beak.

No doubt Hillary could use those ankles to get her presidential campaign started. I just hope she wears shoes.

Chelsea was an easy out, she throws like a girl.

beakerkin said...

I do not know why but Uptown Steve wants a match with Jeff Bargholtz in it. Beakerambo vs Al Sharpton in the dodgeball arena. Will Uptown try to get our referee to buy into this guilt trip.

Always On Watch said...

Beakerambo vs Al Sharpton in the dodgeball arena.

That should be quite a face-off.