Friday, June 02, 2006

Breakout the Roadkill, Foster's, Vegemite, Dynamite and firearms it is the cyber roast of everyone's favorite Aussie Felis

This is the segment where bloggers come to honor their peers in comedic tribute. Now Felis is a friend to all of us and runs one of the largest sites in our community. Felis is always way too humble and gives plenty of time and exposure to new bloggers. Felis has a sharp eye for talent and has helped many of the people who interview at this blog gain a wider audience such as Florian and hopefully Possum who you should read.

I regulary read his site for material I would not know otherwise. His links contain valuable stories on such under reported stories as East Timor. One could spend a day reading the high quality sites just linked to his site except for this Beakerkin guy.

I am always amazed our resident Marxists are so dismissive of a person who lived in an actual workers paradise. Who are you going to believe a Univeristy clown who may have spent a summer in one of these societies or a person that spent decades in one.
I was floored at the ignorance of Ducky and Uptown who forgot that Western Poland was invaded by the USSR.

Moving ahead Felis is a huge fan of roadkill. Everyone seems to think that they invented Roadkill. Mr Beamish has perfected this ancient artform with the invention of mesquite flavored tires. No doubt Anum will claim some Muslim invented roadkill. John Brown and Ducky will attribute it to ancient communists.

When people think of Australia they think of wide open spaces and rugged men. They think of Crocodile Dundee , Steve Irwin and the Gibb brothers, two out of three aren't bad.

Aussies are known for enjoying their alcohol. Now we in the states have a secret brew that has saved more marriages then any other MD 20/20. Cheap alcohol with a halucagen has kept many homes in NYC together. Whenever I go no NYC the locals always ask me to bring some back. I am also told with Commet it makes your bowl shine.

Now remember a cyber roast is number one to tell some bad jokes . The other purpose of the roast is to salute a friend . So if you don't have any jokes just salute the guest of honor. We are also trying to get feedback on the Mesquite flavored tires.


Let the roast begin

50 comments:

FLORIAN said...

The Gibb Brothers? I was thinking more along the lines of "the Bushwackers" from the WWF. Oh wait they're from New Zealand--nevermind. But they do love roadkill. Must be a South Pacific delicacy. Anyways, I do owe Felis a lot for blogrolling me and checking out my site a lot. He's a great friend down-under and I will be rooting for his country in the World Cup.

nanc said...

i love linkster - best with beer and an armwrestling match - yeeeeeehaw! bring it on! that oughta tweak a few of the tweakers...

Always On Watch said...

I can't remember how I first found Felis, but I try to visit Democracy Frontline every day. As Beak pointed out, I regulary read his site for material I would not know otherwise. His links contain valuable stories on such under reported stories as East Timor.

No whitewash of Muslim practices at Democracy Frontline!

I don't know how Felis manages to find so many headlines for nearly every day.

Elmer's Brother said...

He's hired some cheap labor, AOW that's how. I think it's all those animals he keeps around. Namely Grav, Dee and Skylark. The merry band of Ozzies!

I also know that the Aussies I have know will tend to shoot first and ask questions later. A good trait in the current "jihad".

Felis has always treated me with kindness and I admire his character, his background and the immense wealth of knowledge..history..Islam.

Felis..you're fair dinkum, true blue..not bad for a banana bender, she be right...insert some other Australian lingo here)

Elmer's Brother said...

He's hired some cheap labor

(The Fosters Beer man)

Australian for "bloody oath"

Warren said...

Many of you think that Felis escaped Poland to be rid of the commies. But I have it on good authority that he was caught singing the University of Adelaide, Philosophy Departments', favorite drinking song and was deported as punishment.

For those of you unfamiliar with the song, I have graciously decided to provide the lyrics.

The Philosophers' Drinking Song

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.


For one of the nicest, unassuming men, I have ever been privileged to have met.

nanc said...

i think i'm going to cry...

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

You know toilets flush backwards in the southern hemisphere, right? Well, when Felis first moved to Australia from Poland no one told him this and he almost drowned.

nanc said...

talk about a swirley!

MissingLink said...

Ooooops! Very late today.
Saturday shopping and all this jazz.
Thank you Beak. Old Tassie Devils love carion of any kind and the cheaper the booze is the better the party gets.

Florian,
The Gibb Brothers?
They migrated to OZ from Brtain with their parents when they were in their teens.
The BeeGees started in Oz but their real career took off in Britain and later in the US.
All performing artists must leave OZ sooner or later because the market here is:
a) too small
b) controlled by left wing public servants

BTW , soccer is still not very popular in OZ.
Rugby and cricket are probably the most popular sports.

Nanc,
I used to drink a lot of beer, but these days I try to stay sober for at least 2 hours a day.

AOW,
We found each other when I was still with 'It's a matter of opinion' guys.
BTW,
I am not writing all that much these days because going through the news takes most of my spare time.

EB,
I'd like to salute you.
You did put your life in a harm way.
Not to mention you served with our divers.
And those bloody dolphins.
They are rather romantic creatures, aren't they?
And for a good cause too.
BTW,
I'm not sure if you guys are aware that EB cross posts his pieces at Democracy Frontline and our group together handled the great Muzzie cartoon drama.
Boy, that was fun!!

Warren (We'd call you Wazza in Oz),

Great song that is.
Worthy the toughest punishment, don't you think?

Mr Beamish
told him this and he almost drowned.
Who told you about that one?
And I thought you could trust Aussies to keep a secret.
Duh!
There were more problems, imagine getting accustomed to cars!
And all I drove back in Poland was a wheelbarrow.

It was hell I tell ya.

Elmer's Brother said...

Felis, I didn't live in oppression, like you did, I hid in a warehouse in southern Iraq.
You're the one who deserves the salute.

I worked for peanuts too, but you guys did all the heavy lifting.

Elmer's Brother said...

Felis,

They refused to install those toilets in our prisons here. The inmates stopped going over the wall and started going "down under".

MissingLink said...

EB
started going "down under".
LOL,
also know that the Aussies I have known will tend to shoot first and ask questions later.
This is something new to me EB.
I mean, about "asking some kind of questions'.

The first part seems to be in perfect order.

the merry widow said...

Felis, do tassies like shark and loggerhead "beachkill"? With a cold Foster's it should go down well. How about tortoise? Squirrel? Ring neck dove? Starlings? Grackles? Got some possibilities here, if you're interested.
Do enjoy your site, very meaty with news. Appreciate the time and effort you put in to collect it all!

Good morning and G*D bless, I'll speak softly so that those who were to enthusiastic in thier toasts can rest!

tmw

MissingLink said...

Merry Widow,
Tassies like to eat - period.
BTW,
Fosters isn't the best brew, there are far better brands of beer in OZ.
Glad to deliver Muzzie news, although it is kinda depressing.

Always On Watch said...

Missing Link,
Glad to deliver Muzzie news, although it is kinda depressing.

From time to time I have to lay off posting on Islam. Mustn't miss out on the beauty of life, you know.

FLORIAN said...

I know that Soccer isn't popular in Oz and that Fosters is always enjoyed best in front of a great Aussie Rules match. Which might be why it took the Socceroos so long to get to the big one.

JINGOIST said...

So Felis, you're a big fan of roadkill? LOL! Aged meat does have it's advantages I guess. Here in north Florida we get a lot of dead armadillos, which the locals like to call pavement patties or possum-on-the-halfshell. What a strange creature. I've heard they carry leprosy. I think the Big Guy slipped armadillos and platypusses(platypii?) in on the 8th day and was too embarrassed to write about it.


Beaker your take on MD 20-20 was great! When we were 15 or 16 we used to steal it from the 7-11 if my buddy's older sister wasn't around to buy it for us on the weekend. Yep, a campfire, some girls from the bowling alley and three or four bottles of MD 20-20 and life was gooood!
I cringe when I look back at what a bunch of little dirt bags we were.

Morgan

the merry widow said...

Morgan- Welcome to the club, we all have been rotten excuses for humanity at one time or another! I claim lowest rotten excuse, you can't have that position either, Nanc and EB! =P

tmw

nanc said...

maybe we should do a lowliest of sinners column - everybody could post anonymously and we could match the sin to the blogger? naaaahhhhhhh!

Always On Watch said...

Nanc,
I guess we'd better not dish the dirt. Too much information!

Elmer's Brother said...

I admit drinking MD 20/20 is pretty low. I don't think I can top that.

JINGOIST said...

Well EB we would have taken 12 packs or quart bottles of Schlitz malt liquor but they wouldn't fit down the front of our pants! The whole scene was comical enough back in the days of tight fitting jeans, if you get my drift.
Boy was that act of fessing up ever cathartic. I can probably stop kicking my dogs now! Thanks guys!

Morgan

JINGOIST said...

Merry Widow I could tell you a story about a Navy buddy of mine in Istanbul that's so TOXIC that the Beaker would have deleted by a goyim because he wouldn't dare touch the keys on the Sabbath! That's how graphic it is.

Morgan

Elmer's Brother said...

no sea stories Jingo - we could start a blog with nothing else

the merry widow said...

Oy! You're right EB, we could all tell tales to cause the women and children to blanch, men to lose thier hair and dogs and horses faint! Let's talk instead about how far we have been brought! Now those are rousing tales! Besides if tales were told, Felis would have first shot. After he finished his roadkill deluxe barbeque that is, we don't want to rush the dinner special, errrr, 'scuse me, guest of honor!

tmw

elmers brother said...

i'm with you tmw. felis care to indulge us?

nanc said...

aow - but i've got good dirt!

MissingLink said...

Back in the 70’s we (young disciples of the revolutionary education system) used to treat ourselves with stuff so potent that even today, after so many years, just thinking about it brings severe indigestion.
It happened that the Polish People’s Republic invented an alcoholic brew, which was meant to satisfy thirst of the revolutionary working class after a hard day (but satisfying) work.
It was called ‘Wino” (no brand Wine) and the technological process involved fermenting of apples rejected for human consumption, catalyzing this process with sulfur and fortifying the final brew with poorly rectified spirit.
The main advantage of this divine brew was its price – 21 zlote (equivalent of US$ 0.02) for 1 litre, an important factor in managing young students’ budget.
After the purchase of this ambrosia, we would try to find some suitable venue for the feast (a doorway a building, cemetery, dark corner in a local park), and then the process of actual consumption would take place.
The trick was to empty the entire bottle in one go. The reason for this was simple, there was no way you could continue drinking this stuff if you stopped for a while to take a breath.
After all the bottles were emptied it took a minute for this divine fuel to take effect.
The aftermath could be only compared to the most violent and prolonged death which lasted for a couple of days, during which time you’d swear not to touch the stuff ever again (until the next time).
Oh, sweet memories.

nanc said...

sounds like what people in prison commonly refer to as "pruno" - whatever fruit that is served at a meal is put into a plastic bag, tied and hung inside the toilet (loo) bowl and left to ferment for G-d knows how long (if they were not caught) and had to be consumed immediately. i cannot imagine being in such want.

my husband likes to make wine occasionally and can never wait for it to fully ferment before it's gone, but he's very careful with it - sips it to death!

as for me, welllllll........

the merry widow said...

I do like a small glass of sherry(Harvey's Bristol Cream) with classical music. I also cook with a lot of wine, nice flavor and tender meat. Cold Duck for New Years, that's about it for me.
Felis- That stuff sounds like turpentine or rocket fuel! I'm surprised that you have a digestive track left!

MissingLink said...

Nanc,
sounds like what people in prison commonly refer to as "pruno" - LOL
Both, the venue and brew fit the circumstances of my experience.

Merry Widow,
Real, natural turps?
Yum.
Oh, that's classy stuff in comparison to Wino.

MissingLink said...

Oh, BTW just to explain why ALL Aussies are slim and drop-dead-gorgeous :

Aussie diet formula:

As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat.

For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams.

Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. X 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized.

Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories.

Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat,the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.

This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6, 216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.

Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down. Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.

the merry widow said...

Felis- You have lost whatever mind you had! It's the turpentine you consumed as a minor, stunted your brain and killed off any cells that did show up!

tmw

MissingLink said...

I did?

elmers brother said...

I am still wondering how nanc knows about the jail thing

Warren said...

Wazza Wazza?

No honestly, I know, I just couldn't resist.
(Confession here, I looked it up.)
"
Great song that is.
Worthy the toughest punishment, don't you think?"


The punishment sould fit the crime.

I'm sure you have suffered greatly! ;^)

Wazza, much better than Warrenie.

nanc said...

elbro - i used to work for the department of corrections in a particular state...of mind...or not...and i watched the original "longest yard"!

Elmer's Brother said...

sure? (he said sarcastically)

the merry widow said...

Felis- See? I told you! Think I could call you, PB, for Pickled Brains! BTW-I love Tassies, they are so bad tempered they're cute.

tmw

Always On Watch said...

Well, I'm not much of a drinker. In fact, at the Symposium's cocktail party, I had two glasses of wine and could barely get to the car (My husband did pick-up and drop-off). As I got up from the table, a fellow from Liberty University (!!!) said, quite kindly, "Are you able to drive?"

So...I had too much to drink in front of a Falwellite. For me, too much to drink is a second glass of wine!

PS: I can't drink beer. I'm allergic to hops, I think. I puke after only a few sips.

the merry widow said...

You and me both, second glass and I sleep like a baby. I do like non-alcoholic beer, an acquired taste thanks to my late.

tmw

kevin said...

What? No Olivia Newton John jokes, I'm so disappointed!

beakerkin said...

Kevin

The original draft did have an Olivia Newton John joke. However as she starred in a film with John Travolta she deserves no further abuse.

I can not put my finger on why but the Bee Gees are just comedic. The Ramones who are not Aussies and keep dropping like flies are also comedic. Check the mourge to see if any Ramones are still alive.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Beakerkin,

The Bee Gees are from Massachussetts.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Not really, but they're pretty much gay enough to be from Massachussetts.

Mr. Ducky said...

Hey Beamish, how about a chorus of "Free Bird". Man are you lame.

Elmer's Brother said...

there's a BEEGEE now!

uptownseteve said...

I thought the Bee Gees were from Australia by way of Manchester, England.

Silly me.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Why do leftists know more about the Bee Gees than people that aren't politically retarded?