Thursday, May 11, 2006

Breakout the Cheap Booze and Roadkill It is the Roast we have all been waiting for MRRRRRR BEEEEEEEAAMISHHHH

This is another roast dedicated to one of everyones favorite blogger Mr Beamish. Mr Beamish has the most unpredictable and fun site I visit daily. One never knows if one is going to get razor sharp satire, brilliant comedy, well written and researched material or the rare but always classic Mr Beamish school of art.

Mr Beamish single handedly set the pace for the avatar craze that swept our circle.
The classic black and white gasmask has donned a Ram's helmet, a Renoir paining, the Sphinx and center stage at Mecca. It was Mr Beamish who alerted us to the possibilities of mayhem with an avatar. My nephew's favorite avatar is Warren's axeman but the one that set the standard was Mr Beamish's gasmask.

Now Mr Beamish is well known for his sense of humor but his humor is based on reality. He told John Brown that he could post uncensored if he put the disclaimer that Brown is a moron before he posts. Anyone who reads a John Brown post is well aware of the obvious. Brown was too dimwitted to follow the advice of Mr Beamish and place the warnings above his post.

Our Jihadi troll Anum Muhktar will not visit Mr Beamish. I advised him to hire Al Gore's legal team but Mr Beamish attributes it to his cyber canine Scrap Iron. Jihadis do not like to visit places with dogs. This is all the more reason we should
love man's best friend. Some of us have an unusual love for man's best friend with red wine and wild rice.

We have learned this week that Mr Beamish is quite well versed in comic books. He even explored a possible alternative universe where an odd new Super hero Wolverbeaker may join the Avengers. Now only one of us has an actual kick A^%&%^^ action figure made in his honor.

I will now play the audio bloopers from Jihadi Toy Story with his co star Hassan Miah


Hassan: I do not understand this how does a twelve inch action figure get love letters from Mariah Carey.
Mr Beamish I didn't say where the twelve inches were. As they say in the real estate biz location, location and location.

Hassan: Do you realize that according to Beakerkin that we made $400,000 dollars running the prison cigarette,alcohol and floozie rackets
Mr Beamish : Whattttt that means when I win the Presidency I will have to take a pay cut. Damn Bolsheviks!!!!!

Now if there is any complaint about the cheap booze and roadkill at this roast Warren is handling those functions.

Lets the testemonials and jokes flow freely as we salute Mr Beamish

93 comments:

Mad Zionist said...

Beamish, it's important that gas mask is on for protection - our protection from that nasty puss of yours, that is.

-insert rimshot here-

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Mr. Beamish can't type. It's true. He's a hunt and pecker.

beakerkin said...

We have to be more careful with our parody. One of AOW's students was looking for the Mr Beamish story The Man In The Iron Gas Mask.

nanc said...

i'm sure it was beamish who inspired my avatar also.

Always On Watch said...

Mr Beamish single handedly set the pace for the avatar craze that swept our circle.

The Beamish gas mask inspired all of us. And Warren was kind enough to help those of us who are technologically-challenged.

Way back when, Beak, when you introduced me to this little family, you gave quick character sketches of various who hang out here. You said, "Mr. Beamish is fun too." It took me a while to catch on to Mr. Beamish's sense of humor. The one piece which finally clued me in was the guide for handling the Koran. Can we air-drop copies of that guide all over the Middle East? The furor would make the Cartoonifada pale in comparison.

The Beamish approach to art has caused me to laugh all the way down the road as I drive to work: Renoir Duck, the Sphinx, and gas-mask-at-Mecca (with Beak standing guard). And for days, I'd just break out laughing when I reviewed those images in my mind's eye. My students howled over the Beamish art, too.

Mr. Beamish's site is one of those you-never-know-what-to-expect blogs.

I urge Mr. Beamish to publish a book of his Beamishisms. A certain bestseller! Every public library needs a copy, too.

Warren said...

"Now if there is any complaint about the cheap booze and roadkill at this roast Warren is handling those functions."

What's wrong with Richard's Wild Irish Rose?

For those who wish red wine, red dye #4 is avalable.

the merry widow said...

Bad Warren, baaaaadddd! "snort" I think I'll BYOB! I am interested in the "specials", what haute cuisine can we expect? Is it ripe or very fresh? Nanc said she's bringing salad, what artery clogger dessert should I bring? That's why I need to know the "specials", I have to be able to coordinate here! Warren, I have a cast iron dutch oven if you need it! Or should I bring bread?

tmw

nanc said...

i'm making a nice mandrake salad for brownie with sumac berry dressing and a hint of sassafras root for flavor...

nanc said...

aow - CARTOONIFADA! must be added to the dictionary!

nanc said...

one of the very best beamish arguments between him and jacob laksin at mbc can be found here:

http://moonbatcentral.com/wordpress/?p=1464#comments

too lengthy to post, but worth the read - beamish had laksin at "hello"!

nanc said...

there are some classic j.bargholz, madzionist and others in that entire post.

nanc said...

on being sensitive to moonbats, beamish expounded:

"What a bunch of pussified dickheads."

hey, i didn't say it - it can be found right here:

http://moonbatcentral.com/wordpress/?p=1416#comments

and then i went on to have a great disagreement with mr. dipippo! now i'm going to get melancholy. later...

the merry widow said...

Sounds yummy, Nanc! I especially like the touch of ssassafras, very hoity-toity! What's Mr. Beamish's favorite roadkill? Does it come with gravey or barbeque? Is it all barbeque? what about smoked? Should I make sour cream biscuits?
Tell me please, I need to get my grocery list together!

tmw

Mr. Ducky said...

Beak, I must ask. Do you generate the interview questions yourself?

If so, I find them creative and at odds with your usual ranting.

nanc said...

are you calling beak facetious, plucky?

Mr. Ducky said...

Oh and Beak, I don't like to see teams go down to injuries but without Matsui the bottom of your order is absolute dog crap. Spankees are in trouble.

nanc said...

plucky, i'm sure beamish would want to talk about golf, not football, when he gets here - now erase that post!

F.B. Jones said...

I hope there is room on the table for sticky rice.
Mans best friend is always best with sticky rice.

Here scrap iron, here boy.

FLORIAN said...

While I don't know Mr. Beamish that well I certainly applaud his blog efforts and incredibly insightful and ingenius posts. I'll have to add him to my blogroll this weekend! Cheers with Pabst Blue ribbon beer and a skunk burger!

the merry widow said...

Jacob- There is always room for good food! Yes, Scrap Iron will be allowed to run free. My dog would have a ball with him, he loves to play, we'll have hungry, tired puppies I'm sure! It is alright to bring puppy-wuppies isn't it Nanc? Just not the same without them!

tmw

nanc said...

only on a kabob! with sticky rice.

nanc said...

beak - o.t. - did you see the guy who came to donal's and gave her the rules for posting at d.u.? check it out - she could not have asked for a better endorsement.

now, if the prezidential candydates would just stroll in here and see with their own eyes THEIR competition!

ecology said...

Hello TMW! and everyone else.

beakerkin said...

Ducky

I generate the interview questions myself and it takes time to put a good interview together. My interview with Rob the Dirty Liberal is an example of a good interview. We already know his politics and learn nothing by thrashing them out. A good interview like the one with Rob focuses on special issues we do not know. I never thought about what happens if a physics experiment goes haywire.

One of the reasons I did not want or offer John Brown an interview is that he is one dimensional. Florian tried his best bust the subject stinks and would be challenging even for someone who has done several interviews.

The Yankees will be fine with Bernie and Bubba Crosby.

Where is Farmer John, Jeffbargholz
and the wry but always comedic Justin Morris.

nanc said...

rob's interview was exquisite, beak, simply exquisite and i'm surprised it didn't generate more traffic.

bargholz commented on my new post - i'll leave a note there for him if he comes back.

beakerkin said...

Ecology

Warren also used to post on Bad Eagle as Longrange.

It is good to see you this afternoon. In the future we will have to do an interview to let my audience know more about you. In the meantime if anyone asks just mention that you are a friend of mine.

nanc said...

hi ecology...how do you feel about the smell of burning styrofoam?

nanc said...

beamish - i'm sorry, but i cannot look at this for four years - i ALMOST don't care who's running against her:

http://www.newsmax.com/

as a matter of fact, all pages that open with that should have a disclaimer - off to wash my eyes out with soap!

the merry widow said...

Ecology- watch out for Nanc! I love her, but she is a handful! Half Irish and half, was it Olagala Sioux? It makes for lively times, besides, she's a "contrary"! Check Long Range's archives. This is our hang out have fun area, we do get serious, sometimes. But mostly we enjoy each others company.

tmw
P.S. I still want to be Mr. Beamish's chief of staff, got the skillets cleaned and stacked!
tmw

nanc said...

tmw said, "... we do get serious, sometimes."

nanc said, "i'm always serious."

Always On Watch said...

Nanc,
aow - CARTOONIFADA! must be added to the dictionary!

I can't claim it as my originality as I saw it somewhere during the cartoon furor and latched onto it.

The term fits what happened. And it's still going on. Those Danish cartoonists are in hiding and the kill-them order has gone out.

Always On Watch said...

Cheap booze makes me puke. I'm willing to try properly prepared roadkill, though, as long as it's not possum or crow.

Roadkill venison is just fine--the filet mignon of roadkill, IMO.

Always On Watch said...

Nanc,
The Cartoonifada continues, as shown in this May 11, 2006 article:

...In recent weeks, German investigators have noted that at least one Islamist online magazine, Ansar al Sunna, publicized a list of every newspaper that reprinted the cartoons.

The Ansar al Sunna Web site urged Muslims to exact revenge against the newspapers that then reprinted the cartoons, including five in Germany and others elsewhere in Europe, saying that the editors of those papers should suffer the fate of van Gogh.

"The way of Jihad against the enemies of Allah is still open," the magazine said....

the merry widow said...

Nanc- ...except when you're not...
AoW- I agree, venison is the best. Possom is greasy and crow doesn't have enough meat on it to justify the effort. Armadillo is greasy too and subject to leprosy. I don't know if I could eat puppy-wuppy kabobs, I am rather fond of him! I still haven't gotten any answers yet on whether I should bring bread, artery clogging dessert or sour cream biscuits. I need opinions people, I need to go shopping. If I don't get any input its cream cheese stuffed celery-guys!

tmw

the merry widow said...

Nanc- ...except when you're not...
AoW- I agree, venison is the best. Possom is greasy and crow doesn't have enough meat on it to justify the effort. Armadillo is greasy too and subject to leprosy. I don't know if I could eat puppy-wuppy kabobs, I am rather fond of him! I still haven't gotten any answers yet on whether I should bring bread, artery clogging dessert or sour cream biscuits. I need opinions people, I need to go shopping. If I don't get any input its cream cheese stuffed celery-guys!

tmw

nanc said...

good grief, tmw - drinking so early in the day? now, go have a strong cup of coffee and come back when you don't have the hiccups! what will beamish think?

the merry widow said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was it the cream cheese filled celery? Scared you, didn't I? Mr. Beamish would probably be jealous!

tmw

beakerkin said...

Mr Beamish did defend Bill Clinton once. When Bill Clinton said " I didn't have sex with that woman" he meant Hillary. Just look at Hillary if you don't believe me.

F.B. Jones said...

You can't make us beak!! We won't look!

MissingLink said...

AOW,
as long as it's not possum or crow.
Try wombats ..they are fingerlicking delicious.
Flushed down with Ozzie plonk.
You just don't want to wake up the day after.

nanc said...

so when do you awaken, linkster?

FLORIAN said...

My JB interview is up for those interested! Ta-ta...

Solid Surfer said...

Congrats Mr. Beamish! Great site too - just checked it out!

F.B. Jones said...

I will say seriously, that Beamishes blog was the first blog that caught my eye.I began posting and stealing ideas right from the start. I believe he and Nanc stopped by and payed the Worm a visit, began commenting on my lame posts, and now I can't get rid of either of them. Come on guys get a life. And give me my eye back.

It is a roast right?

Really thanks guys all of ya. I needed something else to do on my pc besides ahh....... fill in the blank.

nanc said...

anybody having a difficult time posting at some blogger's comment sections? flo's and donal's were out earlier.

MissingLink said...

Nanc,
I normally get up at 4:30 am and run for 5-6 kilometres.
Not if I try the plonk - then Nanc my friend I wish I could die.
The headeache is just beyond description.

themerrywidow said...

Hey Nanc, just read a.c.s blog. Dang my pc doesn't even see the word verification and he has no e-mail! I wanted him to know I would be praying for him and I think he's a grand human being to want to help people directly. I know when I do give, I prefer it go to someone I know who will use it wisely! Pass that on will you? Thanks!

tmw

nanc said...

ain't it funny how time slips away - they ought to write a song about that! a few months ago - beamish was doing a blow-by-blow account of the state of the union address and i, with nothing better to do, chimed in and here it is:

http://thecrankfiles.blogspot.com/2006/01/this-space-reserved.html#comments

pay attention to the times - very important - also warren slides in a few of his own! this is the stuff dreams are made of!

what do you mean it didn't really happen?

FLORIAN said...

Nanc--my blog and donal's were out earlier? What time? I didn't have problems

nanc said...

just the comments flo and it wasn't very long.

Jeff Bargholz said...

I always assumed Beamish served in the Desert storm, or the latest spanking of Iraq.

Our soldiers needed gas masks on the day of the invasion to protect themselves from the smell of millions of Iraqis shitting their pants in terror.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Nope, Jeff. I've never been in the military. Both of my older brothers are career Navy.

I always imagined boot camp would go something like this:

Drill Sergeant: "Beamish! Get up that wall now!"

Beamish: "But it's not an obstacle, sir. I can walk around it."

DS: "I said get up that wall now!!!"

Beamish: "I've got some C-4 in my pack. Can I blow a hole in the wall so everyone can get to the enemy and kill him faster, sir?"

DS: "What are you, some kinda damned General Genius?"

Beamish: "Nah. My eyesight's not good enough to fly stealth bombers."

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Today's (well, yesterday's) theme song was "Workin' For The Weekend" by Loverboy. At least, that was on the radio when I drove to work Friday afternoon.

beakerkin said...

Mr Beamish

Why don't you place Sweet Home Alabama on your blog as a slap at the Duck ?

Mr Beamish can get back in the presidental race . All we need is for Al Gore to start endorsing other candidates. Every candidate endorsed by Gore seems to tank shortly after he endorses them.

We have not decided on a VP . I eliminated myself as I wanted to be President of Vice not Vice President.

The campaign might be in poor shape but we can beat Carol Mosely Braun's record of one supporter in New Hampshire.

nanc said...

without a doubt.

nanc said...

i heard beamish was going to take ALL the women in his life out for an expensive meal tomorrow in honor of mother's day - so he's making them all bologna sandwiches and going to park at the gas station!

no limits to his generosity!

nanc said...

BEAMISH - put some clothes on!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060513/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/spies_eyes

beakerkin said...

Nanc

It is bad form to go outside with no clothes and a gasmask.

nanc said...

well, if anybody could pull it off...

nanc said...

for some strange reason - that doesn't sound right!

F.B. Jones said...

Beamish,
you should get Mr. Bungles cover of the loverboy jam.
I like it better. You may as well.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

FBJ,

Mr. Bungle cracks me up. I don't have that one though.

Nanc,

Keep this up and I'll threaten to unmask myself.

FLORIAN said...

Anybody hear the Bush radio address? Afterwards, some double-dems were talking about how they would investigate and "not tolerate" wiretaps or snooping of phone records. My question is this: Isn't it the role of the gov't to protect us and snoop on suspected Al Qaeda and Islamo-fascists to prevent another disasterous attack?
If another attack does happen, what do you think the double-dems will say then? "Mr. Bush, you didn't do enough to prevent this attack and just allowed it to culminate".
It makes you want to scream listening to these bed-wetting liberals. You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

nanc said...

beamish - do it! let's see if somebody, somewhere draws a bead on you!

Esther said...

All hail, President Beamish! Beamish and his trusty sidekick, Scrap Iron, inspired my adoption of Squirt, so he has my eternal thanks. What's not to love about Beamish? He's all rapier wit and a bag of chips.

PS: Beak, thanks for the heads-up on AC. Much appreciated.

MissingLink said...

Esther!!!!
So good to see you joining the party!!!

nanc said...

where has esther been? 'fess up esther!

beakerkin said...

Lady Esther

Glad you could join our tribute to the blogosphere's Presedential candidate of choice Mr Beamish. I had forgotten that you also have a mascott. Mr Beamish is inspirational on many levels. There is the ittle known Beamish school of geometry . Well if we lob shell in a semicircle into Iran
we creat a series of balast circles which can be bisected...
Beamishometry did not catch on because of the teachers unions.

Kyle said...

NANC I don't want to be mean, but your avatar looks like an explosion in a Mardi Gras parade.

BTW how do I make one?

beakerkin said...

Kyle Warren at Long Range has created several. He will be more then able to help you.

nanc said...

well, thank you kyle - as beak said, warren is avatar king. i suppose he observes you for a month or six and then decides what you are, like beakerambo, or rosie on watch - he created a superb avatar for fern which remains unclaimed and can be found here:

http://longrange.blogspot.com/2006/04/double-suprise-for-nanc-p-and-freedom.html#comments

you will get the whole lowdown or highup on mine there. not to worry, warren is padding my bank account over this! and kyle, you couldn't be mean if i said you were!

Always On Watch said...

Nanc,
as beak said, warren is avatar king. i suppose he observes you for a month or six and then decides what you are

I think so. Warren is a great friend. I'm blest to be able to count him as a good friend.

Beak,
It is bad form to go outside with no clothes and a gasmask.

That depends. Hehehe.

nanc said...

we're all blessed to have warren in our lives. the ties that bind.

nanc said...

and before i forget - you, aow, are also a blessing in many of our lives - i didn't mean to discount you and just got sidetracked because it's almost 9:30 and i haven't had supper! my houseplants are starting to look like fair game...

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Florian,

Many misunderstandings of leftist philosophy stem from the erroneous belief that leftism is rooted in anything related to intellectual thought.

The history of leftism tells a different story. If leftism could actually produce an ideal social framework, there would be no need for thugs with Mausers and AK-47s to "implement" it.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Nanc,

If I unmask, I'll have to shave.

Brooke said...

Beamish, you are certainly the best one-liner around!

F.B. Jones said...

He's got my vote in '08.

nanc said...

shave what? your face? your head?

nanc said...

ice?

nanc said...

beamish went to the psychiatrist wearing only cellophane underwear, to which the shrink said, "i can see clearly, you're nuts!"

nanc said...

beamish fiance: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

beamish: Sure, what's your phone number??

nanc said...

beamish at the coffee shop:

"Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

beamish: "What other colors do you have?"

Esther said...

I have definitely missed you guys...I'm LOL reading these responses.

Sorry I've been MIA.... wish I had a good excuse other than information overload and holding down two jobs. That and I think my bf was feeling neglected. ;)

Warren said...

Esther,
Believe me, I know the feeling!

Beaker Rambo is the intelectual and creative propery of Mr Beamish and the Beak.

Its a great avatar!

Kyle, if you need help drop me a message at Nanc and my blog.

Jason_Pappas said...

One thing great about a free market is the division of labor. I like to ponder and expound. Beak throws the book at the Commies. But Beamish is a man of few words and few bullets ... he doesn't need more to hit his target. Teddy Roosevelt is a boisterous man with a short stick compared to the one and only Beamish. Step out of the way and give him a clear shot ... Bravo (to quote Eastwood in For A Few Dollars More.)

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Nanc,

I dunno. My long hair's seen better days, what with the thinnin' and all, might as well spite progress and go bald while I still have a mop to shave. And I've got this really psuedo-demonic V.I. Lenin van dyke facial hair thing going on. I'll shave one or the other, but not both.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Beaker Rambo is all Beakerkin's idea. I just Windows Paintbrushed it together between insane giggling fits. I'm glad it turned out so well.

nanc said...

beamish - shave it! baby butt bald! fu manchu! rayban aviators! a look that never fails.

the merry widow said...

Very intimidating! After you become Pres. you'll scare the secret service too! They'll respect you for sure! Heck, even I'd come to attention and salute when you walked by!

tmw

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Nanc,

You want me to look like a Volkswagen Beetle with the doors open?

nanc said...

sooooooo, that's what it looks like under there.....nevermind.

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