Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kosher Wine , Deer meat and a Ford do not mix

At 4AM this morning I hit a deer with my Ford. There was no damage to the car as I slowed to 5MPH and the deer was no worse for the wear. I was driving along at 30 MPH coming around a turn when a deer appeared in the middle of the road. I had oncoming trafic on one side and trees on the left. If I slammed on the brakes there was a good chance I would be in the great blog in the sky. I said Bambi it you or me and it aint going to be me.

I hit the deer and sent him flying about 10 feet but I had got the car to a stop. I remembered the sage words of a coworker if you ever hit a deer stay in the car. Do not check to see if the deer is okay. Sure enough after two minutes the buck sprang up and started to move like a mechanical bull.

I arrived at work and assumed my car must be totaled . Yet when I met my boss in the parking lot I found not even a scratch.

Naturaly the forces of evil have claimed credit for the suicide deer. 167, 147, Ducky, Hezbollah and Osama all claimed credit. My coworkers were amazed at how calm I was. I did not survive historic events to be taken out by a deer in VT. Yet having been through those events I no longer fear the unknown as it is part of life. Not that I am in a hurry to go to the afterlife . 167 assures me that as a Zionist I am hell bound. He also claims I will meet Pope John Paul, Reagan and Sharon. I'll take that company over commies any day.

Now all you Jewish motorists please remember Deer meet does not go with Kosher wine.
Leave the road kill for the poor and other scavengers like far left environloosers.


Anonymous said...

So when are you gonna go out and buy some deer "whistles" for your Ford? Just paste 'em to the bumper and hope they hear you coming next time.


Anonymous said...

Ooops, almost forgot. The whistles don't work unless there's a rabbit's foot on your keychain as well...


Plato "Charmides"...

"But I controlled myself, and when he asked me if I knew the cure of the headache, I answered, but with an effort, that I did know.

And what is it? he said.

I replied that it was a kind of leaf, which required to be accompanied by a charm, and if a person would repeat the charm at the same time that he used the cure, he would be made whole; but that without the charm the leaf would be of no avail."


Always On Watch said...

A collision with a deer doesn't often come out so well. A few years ago, a neighbor's friend died is such a collision on her way to work when the struck deer's hooves pierced the windshield and impaled her.

I did not survive historic events to be taken out by a deer in VT. Yet having been through those events I no longer fear the unknown as it is part of life. Not that I am in a hurry to go to the afterlife. Country roads--and even suburban roads--have terrible accidents like the one you had. You had a close call! In fact, when I saw the title of your article here, I reflexively gasped--then realized you must be okay because you had posted this article.

Stay safe!

beakerkin said...


I was down around 5MPH and at that speed it was not a close call. My coworkers were amazed at my calmness and humor at the sitution.

However the experience does make me wonder about those who drink and drive. People who drink and drive are insane. Had my judgement or faculties been impared this would not be a humor post.

Farmer J

The locals swear I am the luckiest man alive. At least two people had me buy powerball tickets. I guess luck is a relative perception.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Beakerkin the Deer Whisperer.

Always On Watch said...

You make a very important point about drinking and the resultant impaired judgment and reaction time.

Mr. Ducky said...

Driving drunk again, eh Beak. No wonder the local gendarmes are pulling your punk ass over ever few days.

Hope you hit a freakin' moose next time. That will take out anything except a Hummer.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Speaking of roadkill, a lot of Eastern Europeans and Russians I know that have recently moved to the United States are amazed that grocery stores don't have roadkill in their meat departments.

Then again, these people get fined for slaughtering goats in their driveways and building smokehouses in their backyards. In a residential neighborhood.