Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Maybe Never

I want to point out I am a NYC type and for me in my heart I live in post racial America. The man down the block is just that and it is my reality. The idea that any American is less than equal is foreign to the readers of this site.

I am having a hard time accepting the reality of the illogical of proclaiming one's self a patriot without getting that Blacks are American too. How does one proclaim patriotism, but miss that concept. Once again the Bad Eagle's Eva Braun addresses me as a foreigner.

In the eyes of Dr's quote number one fan "the Jew is foreign". Sorry but my family has been here for three generations.

When I talk of post racial America, I talk of the day where we embody the true ideals of Americanism. For many this was the promise of Obama. Of course Obama himself is more of a symbol than a person. His policies are dreadful, his judgment poor and his ego makes Clintons look normal.Maybe the dream will be filled when we can say his ideas stink and everyone focuses on the idea.

Perhaps it is naive to think post racial America will ever be a real place. Yet I know in the heart of my readers from Junglemom to AOW it is our mindset. We have the big table of equals in our hearts allready even before the Obama myth of a nation in need of healing was being bandied.

I look at Yeagley and he is the White supremacists dream. They get an Indian affirming their hatred of blacks in a proAmerica way. Of course Yeagley will correctly point out he never submitted these articles to racist sites. However, as a man of words he must understand his myth is larger than himself. The Obama being criticized in racial terms posts are something I can not defend. Of course even as I disagree on policy with Obama, our critique must be true to our American vision of the big table.

I recently found myself accused of racism a while back. I had a nonromantic friendship with a Black West Indian woman. I really was not looking for love when Sunbeam entered my life. Many did not understand the deep love in my heart proceeded our relationship. She was always the nuturing woman of my dreams. She was and remains very beautiful but there were many beautiful women but I was drawn to her. There was a magic I never forgot when our eyes would meet.

I found my love of Sunbeam criticized by many. For them we were two Jews and my choice was racial. I tried to convey us growing up together and the yearning in my heart. I never forgot her over the years. When she got divorced she looked for me, but I was adventuring in Vermont.
She and I exchanged emails and a few phone calls before we met. The electricity was in the air before we met. We were walking like lovers in less than five minutes of our first date.

At work I had a whale of a time explaining my changes. I had dated but was aloof and not looking
for love. They saw me change in weeks, but did not understand how it happened quickly. In reality Sunbeam and I knew each other for 35 years. We grew up together, but I walked another
path and she remained in the community.

I guess my coworkers expect love to be logical and rational like my vision of the big table. The big table form of Americanism is at the center of my soul. My vision of the society is different from my the yearnings in my heart as a person matter.

Maybe post racial America is as real as Utopia as some will always cling to hatred. Maybe there is a flip side to my belief that all is rational and logical. Maybe I have to accept that as humans there are things we cant convey and to expect logic and reason from some even myself is itself illogical.

Can I explain how people hold hatred in their heart and do not grasp the concept of the big table even as they imagine themselves patriots. Can I explain a deep love that bloomed in minutes to people who see my personal choice as racist and crazy. Do we need to accept that on some level
many of are irrational.

I remeber explaining to the West Indian friend the two times in my life I fell in love in seconds. She is a thirty something person who is materialistic and cynical about love claiming she never felt it. Oddly, Sunbeam said the same thing until over a year ago. I remeber being in college at a memorial service for a girlwholived up the block. Even though she lived up the block we never interacted as she was very religious and I was free. The few times we took the bus from College she would break my shoes about going to Hillel and meeting a soul mate. I was a young man with
movie star looks. My pictures from that time are regularly mistaken for Tony Curtis. I was dating the UN and at times socialites. It was a crazy time and I was young and believed everything was possible. This girl up the block died in a car crash and it was my one and only time going to Hillel. I went to the procession and a young woman came in with a friend. There were sparks going everywhere and it was as if there was nobody else in the room. I remember my friend knowing in seconds "Beaks she just isn't interested in me". Oddly when I run into people from that time they always remeber her even if they met her once. I guess the deep love that bloomed in seconds was memorable.

I discounted that as a folly of my youth. I met Sunbeam and in minutes the connection was there. The previous time it was like a thnderstorm, but this time it was sweet and sunny and just as passionate.

I could not convey this to a friend who felt rejected angry and jealous. Over time she tried to pull me away from Sunbeam. She couldn't compette and it was never a contest. It turned very bitter and we haven't spoke in five months. For her the fact Sunbeam stirr't achieve ed my heart was racist. For me it was the logical completion of a dream. Love and hatred are illogical and at some level all of us are irrational.

Maybe there are dreams we can not reach and things that can't be explained.

7 comments:

Ducky's here said...

Beak, cut the crap.

Stay away from Betty Boop over at Gay Eagle. She and Gay Eagle are certifiable.

Always On Watch said...

I am having a hard time accepting the reality of the illogical of proclaiming one's self a patriot without getting that Blacks are American too.

Well, I guess that many don't see America as a post-racial society.

Interestingly, I've found the phenomenon true among some of my liberal friends. They invite people of other races to their parties, but only for show.

The Pagan Temple said...

Beak, the Yeagley is an embarrassment to any patriotic or conservative American, especially conservative American Indians. On top of that, and though this is no skin off my nose, he's an embarrassment to any devout Indian Christian. On the other hand, there's no reason to feel so bad about that. There are more than enough liberal, far left Indians to whom American patriotism is a dirty term, who in many cases are adherents of the old tribal faiths whom some might term pagan, and who far too often are barking-at-the-moon crazy as shit house rats, as are far too many other pagans. So if you're worried about Yeagley making others look bad, don't. There are enough moonbats on the left among Indians, and others, to more than make up for Yeagley's bullshit.

Always On Watch said...

Once again, I state that I'm glad that I never got involved with that particular web site.

Alligator said...

Beak, as you know I left Bad Eagle long ago. I became troubled by the increasing stereotypical and pejorative statements made on that site about blacks, Hispanics, Jews and American Indians. I was troubled by Yeagley's lack of empathy for other Indians and readily calling other Indians "illogical", "liars", "impostors", and "blacks" when they questioned him. It didn’t matter if they were civil. I have interacted socially and professionally with Indians for a good part of my life. There were things about Indians that Yeagley did not understand. That's not his fault, as he was not raised in that way. But he should have spent more time with Comanche elders and quietly reconnected to his tribe. Instead he issued authoritative opinion on Comanche and Indian issues, spawning the disdain many Indians have for him.

I tried going back to his site a couple of times but couldn't stay there. I finally left quietly because generally I am not a confrontational guy. Yeagley is free to do as he pleases on his website but I chose to leave because of the uncontrolled racial and misogynistic invective. The type of rhetoric that drove me away are found in Yeagley’s own words from June 12, 2009, in "The Hated White Race"
“White women are leaping in bed with black men, or other darkies of the world, and popping out strange-looking children.

It’s all about sexual aggression against the white race. They’re happy to conquer for the moment, and to create ghastly, permanent consequences. Marriage and family have nothing to do with these misanthropes, nor the lusus naturae they create.”

I take a person's words at face value and as an indication of what is in their heart. “Lusus naturae” is Latin for "joke of nature" meaning a creature that defies identification or is deformed. That is a horrible, despicable thing to say about children, especially considering that they have no choice in who their parents are. This is deeply troubling to me as I know mixed race families who are decent, patriotic, God-fearing folks making positive contributions to their community. Their kids look fine and are better behaved than many “racially pure” children. Those statements just don’t offend me they actually make me mad.

There are sexually irresponsible people OF ALL COLORS. Out of wedlock children tend to have more social problems than those with two supportive parents. But calling children "jokes of nature" is simply cruel, condescending, and heartless. Where is his humanity?

“This denigration of race is a cruel mockery of manhood.”
That is what you expect to find on Storm Front, Aryan Nations or a Klan website.

“It seems Hitler had a point when he referred to “the hated white
race.” (Mein Kampf, p.325.)”
Why in the world would he cite Hitler as an authority (and its not the first time) and then wonder out loud why his writings show up on white supremacist websites, or why people call him a racist?

“The white man’s self-flagellation is the only hope of the darkies.”
There we go again with the denigrating terms for non-whites. I could go on and on with more examples but there is no point in doing so. Nora cited someone who said "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..."

Yeagley believes that his viewpoint represents patriotic, Judeo-Christian, conservative, thinking. However many that hold to those ideals have been repelled by his writings. I'm guessing that Horowitz saw the direction he was going and quietly distanced himself from him. Race is not the sum of one's humanity; it is their character and personal values. But Yeagley sees values and race as inseparable. From July 9, 2009:
“Ideology trumphs [trumps] skin? I think not! However we might wish it to be so, it doesn’t. A black person around non-black people is agonizingly self-conscious. The problem is in him, 90% of the time, I fear. They are out of their boundary, in a way. Black people are “African,” right?.”

I've seen my name brought up in threads since I left Bad Eagle but said nothing. I finally feel compelled to speak up about why I left.

beakerkin said...

Gator

The Hated White Race was the final straw for me. What in God's name was the man thinking?

He had a great concept and screwed it up. If he were as good as advertised he would be a giant.

I pretty much kept to the Jewish sections and did not read much of his other stuff. He is a friend to the Jewish people, but I had to take it on the chin many times as a parade of antisemites ran wild. Yeagley thinks one can reason with
insane lunatics.

The most insane and bigoted of the cast is Batty Ann aka the BAG. She
is bigoted, ignorant, uncouth and devoid of all social graces. I around five years of my being on the site I can't remember a single
intelligent comment. She is the apex of buffoonery on the web. She is about as popular as VD amongst Indians.

I looked around my friends were gone except Winters. Where was Warren, TMW, Kidst, the Hun, Mac, Vanfield, Amil, Johny Mac, Raven, yourself and many others. They left and what was left was a Nazi goon and his poorly written sock puppets.

Mac made Yeagley look better than he was by keeping the bigots at bay.

Yeagley blames his perceived antisemitism and is clueless about the impact of the anti black bs for his falling out with Horowitz.
I have come to know Horowitz via email and we have never discussed the situation but I strongly suspect you are right.

Will Yeagley heed the words of his old friends? Nope as when I offered him a chance to make peace with his critics he was above it.

He had a great idea, but screwed it up with his warped vision.

CM said...

GATOR,

Everything you said is true. I was beginning to think....why does not anyone say anything but me? He has called me a liar publicly, in fact and said I called his Mother a Whore! I swear on a Bible that I never would say that, NEVER. Most likely baggy ann told him this. Aside from all the accusations he threw at me, it is the way he treats any Native American that sees fit to respond to his ignorance of the Native People, I really take offense to. He claims his is a Native American Patriot place to air, yet he ridicules and warns and then deletes those few Indians who takes the initiative to respond who disagree with him. Making fun of their names etc.

For a while I thought I was in twilight zone, because no member said anything against the man! Wow, I am not the only one who thinks as you all do, thank you for that! Thats why I said Beaks site was a breath of fresh air.

That comment "Lusus naturae" is the lowest...but maybe its himself he is thinking of, after all he speaks of his mutulated body, that no one sees. You know the Lord works in mysterious ways....maybe something good will happen with all this hate! We can read his words, but we don't believe the way he does...not when it comes to the beautiful children of the World. All colors, beautiful baby faces, loud and boistrous full of happiness, our future. He is not carrying this on, he needs to accept this and know there are others like him.......

I know Indians get a bad reputation from Drunken, lazy, beggers pagans, and barking at the moon and he and baggy ann contributes to it.

Indians love their children tooooo a fault and I think for the most part we are too lenient. I know we need to make them chop, chop, chop more. Maybe thats what his family did to him, who knows but himself....maybe thats why he does not like children, they remind him of what he never was...a child, to be free to be loud, laugh and have fun! As much Hate as he lays on me publicly, I'm like Beak, I can still forgive him, but not the bag, NEVER!

Thank you Gator for your words, We Indians really are for the most part Just like YOU! I know no other like Yeagley, none.

COMANCHEMOON