Friday, September 10, 2010

The Odd Couple

The mighty Beakerkin Art players presents a spoof of the noted play and TV show.

Intro

On November 13 Felix Poultry was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife, neighbors and community. Deep down the Duck thought he was right. But someday he knew he would move back in with her when the settlement money ran out. With nowhere else to go he appeared at the home of his childhood friend Oscar Beakerkin. Several years earlier Beakerkin's wife threw him out requesting that he never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

Beakerkin: Will you stop crying about your wife?
Poultry: Who is crying about the divorce look at this mess. You have a pile of Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin books. Have you seen the food in the fridge there isn't anything that qualifies as plant food in the fridge.
Beakerkin: I believe in the food chain with me at the top. I eat the animals who eat the veggies and cut out the middleman.
Poultry: Typical Capitalist Officer devouring those ....
Beakerkin: Spare me the Marxist crap or I will have to play the best of Mark Levin CD. Besides tonight is poker night, the guys are coming over for some brews, fried chicken. It what us real men do to blow off steam. Why don't you run off to your cell meeting and plan your fruitopian revolution.
Poultry: Tonight is criticism night...
Beakerkin: Okay you are a snob and an imbecile. Now run along and let the real guys have some fun.
Poultry: Why do you think I am less manly than you.
Beakerkin: You teach doodling.
Poultry: Fine Art.
Beakerkin: Whatever. You don't exude manliness and machismo. Droning on about failed mendicant moron philosophers and obsessive bigotry aimed at Jews is not manly.
Make yourself useful get the door.
Poultry: Oh my God......
Mr B. : Beakerkin I know this place is a mess but now you let a Pinko from Union Square in.
Poultry: You don't mean to say we are going to be playing poker with the infamous enemy of the people Mr B. B-B-B but he is the man who stars in all of those films that make Rambo look like an amateur.
Beakerkin: Yeah those films are great.
Poultry: Can you at least have the decency to take off the gasmask when you drink the beer.
Mr B. In this appartment.
Poultry: He does have a point. But those films they inspire mindless patriotism...
Mr. B. : We have a cure for that.
Poultry: Stop it you brute this isn't gym class .....I'm too old for a wedgie...
Warren: Did I miss something whose the pinko
Beakerkin: That a childhood friend poultry. His wife tossed him out for being a commie.
Warren: Smart woman. How come the none of your comrades would take you in.
Poultry: God may forgive you brutes...ohmp..Aren't we too old for mindless violence
against political activists
Everyone: Nooo
Beakerkin: Meet my buddy Warren. He is a Vietnan era veteran who runs the best garage in the city.Poultry Don't say it don't think it or Mr. B will think of some new humiliation.
Pagan: I brought the deli from Katz's. Whose the Commie pantywaist.
Mr B: Some childhood friend of Beakerkin whose wife got tired of his Marxism.
Pagan: Obviously she was tired of waiting for her loser boy to get a job.
Poultry: I teach fine arts you Capatalist brutes. Is it my fault you clowns are to uncivilized to appreciate fine art.
Pagan: I am appreciating some of the fine art Sonia sent us.
Beakerkin: A drop dead gorgeous babe who enjoys porn we do and is sharper than a tack. They don't make them like that anymore.
Mr B: Hey let me look at those.
Poultry: Pornography is exploitation of women to suit the puerile interests of Capatalist jerks.
Beakerkin: Oh meet my friend Pagan Temple he owns Pagans Exotic meats. If it is legal and edible we sell it.
Pagan: Some would argue about the edible part. I got some rattlesnake meat prepared Texas style.
Poultry: You babrabarian trading the flesh..
Pagan: That's Pagan and smile when you say that.
Elmer: Hey guys the postman didn't ring. I see you wear Fruit of the Loom. What did you do to annoy Mr B.
Beakerkin: Never mind him he is just a childhood friend whose wife decided she can't put up with his communism.
Elmer: Guess she wanted a real man commies need not apply.
Beakerkin: This is Elmer retired navy man now working in the Post Office.
Poultry: You have a regular crime syndicate all you need is Hyman the Zionist hedge fund owner and you have a complete set of Capitalist Pigs.
Beakerkin: Poultry go to your room...
Poultry: Stop pelting me with chicken bones you are making a mess. Where is Che when I need him. It looks like a lynch mob retreat....

9 comments:

Speedy G said...

Mood music...

The Pagan Temple said...

Damn, all this time and you still haven't got the Duck sent off to Gitmo yet? Maybe if you promise to attach some electrodes to his genitals in between waterboarding sessions he'll volunteer to go.

Ducky's here said...

Beak, I never realized how much you want to pack a little fudge with beamish.

Rock steady, he looks easy enough to dominate. I think he even likes cats which gives you an idea of his manliness.

beakerkin said...

Thanks Speedy. It fits

Pagan

The Duck said he would go to GITMO when the Jihadis agree to watch Brokeback Mountain with him.

Duncy

Lets see Beamish and I have clearly written about relationships with females. You are more apt to be gay than anyone here except for Justin or Devon.

I guess the truth is you are way more bigoted and homophobic than Yeagley or anyone else here.

Ducky's here said...

Dear Beak,

I have to ask for your help and advise on an art matter once again.
The Boston Museum of Fine Arts, which has been notorious for promoting Muslim and commie art in the past, is at it again.
They have a small exhibit of Millet and it is clearly propaganda. Rather than just paint say haystacks and appeal to the petit bourgeois like yourself, he paints scenes which clearly make statements about labor.
He's a socialist. How can I convince the museum to put up a display of artists which will allow people like yourself to snooze through the exhibit without ever being required to think.
I want to make the museum safe for the far right, please help.

Sincerely,
Ducky

beakerkin said...

I think it is time to take the Beakerkin parodies to the masses. Let the youth see that communism is evil, uncool and deserve ridicule.

I may have to write episode three of All in the Beakerkin Family.

beamish said...

Duckt,

Your priest called. He's got the glory hole in the confessional fixed.

Speedy G said...

Duckman,

Offer free admission for nuns who will repeat the Angelus per normal thrice daily schedule during the Millet exhibition next time. It helps to offer a true (vice faux Neo-Marxian) context in which to hang the paintings.

Ducky's here said...

Actually, Speedy, they have sung the Angelus at various times at the Isabella Gardner.

Very moving. Good idea.