Monday, July 31, 2006

Newsflash Beakerambo Freed

Beakerambo is freed in Trashcanistan. We would interview him but the me me me sounds like giberish. The Beamish army infiltrated the jihadi safehouse. Kamal Jacqi appears to be dead but the questions remain.

How did John Bwown get to Rio? Who told the Liberterian army where the hash stash was? Did John Bwown sell out the clowns of jihad. Mumia has escaped and is rumored to be impersonating Danny Glover. Maybe this explains who got Mel Gibson drunk. Where are the rest of the clowns of jihad?


Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

It appears that some soldier in the Beamish Army left his transmitter on during the assault on Kamal Jaqi. I've been provided a declassified transcript of the inadvertent broadcast:

Beakerambo: Meep Meep Meep!

Kamal Jaqi: No! Please do not hurt me!

Beamish: Caught you trying to sleep, you jihadi jackass!

Kamal Jaqi: How is this possible? By Allah it is an army of fully poseable action figures!

Beamish: With Kill Devil Ninja Grip, bitch!

Kamal Jaqi: Argh! Geck! Coff coff coff!

Beakerambo: Meep! Meep Meep!

Beamish: They fed you garbage? How 'bout we feed this Trashcanistani diaperhead some garbage?

Beakerambo: Meep!

Kamal Jaqi: No! Please! It is our way! Everyone here at Imam Gropeman's Finishing School dumpster-dives for food! But that is my bin for recycled paper. I can't eat GARMF urk coff coff ugh

Beamish: What's that you say? You want something to drink? Beak, pop open one of those Heinekens for me.

Kamal Jaqi: No! Please! It is haram to drink ::glurp glug coff coff urk coff urk coff:: Arrrrgh! Allah! Allah help me!

Beamish: Oh hell no.

Beakerambo: Meep!

Beamish: He did not just call upon Allah, did he?

Beakerambo: Meep!

Beamish: Did I give you permission to call upon Allah, you rat bastard piece of dog shit?

Kamal Jaqi: I... I... please! Have mercy! Give me mercy! I can't eat recycled paper! I...

Beamish: What the hell...

Beakerambo: Meep!

Beamish: He begged for mercy, didn't he?

Beakerambo: Meep meep meep meep!

Beamish: Exactly. He begged for mercy without permission. That really pisses me off. Now we have to start over.

Kamal Jaqi: Nooooooo!

Always On Watch said...

YEE-HAW! Beakerambo lives and is free!

And this is an even better look with the American flag in the background.

Kudos to Mr. Beamish for the design!

Mr. Beamish,
He begged for mercy without permission. That really pisses me off.

I just love that! Aren't we all lucky to have that transcript? Powerful stuff!

I remember your once saying something like "We should bomb them until the surrender, then bomb them again for surrending without first asking permission." I read that Beamishism to husband, and he ended up ROTFLHAO.

The Merry Widow said...

Mr."Take no prisoners"Pres-Elect strikes again!
Good morning and G*D bless!


Anonymous said...

Another feather in the cap of our presidential hopeful!!

Lookin' GOOD Beakerkin!!

Too bad the BIG BAD JIHADIS did their usual and pulled a RUNNER when confronted with TRUTH, RIGHT, and the FRIENDS OF BEAKERAMBO!!!


Anonymous said...

I believe I noticed an error in the transcription of the tape:

"Kamal Jaqi: Argh! Geck! Coff coff coff!"

I believe it should read:

Kamal Jaqi: Argh! Geck! Kofi Kofi Kofi!

I am sure he was looking for UN aid in this tight situation!!!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...


We give the enemy too many concessions as it is. Look at them breathing oxygen emitted from American trees... WITHOUT PERMISSION.

No quarter. No dimes or nickels either.

Mr. Ducky said...

Beamish , check that one out.

Christopher Hitchens gets all over Gibson's case. he calls "Passion of the Christ" a "twistedly homoerotic spank movie".

Great column, check it out. Christopher Hitchens lecturing someone on the tribulations of allegiance to that old devil booze. Great stuff.

Anonymous said...

Che Sucky Ducky,

So, Christopher Hitchins and you read the same reviews? Or have the same proclivities???

No one I know found the Passion of the Christ the slightest sexual. Not much mention of Sadistic even. The floggers looked too tired and their Commanders just didn't look like they were enjoying it.

Must be the old saying, Perversion is in the eye of the beholder!!!

Howdy there PERVERT!!!!


You MORON!!!

Brooke said...

Beak: It appears that a rat filth piece of slime has stolen your likeness again... I wonder if he stole the bandwidth again as well?

Go get im'!

Mad Zionist said...

Congrats, Beak! I'm very proud of you and Beamish for bringing the POW/MIA back from the front alive. One thing: I suggest you make your Beakrambo figure larger...just my opinion.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...


Using Christopher Hitchens to flog Mel Gibson's traditional Catholic anti-Semitism is a bit like Jeffrey Dahmer picking on Ed Gein's dental hygiene.

I notice you've got nothing to say in condemnation of Mel Gibson's drunken honesty.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...


Stolen bandwidth can be dealt with.

Always On Watch said...

No one I know found the Passion of the Christ the slightest sexual. Not much mention of Sadistic even....

Must be the old saying, Perversion is in the eye of the beholder!!!

Howdy there PERVERT!!!!

Bwahahahaha! Glad that I had set down my coffee cup and swallowerd.

nanc said...

how do we know that's the real true blue beakerambo?

beakerkin said...


I will publish the transcript of an interview with Beakerambo and Ashley Banfield

AB: Beakerambo what do you have to say to your adoring fans

BR: Meep Me me me Meeeep MEEP.

AB What was that.

BR: Meep Mee Me Me Me

AB This idiot is almost incoherent as Ozzie Ozbourne

Br Meep Meep Meep Transvestive Meep Meep

AB; Did you just call me a transvestite.

Br Meep Me Me Me Butch Meep.

AB: So help me I am going to behead the blathering idiot myself.

Ann Coulter Doll: Unhand our POW you second rate Jesse Raphael wannae.

AB: You want a piece of me.

Br: Me me Meep cat fight Oy veh meep meep.

Editor Cut this is the news not the Jerry Springer show.

drummaster2001 said...

g.i. beakerrambo is back!!

you should get the spanish 'a-team' theme playing for this one.