Friday, July 28, 2006

Legends of Northern VT The Essex Werechuck.

Rumors abound of a horrible creature roaming Essex VT. On nights with a full moon it is rumored that a horrible creature roams the woods. The werechuck was said to roam the woods in Essex. It looks like a Woodchuck on steroids but alas nobody has captured one on film.

I set out last night at 4AM because I could not sleep. I sat near the parking lot when I heard a large scrapping metal sound. I looked into the moonlit night and saw a quick gilmpse of a cat sized creature with glowing fur. The creature lumbered across the the parking lot in circled bumping into objects making a distinct metal sound.

I ran to get my camera hoping to provide all of you with a glimpse of the rare creature. I moved closer and to my surprise the creature seemed oblivious to my presence. Alas I moved to within five feet of the vile creature created of evil and prepared to get my photo and noticed a ringed tail.I looked closer and it appeared that our werechuck was just a racoon that had caught its head in a tin can.

I showed my friend on the security camera and she laughed and told me it was a canned
coon. She bravely walked up to the racoon and pulled the can off with some dificulty. The exausted racoon just laid down in a daze for about five minutes. She told the racoon in a calm voice it is time to go and it lumpered at a slow pace into the fields.

The poor animal had probably lumbered around for dayss in blazing heat with its head caught in a tin can. Obviously, this is the work of far left types like Ducky trying to create a class of welfare forrest creatures. Any animal stupid enough to get its head caught in a Jolly Green Giant can may deserve its fate.


Purple Avenger said...

During summers at the old family homestead in rural NY (between Albany and the VT border) there is some sort of creature that wanders out in the back fields that screeches and howls like someone is being murdered.

It cut loose with one right in the front yard one night and gave me quite a jolt.

There is a monstrous wood chuck living in the barn. Maybe its crossbreeding with a lynx or something...

beakerkin said...

Purple Avenger

I am amazed at how these tales always seem to involve alcohol consumption. The locals do not drink Mad Dog 20/20 so that is not the cause. In fact a couple of the locals asked me to bring it back from NYC along with Popeyes chicken.

The area you mention is Adirondack Park so polution is not the most likely cause. It could be the LSD that Ducky's friends are still taking has been ingested by the local wildlife. Those darned hippies should just overdose and stop leaving their drugs laying about for innocent wildlife to consume.

The Merry Widow said...

Beaker- You taking lessons on tall tails from the Pres-elect? ROFLMSS!
So are my teens, you certainly have a way with words!
Purple Avenger- Cats just looking for fun can sound like the worst and deadliest fight ever! Maybe it was just werechucks having fun!


Justin said...


Your story about the werechuck was just what I needed this morning. It brought back memories of a creature I was told about as a child growing up on the ranch in the texas hill country.

This creature is called the Jackalope or scientifically known as the (Lepus-temperamentalus)

It has lured many a lone hiker to their doom since it posseses the uncanny ability to mimic human voices and lures them into a trap. It is well known that they are very agressive creatures and run in packs like wolves and use their horns to dispatch their prey.

I remember the tales told on the front porch at night how these creatures would lure some unsuspecting cowboy away from the campfire by mimicing a womans voice and do him in.

When the cowboys were gathered around the campfire at night singing these creatures would mimic their voices and sing back to them.

Needless to say after listening to the old folk tell these tales,we kids never ventured beyond the front yard gate at night for fear of falling prey to these vile despicable creatures.

No, No its true they exsist. I know because I sorta kinda saw one as it made good its escape down the canyon. Well, yeah the light wasnt to good as it was getting dusk and there was a lot of scrub brush around but, I know that vile little creature was trying to lure me in to one of their traps.

Always On Watch said...

I just love your Vermont-wildlife stories!

I looked closer and it appeared that our werechuck was just a racoon that had caught its head in a tin can....Any animal stupid enough to get its head caught in a Jolly Green Giant can may deserve its fate.


As a rule, raccoons are quite intelligent. Fowl of all kinds are a different story.

The Merry Widow said...

I really enjoy the tall tales! They show a lot of imagination and creativity! I remember a group of AF families went camping at the Lake of the Ozarks, I was the youngest, soooo the teens tried to spook me with stories of a fiery man, doomed for all eternity to walk, flaming any young children who bothered the teenagers(that's the way I understood it!) I laughed in the guys face!


MissingLink said...

I am sooo proud of you and your friend for saving this poor, helpless creature from the evil grip of canned welfare.

And now everybody...

Born free, as free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Mmmm werechuck! Tastes like baby seal.

nanc said...

bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! beak, that happened to one of our cats a couple of years ago. and after a couple of hours of watching her run into trees, lawn furniture, boulders, and stumps - and when i gained my composure, i took the can off her head...

cube said...

I'm here via nanc. She seems to think a cat in a red shirt to support the troops somehow dovetails into your post about a 'coon wearing a tin can on it's head.

Ummm, none are endangered species critters are they? Nope,I didn't think so.

Still, it was a funny post nonetheless ;-)

cube said...

I'm here via nanc. She thought my post about a cat wearing a red shirt in support of the troops was somehow related to your post about a 'coon wearing a tin can on it's head.

Ummm, not a one of them is an endangered species are they? Nope...

But that sure was a funny story ;-)