Wednesday, May 09, 2007

From Our Sponsor GITMO Tours

Make America a better place and send a commie to GITMO. What better place to vent your idiocy than as a guest of the American taxpayer next door to Fidel's workers paradise, prison and collective brothel.

Call 1-888 IDI-OTIC. For those of you in MA it is 1-888 IDI-OTIC

We have a call.

Caller 1: I want to know if the film library has idiotic films that are decades old and haven't been watched in the mainstream like the Emperor Jones.

Gitmo has an extensive film library that caters to people with your mental defect.

Caller 1: Will I also be able to study caligraphy and look for the capitalist conspiratorial messages in Alhabits breakfast cereal.

Gitmo Has a full library and better cuisine than the faculty lounge at MIT.

Caller 2: I am from Tredington and I want to book my reservation for Abu Gharib role playing night. What day is naked twister?

Gitmo is not accepting reservations from the UK.

Caller 2: You are just a bigot and a tool of the zionist conspiracy.

Gitmo reservation desk.

Caller 3: I am from North Dakota and visiting Cuba and I want a decent meal in between Potemkin Village Tours.

Sorry we are only accepting long term residents. This is not a day care facility.

Caller 3: Darn Reaganomics $^%$^%^

Gitmo reservation desk.

Caller 2 Stupid Kahanist morons you are trying to get us killed

I think you have the wrong number.

Caller 2: This isn't MZ's dial a Kahanist and rant hotline.

No this is GITMO reservations.

Caller 4; I am from Mineapolis and making fun of detainess is shameful. Mentioning that on the same Island a police state with genuine political prisoners and torture is reactionary. You capatalists are shameless exploiters of the people.

GITMO; If you don't like the accomodations feel free to live with Fidel

Caller 4; Nobody wants to live with Fidel ooooops click

Remember make America a better place send a Commie to GITMO today.

6 comments:

Farmer John said...

I'd like to send in my donation and sponsor a commie. Where do I send it?

beakerkin said...

We are a for proffit entity that is providing a service to the Federal Government. We plan to self finance through a series of safari like tours.

For an extra fee a Commie will steal your wallet and curse at you for your own good. Why watch chimps in the jungle when you can watch the true beasts at Gitmo.

Always On Watch Two said...

Farmer has a point. Do we need a fund-raising drive?

Mr. Beamish the Kakistocrat said...

Subject: Adopt a terrorist.

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing
these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do our job. Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

Cordially,
Don Rumsfeld

Ortho said...

Can I report my neighbor who has annoying children and refuses to control them? I do not know if they're commies or not but they're annoying. Most commies are annoying right? I need to get them away from me...

beakerkin said...

Ortho

Commies are annoying but this is not the sole atribute. Commies tend not to have many kids as they waste their lives on stupidity.