I was having lunch with a fellow ex NYer. We were talking about home and the things we miss like Knishes, hot dog stands, rude cabbies, subway trains, Don Rickles Esque Black Hebrews on 47th and Broadway and the Flatiron Building.
The Black Hebrews are a low rent version of Nation of Islam. They had a public acsess
cable show called the Lions Den. Their routine on the street is the funniest thing in NYC. They insult all types of passers by whie explaining an incoherent conspiracy
theory. The white Jews are evil Kazars who have stolen the culture of the Black Hebrews who are the missing tribes of Israel. The theory has Haitians and Dominicans among many people who are the real chosen people.
I had a coworker who was a member of this cult explain to me the proof of this conspiracy is the J sound in Jooooooo doesn't exist in Hebrew. How this proves that the real Jews were black remains unclear. Certain sounds do not exist in other languages. Thus in Hebrew the letter yud is translated into English with a J. In Hebrew Jerusalem sounds phoeneticaly like Yerushalaim.
Perhaps UI or Jason has run into another of my favorites the hysterical 10%. Most of you think this is bank interest. The 10% is a radical offshoot of the NOI. White men were created by the mad scientist Yacoub to enslave the righteous black people. Only 10% of whom are to be saved. In person they are quite annoying but my comedic wit has made matters worse at times. I was at a party with a friends when a black female coworker asked me to dance. This annoyed the 10% but relieved me. I sat in my chair and resumed a conversation with a frind of mine from Guyana Deonarine or Dino. The outraged 10% finished the dance and told me I was the son of the devil. I assured him my father is an accountant. I have heard Satan described as a lawyer or Musician
but accountant is a new one to me. Dino and some others were in stitches. The Black man is the apex of gods creation and the white man is jealous and needs to opress us. Jealous of what??? (Word combination and euphamism alert) Do you not have eyes the creator has endowed the blackman. I asked how does he know this? Haven't you looked around a lockeroom or X-rated films. I assured him I had no such interest and speculated on why he was so interested in the subject. I was told the whiteman introduced homosexuality because they couldn't compette with Blackmen. I assured the gentleman that a quick look in Soho or the Village indicates many blackmen have opted out as well.
Back to VT. My friend and I were joined by a ditzy hippie chick. She has devoted her life to uncovering the secret of 9-11. The 9-11 attack was caused by Osama being upset with some missle tests that destroyed a mosque. The Israelis knew about the plot and told the Jews to skip work. My friend pointed out I was on hand and must have missed the memo. I asked her if she smoked pot daily and she stormed off. It is amazing how many of these cospiracy nuts there are in VT.