Sunday, April 16, 2006

What a start to this trip

I forgot to mention some more odd Vermont behavior on the start of my trip. Outside of Swanton I was deriving to NYCand behind me was an attractive woman in a pickup truck. I swerved and nearly went into a river to miss a woodchuck. The women behind me hit the woodchuck got out of the truck and tossed it in the back. Now some of you think that this was an attempt to keep the road clean. I do not want to even imagine pressed woodchuck with wild rice.

I spoke to my brother who just returned from Kuwait. He informed me that he had to salt his own butter, drink whole milk and there was no Yardley English Rose Lavender soap in his unit. I guess that means the folks in Kuwait are safe from Brian's visits.

I can only imagine a visit to Northern Vermont. Brian could eat a toe tag special breakfast until he found out the locals do not drink skim milk and salt their own butter. I am imagining a long lecture about serving woodchuck with squash and white wine. Of course Brian is an expert on everything except autoparts and bowling.

Rav Roov's kids did not fall asleep until 3 AM . Well they did notwake me up at 5AM and at least the kids know how to salt their own butter. However leaving your hand on the table is not a good idea . Shera almost took three of my fingers as I got too close to the potato chips. Jacob doesn't say much except in temple or at 5AM.

I will be back in VT and be able to get Peace and Quiet. The police raided the crack house around the corner. The North Wind should be in rare form when I return. I am certain I will get 50 questions pouting a temper tantrum. It is not easy being me but I am counting my blessings. I didn't get blown up on this trip. I did not have any unscheduled contact between my car and any wild animals. I still have all my fingers after having a meal with Shera. The local store does not sell Yardley English Rose Soap.

Beamish in 08, Ducky to migrate and 167 unread.

18 comments:

the merry widow said...

Beaker-Try Brillo toilet paper, Pine Tar soap, paper towel napkins and do collect the roadkill for barbeque! And don't under any circumstances salt the butter. Put Shera next to drama queen for meals, even if you have to borrow her for the weekend, with her parents permission of course! Just don't tell them she might eat something non-kosher, like DQ's fingers. Maybe you could have car trouble next time?

tmw

beakerkin said...

Well I made it out of the house without killing anyone . All the plumbing fixtures are out of wack.

On Memorial Day am returning for number 40. Maybe I will do a roadkill theme. This means no drama queens and no Rav Roov. His family has a bar mitzvah and the Rebetzen is so late that they might arrive when I retire.

the merry widow said...

You can get Warren to make up a kosher roadkill cookbook! Along with different sauces, mustard for skunk or ground squirrel. That would be a fun thing for Memorial Day to kick off the summer.And the big 40! Oh my, we will have to do something special, you will never be the same again! I know. Still carry some Brillo in case!

tmw

Kyle said...

cant we just ship a bunch of illegals to Vermont? they might still vote democrat but they wouldnt be so stupid.

Warren said...

I have an excellent recipe for a mustard sauce!

Roadkill by definition, cannot be kosher. It must be ritually slaughtered, (shechitah), with a single clean, deep cut across the throat by a shochet (kosher butcher). Except for a deer, elk or moose, most animals that you would run over would not be considered kosher anyway. They must have cloven hooves and chew their cud. Swarming rodents are forbidden and the hare is specifically forbidden.

Kosher cooking and recipes aren't a particular problem once you are aware of a few things but keeping a kosher kitchen can be a lot of work!

If you have friends who keep kosher, fresh fruits and vegetables are always kosher. Serve them on paper plates with bread and cheese and a kosher wine. Avoid anything that has cream of tartar or animal fat as an ingredient, (some dips) use plastic utensils and buy a new knife to cut the cheese, fruit and vegetables. You really don't need to worry about the status of the utensils or plates if the food you are serving isn't heated and they have been cleaned since they last touched meat but it will give your guests peace of mind.

I have a question for Beak, maybe you could ask the Rav if you don't know.

David, (observant Jew and part of my family), says that catfish isn't Kosher because it doesn't have scales. In truth, it has scales but they are so small that you need a magnifying glass to see them. His wife says its forbidden because its a scavenger, but the carp is permitted and its also a scavenger.

Is it non-kosher? Don't tell the Rav its for me, he's probably still upset over that kosher pig thing. LOL!

I'm not going to argue with them about it, I just want to know.

the merry widow said...

Warren- I knew about the rodents and hares, I used to baby sit for 2 conservative families. Steep learning curve! During the early years of Israel, didn't some places call pork and pigs "pelicans"?
I've been looking for a good mustard recipe! When I worked at Harris Corp. one of the supervisors churches had a Friday night barbeque. They had the best mustard sauce they used on chicken, mmmmm...you drank lots of water but my oh my!As for catfish, I think I have recreated a recipe from our favorite restaraunt in Ca. White wine, fresh mushrooms, artichoke hearts, garlic and butter! G*D must really love us to have created so many wonderful things to eat!
Beakerkin- Hope you have recovered from your ordeal! Remind me to tell you the story of Ben, his truck and 2 skunks making more skunks someday! It happened loooonngg before we met, thank G*D!
May we all survive Monday!

tmw

Always On Watch said...

Beak,
The women behind me hit the woodchuck got out of the truck and tossed it in the back. Now some of you think that this was an attempt to keep the road clean. I do not want to even imagine pressed woodchuck with wild rice.

When I was young, we tried cooking one. I guess that we didn't have the right recipe. No matter how much we cooked the thing, the water was muddy from VA clay.

All the plumbing fixtures are out of wack.

We used to have a water-saver toilet (circa 1979): much swirling and little swallowing. I can't tell you how many moments of embarrassment we had to suffer through when guests stayed over. When Dad died, we took advantage of inheritance and brought here a 3.5-gallon tank (circa 1956), to which we refer as "the family heirloom." It's a hideous pink and doesn't go with our bathroom decor, but I don't have to keep the plunger in the bathroom any more.

The new water-savers work better, I think. If the family heirloom ever cracks, we'll get a new and expensive water-saver.

nanc said...

warren - what if my tires were made in israel?

Freedomnow said...

Nanc,

Can you have your rabbi come over and bless my tires? I want to go "hunting" this weekend...

nanc said...

trust me, fern - if you can hit something that is cookable - your tires are already blessed! right warren?

Warren said...

Any tires that manage to stay on my car are blessed!

Last time I nailed something, 165# doe, I had to go looking for my headlight bucket in the dark. I don't have the car anymore but parts for a 1965 chevy II/Nova are hard to find!

Local guy got killed Saturday night. Hit a deer with his motorcycle.

nanc said...

we've hit two deer with my little escort wagon - but apparently not hard enough as they were buttholes and elbows into the woods never to be seen again. minor damages to the car - had to buy a headlight "bucket" - didn't know that's what they call them.

people on motorcycles don't usually know what hit them. we know someone who's hit two deer on his motorcycle almost in the same spot up near branson and has ended up both times in intensive care for extended periods of time - i'm thinking he needs to get rid of the scooter.

MissingLink said...

Beak,
Two questions if I may?
1. What does one do with Yardley English Rose Soap?
2. What does Shera normally feed on when there aren't any fingers available?

Sorry for asking but I am from down under and so certain cultural differences need to be explained to me slowly and patiently.

Mad Zionist said...

So, what the hell is so bad about salted butter? It happens to be my favorite. Unsalted is flavorless and disgusting.

nanc said...

there is nothing wrong with salted butter! you can even buy it that way - beak's just being contrary!

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