Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The Joy of Beakerkin

Sunbeam is ever a marvel and understands all the wonders of being a woman. Each time we spend together is better than the last. I feel like I am in my twenties and am amazed by the intense feelings she inspires. I thought such feelings were products of youthful naivete. However she can read me without me saying a word. I hold her and look into her eyes and we have conversations without a word being said. My eyes are bluish green and they change colors according to my mood.

At work it is always a mix of agony an ecstasy. Some of the children are real good kids. Yet every now and then one sees the dregs of humanity. It is no crime to be poor and this is not about class.There is more dignity in a family with three kids struggling to get by sometimes than with a rich spoiled family. The shared struggle and children being involved with supporting the family and going to Church together is a wonder. Criminality, always eats away at the joy as do fake marriages.

Love and family are special things and I understand not everyone is like Sunbeam and myself. Yet, there are times when one shakes your head at the folly of love. One sees opposites, childhood sweethearts, family friends a surprising amount of coworkers and even internet love sagas. Sometimes one has no idea what has clicked, but it has. Sometimes one sees couples that obviously won't make it, but there is almost a Don Quiote factor in love with a lost cause.

For me it is very simple, I want to spend the rest of my life making Sunbeam happy. I love her with all my heart and she is truly my soul mate. I can not buy her the mansion or the month of world travel. Yet I also know the things she treasures are the subtle things like the way I hold her, placing a blanket over her when she falls asleep studying, a heartfelt love poem, a walk in the rain and passion from the depths of my soul.

Sunbeam is who I always wanted to be with even from the earliest days. She has a very loving intense quality that comes from her soul. She was always very beautiful and has only grown more so with age. Yet mere beauty would never captivate my heart and inspire me so. Even the most beautiful with no connection would eventually bore me. I was always frightened that I was not religious enough, how her family would view me as a suitor as opposed to friend and that I would never earn enough to make her happy. I was wrong about all of those fears. All she ever wanted was an honest heartfelt love with a person who would treat her decently. I can't ever get those baubles, but like me she treasures that from the heart and soul.

I am blessed.

1 comment:

Z said...

No comments because what can we SAY? it's just so good to hear you so happy.

Blessings to you both, beak!