Sunbeam is going to her parents with her daughter to Baltimore with her daughters for the remainder of the Jewish holidays. I will not get to speak with her for a few days and will miss her.
Her company and her love are blessings to me. Yet, her time with her children and parent s are valuable and they deserve happiness. Sadly in situations like hers everyone loses in a divorce as time is always split and conflict is inevitable.
Sunbeam is the joy of my life and I treasure every moment with her. It breaks my heart that simple gestures of love like tossing a blanket over her as she sleeps are alien to her. No person is more deserving of a deep love than she. It breaks my heart because I ever told her of my love earlier because I wasn't religious enough. All I can offer is honest love, devotion and respect. Even when I disagree with her it is always with respect.
In general I am a libertarian on social matters, other than drug use and pedophilia. I also walk in the wider world and am just not theologically inclined. I do go to services with her as part of the bonding process as it is the way she bonds. For me this is not a chore. It merely represents an opportunity to share an experience with a person I love. Some of us battle with identity issues and I preferred to think of my identity as the man up the block.
As an adult I think of life and my role quite differently. I define myself by my relationships and the best title a man can have is beloved husband. I value our shared experiences and even the mundane stuff like studying her grad courses with her is a joy as it is a bonding experience.
Fortunately, I have been able to help out in limited ways like reading an article or chapter and discussing it with her. I will be glad that her classes will end for the summer so we can have more date time.