On Saturday I attended the funeral of an old friend. I sat with politicians, writers and her upscale friends. Part of me wanted to be sad that she died so young. Yet, I could never be sad remembering a person who brought such joy to my life. I consider myself so blessed to have met
her and called her my friend.
Our friendship wasn't logical. I was someone who loathed going out and was from a religious community. She was a bon vivant and had to be anywhere. When we first went out she literally grabbed me by the tie. I felt I didn't belong in her world and in truth my feelings were correct. I was an awkward teen who became very good looking over night. All of the sudden I was part of an elite crowd getting into everything, just I didn't want to be there.
She hated my first serious girlfriend. She called her stuff I can not repeat. When I had to end that relationship she refused to leave my side. "Depressed over what...." She took me here and there and set me up with several of her friends. She gave me the confidence that allows me to date successfully in college. She gave me the confidence that allowed me to be a successful manager and then officer.
I want to be sad that she is gone. Yet I consider myself blessed for having met her and spending time with her. She was special and a good person. Most people considered her shallow and superficial, but she had a heart of gold and was very wise. She also was full of energy and upbeat and my memories are all special.
I am sure going to miss her, but her memory makes me smile.
On Sunday I went with a Guyanese Hindu group to Atlantic City. I am very comfortable with that group and oddly Cubans, Koreans and a few others. When I am with them I sing their songs
and even dance a bit. These are things I would seldom do with my own community. I made a very nice donation and the locals laugh as I speak in their patios naturally.
Atlantic City is an interesting place. I do not gamble I lost all of 12 dollars. I preffer to shop, see a show and eat at some of the older tourist places. I was surprised at how many topless places there are on the back streets. I wouldn't go into those places as I was in mixed company and a man with a wife or a serious girlfriend needs to respect that relationship.
I also learned something about myself. When I am just a man named Beakerkin and not part of a large family or in my community I suffer zero social phobia. It is harder for me in my own community as a member of a locally prominent family. There is just so much pressure and I never cared for it.
Who knows what the future holds? I am enjoying the moment.