In our last episode after umpteenth attemps to get the religious irritants to go home the religious vampires managed to screw up a fool proof plan.
Yesterday as I pondered how a simple task of buying one teen a plane ticket could get messed up for weeks I decided what was needed was John Madden. Madden takes out the chalkboard and diagrams how complicated football plays develop for mass audiences.
I delivered the folowing half time speech
You folks are losers. Entire wars have been fought and won in less time than it takes you idiots to buy a single plane ticket. Well we are going to the blackboard to get to the basics.
First we take out the credit card. Then we head to the travel agent and book the next available flight. We pack our bags. Load the car. We leave home four hours before the flight. You check in and do not say anything stupid to the armed folks at El Al. On second thought having your mother annoy armed guards would solve many problems, but my luck is lousy. Board the plane. Go to Israel marry a local and emigrate, but forget my phone number. Stay in Israel.
Tonight we are down to one. My nephew is still here. Why one leaves a kid on standby three times further away from JFK is unknown.
Surely there must be some village that needs official idiots.