Tommorow is my last day at the VT office. I will be leaving many friends that have enriched my life. My desk was packed up and I did my final cases. I will be giving around ten away.
My time in VT is bittersweet in that it allowed me the foundation of experience to further my career in NYC. The process for permanent hire in the Federal government leaves much to be desired. It was not easy to get into the system. The most frustrating part is the selection process varies on criteria and I just missed three times in VT. Oddly, I had job offers in other cities but NYC is home. Part of me is upset because I earned the right to choose. However, due to some arbitratry whims I was excluded from consideration yet again.
However, unlike most I learned an important lesson. When the door closes on you look for another door. Look after your own interests and never believe a word until it is in writting. Ultimately, the person who controls our destiny is the familiar one in the mirror. I feel for my friends who did not get selected. All of them are dedicated professionals worthy of hire.
In a way I am lucky because NYC has a large office and is not a popular destination. It has far more openings than anyother office. However, one still has to pass the writting test to be eligible. The real annoying part is the policy that restricts us to one office on the national hire list. Ultimately I would have been willing to go to NJ but they had one third of the openings that NYC. A friend of mine who lives in a smaller community had to compette for one opening.
My lot is bad but many of my friends have been passed over thee times. My journey has ended and Thursday I return home to NYC. Maybe some of the boys at Urban Elephants will bring me up to date on events in NYC. I no longer know the local issues and the NYC buzz.
My journey started on 9-11 not far from where I will be hanging my hat. I will be a ten minute walk from Ground Zero.
Funny but I always tought religious folk were more or less immune from the demons that plauged me. However, I was somewhat surprised to hear religious coworkers who understood my experience after 9-11. After 9-11 I took inventory of my life and decided being a fashion executive was not enough. My life was rewarding on a daily level, leading a crew into action against impossible deadlines is great fun. Yet my existence was a mere number on a ledger sheet in some accounting office . I began to wonder what my life amounted to and despite many intersting moments I was still nothing more than a number on a series of ledger pads. I didn't change lives or do anything that had long term consequences. I joined my curent employer where I change lives each and every day and serve the country I love.
I was somewhat surprised to find that deeply religious people wrestle with the issues of purpose
similar to my own moments. However, those moments where we reflect on our lives and purpose may just be a human experience all of us go through.
This is a rare reflective post and maybe I will be in better form tommorow or when I get to NYC. Ultimately, I leave theology and philosophy to those more suited to the task at hand.
Beamish in 08