Monday, October 21, 2013

I can't believe this crap

It is 2AM on a school night and my brothers family is still here. They never go home because this lunatic procrastinates and just bugs the shit out of everyone. They claim the kid has Epstein Barr because she falls asleep all the time in school. The real issue is having an idiot for a parent.

She had the whole day to start laundry but started six loads at 6:00. I tried to go to sleep and she started jabbering away on the phone next door two flights up. Normally, I would sleep next to the washing machine to avoid this moron.

I am annoyed by my family who just doesn't get it. The car isn't worth much money and I seldom drive it. However, this is my choice and is not their business. However, I have to give my brother my car because he is forever broke because his wife won't work. Why should I be out my car because you won't work.

Her thinking as well as that of my family is why this condition is not treated. A normal person says okay sorry but I am doing this. They do not turn around and attack the person they just extorted a handout from. The reason my nephew was stuck here last summer was he had a summer job but his mother procrastinated and yammered until nothing was available. I was stuck with them for 13 weeks.

I was going to buy another car, but my brother said we will do this all over again. Of course he is right and this is annoying. The reason the car is still around is because I maintained it. I am annoyed that whatever down on their luck relative borrowed my car.

This idiot has her own family, but she never seems to be by other relatives. The reason is obvious that she is so annoying that they can't stand her.

I have few hopes that she will do well in vocational therapy or any other sort of therapy. She is never wrong
and everyone else has the issues. Funny, but whatever issues I have one can count on me to wake up at 4:00
get prepared walk a mile and make a 5:02 bus. I do it rain or shine. On the job one can count on a solid days production each and every time. No matter how bad things are I make my deadlines. No matter what happens one can count on me getting it done each and every day.

I get the bus and the driver looks at me and says house guests. I look and ask how did you know. He says you are usually bright and cheery and joke in the morning but... Then I get to work and my clerk notices and says " They're back". I respond how did you know. He tells me " Normally you have cheery music on but you are paying the blues". My coworkers notice that I am not joking and sometimes my hands shake. I go to my second home and just by my order the waiter knows. I never eat pork unless my brother is here with his messed up wife.

I honestly considered going to Iraq to get away from these visits. My parents just don't get why I am so annoyed and she will be going home soon. She never does leave and finds an excuse to return again and again.

My brother is a nice guy with a soft heart. It is not in his nature to just say enough shape up. He has endured this for twenty plus years. He works three jobs because she can't work one and the Yeshiva bills don't wait.
Long ago I would have ended the relationship. I have done so many times in my time for far less then this.

The religion was a cover for mental illness. Much of frummie culture does cover or provide excuses for this type of loser behavior. Being frum limits job choices. It is not a matter of taking two holidays but one must leave early for the Sabbath for half of the year. Add in scores of holidays and employers will not put up with this. Even in NYC where this kind is common, this type works in relatively a few places. In the IRS there are a plenty of frum types. In my agency with hundreds of jobs we have a few Jewish officers and no clerks. We had a disabled clerk with severe behavioral issues who was fired. If the reports were true this was a rare case of termination for cause.

If the behaviors were done by an under privileged type professionals would recognize it immediately. The 24/7 cell phone internet bit and the always being late. The inability to follow directions or prioritize things at work. The inability to get along with any supervisor at any job. These are classic pathologies familiar to people who work with addicted types. Of course because the patient is frum we keep giving the benefit of the doubt and holding our tongues.

Now my brother and I have had a huge fight caused by his wife's behavior. She knows this and doesn't understand why I asked to terminate our relationship. I told her that her behavior is driving me up a wall and I can't take it anymore. My brother has to put up with it, but I won't. I openly admit I despise her. I guess in some ways I behave like the clod from Doc Martin.Normally, people respond I don't really hate you to this line. In my case I have stopped lying to myself and others.

Rather then grasp her problems she attacks me. I have had a few failed relationships, but that isn't the issue.
The issue is why are you here every second and get a job. She yammers on and goes on the attack how my family puts up with me. Funny, I earn a living and talk to very few of them. I had a rough patch twelve years back. However, I took whatever jobs I could find and endured abuse that was frightening. However, I was at my current job nearly ten years. I had jobs in the fashion industry for five years three times and one of the departures was due to bankruptcy. My former rough stretch is not the issue as I did have ample history of being with multiple employers for more than five years.

The term for this is passive aggressive. She manipulates through procrastination, makes herself into the victim and points the finger everywhere else.  On the job her issues with punctuality, decisiveness and toxic victimology make her an employee you don't want and we have seen the results.

In my days as an executive this is what you want

1) Reliable punctual people
2) Follow directions
3) Team players

In essence as this person is neither punctual nor reliable even a job that would tailor itself to all the religious quirks would not put up with her for long. I seriously doubt she can follow the simplest of direction due to procrastination issues and indecisveness.

For twenty years I held my tongue. My parents and other relatives have not made things better by making excuses. She can't work she is disabled. She knows she has problems. The issue is now her problems are my problems and I am out a car. The reality is I can't buy another because in a few months we will be doing this all over again.


Rita said...

It must be a cultural difference, but I don't understand why and how you continue to let them stay with you and use your car on a regular basis.

Two of my husband's sisters have claimed they can't work for years. But they don't mooch of us, only his parents whi live virtually month to month on social security.

I just shake my head, his youngest sister is now in her late 40's and never held a full time job for any length of time. She mostly blames migraines and I stifle a laugh because I used to have severe migraines four days out of seven and I managed to have a decent career all through it.

She's now back living with her parents and is expecting the rest of the family to pay her to stay their since they are in their 90's. In one is volunteering for that since they do not need full time care and she's getting a free room and board.

So Beak, when you say you want them out, why don't they leave? I couldn't handle my sisters in law living with me any length of time.

Always On Watch said...

Passive-aggressive behavior is also on the list of sociopath symptoms.

Just sayin'.