Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Spent the day with my daughter

I spent the day with my daughter. She wanted to remain close to home so we visited area stores. I have been thinking about how much fun being a father is. It is odd that I just naturally fell into the role. She is a good kid
who really is full of surprises. Yesterday, I took her to the Greek Diner and the Italian place for lunch. She never had a grilled cheese sandwich so I gave her half of mine.

Today is the Hindu holiday of Diwali. Having Hindu family is far easier then dealing with modern Orthodox Judaism. In general I am not religious in temperament and chafe when it is imposed upon me. This was an issue with a former relationship. I am seriously grateful that I was spared having to be pulled back into the community. The sad part was that my respect was not enough. Unfortunately, I can not fake something I do not feel in my heart. Over time the anger at having to make a show for others would have gone primal. I am happy this person found someone more amenable as she is not suited to single life.

At this point in my life I have made peace with that aspect. I remain Jewish and have elected a self imposed exile. I will go to funerals and participate in rituals according to my status as a family member. For reasons that are evident I chafe at the restrictions on my freedom. I never appreciated religion being forced upon me and wanted to stop living a lie. After college I just became the flavor next door, something I always wanted.

This does not infer an anger at the community. I just want the freedom to walk my own path away. I want to
spend my remaining  years as an officer, father, spouse and good neighbor. The Hindu community has accepted that I respect the traditions that are not mine. They are wise enough to refrain from forcing my hand
or conversion. I am clear I respect heart felt faith, but rituals are not for me as I am just a good neighbor.

I want to point out that I am not an aethiest. I accept there is a power above me and spend the rest of my day leading a normal life. Religion is not something central to my life and I refuse to place on a show for others. I have grown to love being free and will not accept being forced into rituals or community involvement.

When I forgot the papers at the time it was to shut another door. I didn't want matchmakers and relatives pushing me back into the community. Unfortunately, times have changed and people still inquire and having a relationship with the Tranquil Sea is often not a deterrent to aggressive types. Oddly, most of these people ended up there by their own hands. Most thought single life after a divorce was easy. Little did they grasp the game is different after 40. Options are limited and finding a husband is a real chore. They find they are stuck with a model ten years older, loaded with baggage and the easy pickings were just marital therapist lies.  Of course none of these types is ever candid enough to blame themselves or their therapist for their situation.

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