Thursday, November 22, 2012

Count on Frummies to mess up everything

When we last left the planets most inconsiderate religious zombies messed up another holiday. My parents are home this year and I arranged for my daughter to spend it with the in laws. I made arrangements for a caterer so I would not have to do industrial cooking. Last second the religious mendicants decide to come here.

I have to cancel the caterer because if the food is not perfectly Kosher the usual hell breaks out. The caterer made a Kosher turkey and sent it over. My folks and I ate it for lunch while I went into the kitchen to create something from my memory

I did not find my usual ingredients. I like to cook a turkey over a bed of barley, mushrooms, cut Texas white onions and Maine potatoes. I stuff the inside with citrus fruit and paint the turkey with Honey from Poland add crushed garlic, cajuin powder and an Italian seasoning and a mesquite based bbq sauce. I only had limited supplies and had to improvise. I had a bed of Texas White Onions, Sweet Potatoes, some small non Maine potatoes ( less than Maine is an insult). I brushed the Turkey with Vermont Maple syrup ( the stuff is powerful and needs to be lightly applied) used plenty of garlic powder and pepper. I stuffed the center with local pears peeled and added lime juice. Came out pretty good but I had to eat the catered food before the jerks arrived. 

They arrived at 7:30 at night late as usual and ruined an excellent meal. The excuses never change and I am done listening to them. All the effort wasted because these clowns have zero consideration for anyone else.
Of course he arrives late has a bad attitude and is in brain impaired form.

The latest complaint is I eat at the Greek Diner when these relatives are home. The Greek Diner in many ways is my sanctuary from these inconsiderate jerks. Fortunately, I have work and have never been so glad to go in even if there was another Sandy and 9-11 combined I would find my way in. I can not stand spending any time with these clowns who show no consideration for anyone. I never hated this crew until the summer when they dropped in for twelve agonizing weeks. There was excuse after excuse to prolong the agony. 

On Saturday I will spend the day with my daughter. I will be spared more time with these jerks. They only excel in excuses and more ways to annoy people. If you wish to be religious don't inflict this on other people.
If you make demands on other people due to your quirks try to be brief. 

On a personal level lateness and excuses drive me batty. Two decades of lateness and these impositions are enough. As stated I might have been annoyed but this summer was too much. I am stuck with this relative at family gatherings and the mix of self centered lateness, sixth grade level corny jokes and religious dogmatism is under my skin. He feigns that he is soooo concerned but it isn't even a good act.

This relative is not a particularly nice person. I keep wondering why his wife keeps trying to talk to me when I make it clear that this is finished. In her mind this will pass, but she doesn't grasp how this anger has built up over years. She asked "How come we haven't met your daughter". My response is "I love the kid and you guys are my problem not hers". A normal person would grasp that it should be left alone but not these clowns.  

The Greek place is a place that I can be free of these demands. I can enjoy a bowl of soup and have wacky sandwiches and tell jokes. The TV is set to ESPN sports so I can enjoy the sports with the guys. They always have a nice bowl of jello and green tea. In a way the Greek Diner is timeless and I merely age across a sea of faces. 

What are you telling a person when you are always late? What are you telling a person when you alter their plans at the last second? What are you telling someone when you force your religious practices on others? Quite simply you are walking around like everyone else is your servant and you have a divine sense of entitlement. In small doses I am generally fine. After this summer I am not. I tried to warn this relative that the damage is likely permanent but he did not yield. I even offered to pay the private school costs closer to home but again he did not yield.

It would go a long way if he would apologize for this summer and not talk to me for a while. Unfortunately, this is not in his makeup and he just lives in a clueless fog of religious texts and delusions of relevance. As we speak he is off on another tantrum. This one because I walked away and will not fight with him and eat at the diner when he is home. Run and hide he yelled at me. In reality it is walk away disgusted to a happier place.

There is a reader who rants about gays. A gay relative would not create this much mayhem even if they were the stereotypical drama Queen. I could eat as I wished and live my life free from rules that mean little to me. I might get a few fashion lectures and told what wine goes with what at worst. I am tired of the impositions, the 
perpetual lateness, changing plans last second and running around like he is a victim. 


Ducky's here said...

How do they support themselves?

Trust fund? Welfare?

Why don't you tell them to screw off the next time they invite themselves over? Or serve a nice honey glazed ham.
Make a nice oyster stuffing for the turkey.

beakerkin said...

Actually, the outrageous costs of Yeshiva tuition probably has limited the number of Jews better then Arabs.

The relative has makes a living but struggles due to three reasons

1) His lazy wife with a CPA license
has remained unemployed for 20 years.

2) Yeshiva tuition and temple membership are expensive

3) Kosher products are much more expensive.

Funny you should mention Ham. As I learned to cook in Kosher resort hotels I never bothered to cook that item. As my Hindu relatives don't eat Beef or Pork I am not apt to gain experience.

Part of me wants to give it a try.
Pork Ribs were served are similar
to lamb and wouldn't be a challenge

Always On Watch said...

I go along with Duck on this one!

Always On Watch said...

Whatever happened to "Beggars can't be choosers," anyway?

beakerkin said...

They will be home in two days. Darned
duck has me wondering about cooking a ham.

Alligator said...

Beak, if you're gonna try pork, I suggest you go for BBQ ribs. Maybe try burnt ends. It is a wholly American experience with roots in ante-bellum black culture. NYC might have some fairly decent rib places. (But probably nothing like the rib joints in Kansas City or Memphis.)

beakerkin said...

No I have made those myself. I did go for pork ribs in Kansas City. The locals pointed me to a place called the Filling Station that was excellent. NYC has a place called Tennessee Mountain that is very good.I made those when I lived with the socialite it was similar to cooking rack of lamb.

I have never made a ham but am going to see if I can recall the recipe I used for a Turkey Breast
Cocacola pineapple marinade with a splash of Tabasco.