Long term readers of this blog know I am a fan of classic Marvel comics. There used to be a series with alternate timelines called What If. The series was pesented by a charachter called the watcher.
This timeline will have a debate moderated by Larry King with John Madden on the telestrator.
King: I would like to thank the students from this fine institution for inviting a largely irrelevant codger like me to moderate this vital debate between Mr Beamish and Ahmadinejad. Seated to my left is President Ahmadinejad.
Ahmadinejad: You stooooopid Jooooish media fooooool I am standing.
King: My mistake but Napoleon and Stalin weren't Giants either.
Now introducing Presidential candidate Mr Beamish with his personal assistant the incoherent Beakerambo.
Madden: Mr Beamish is entering the room WWE style to Sweet home Alabama. This is a hostile crowd and they seen to be throwing papers at Beakerambo and Mr Beamish. Beakerambo is holding an oversize American flag.
Beakerambo: Me Meeeeep Miiiii Ticker Tape Parade Meeep Mi.
Madden: Listen to the crowd booo.
Summerall: It is hard to believe this place is part of the United States.
Madden: So that is why I haven't seen Juan Valdez or any of Bret Farve's errant throws.
Summerall: No we are not in Columbia the country we are in the University.
Madden: Who has that ugly Mule over there
Summerall: John that's no ugly Mule it is a Professor of Woman's studies.
Madden: She looks like she has been playing against Lyle Alzado what a mug.
King: So President Ahmadinejad what are your views on the Holocaust.
Ahmadinejad: I did not deny the Holocaust I said the Jews have created a myth of the Holocaust that they revere above their God. We do not see any evidence of ........ Hey you zionist gas mask wearing thug you just hit me.
Mr Beamish: I deny I hit you.
Ahmadinejad; What are you talking about you just punched me in the face in front of hundreds on TV in front of thousands.
Mr Beamish: Kind of like the Holocaust was seen by millions of participants, survivors and bystanders. There are thousands of photos and artifacts.
Ahmadinejad: Hey you Joooooish gangster you just hit me again.
Mr Beamish: I deny that I hit you. Who are you going to believe your own eyes, the pictures ....
Madden: This is obviously some sort of trick play.
Summerall: The crowd seems to be laughing and has started to chant Beamish in 08. It would appear that Mr Beamish has made his point with some pointed irony.
Madden: Isn't midget abuse a 15 yard penalty.... I think I can make out a smirk under the gasmask.
King: President Ahmadinejad. You have provided weapons to Hezbolah and to terrorists in Iraq.
Ahmadinejad: These are zionist media lies. The Zionist colonial state will be wiped off the map soon.
King: Your response Mr Beamish.
Mr Beamish: Beakerambo will you hand me my laser pointer.
Beakerambo: Meeeee Miii Meeep Manual Labor miii oooooops
Ahmadinejad: Hey get that red dot off my car you Zionist thug.
Beakerambo: Meeee Mee Meep Bombs Away Mee Meep
Ahmadinejad: Your steriod abusing retarded slave just blew up my new limo ......... %&%&&^ Jooooish %^*^*^( Zionist %&^*^
Madden: There goes the ref with a yellow flag. Lets get the call
Ref: Insulting speech inpaired learning disabled Ahmadinejad has been thrown off campus.
Madden: It would seem Mr Beamish has won this debate by out thinking his opponent.
Summerall: Listen to the crowd chanting Beamish in 08.
Madden: Isn't this the University whose football team went four years without winning a game.
Summerall: Now you have done it John the audience is throwing paper at us. Back to Terry and JB in the studio.