Monday, January 19, 2009

Still the Same

Those of you reading this over the last two months are probably wondering what happened to Beakerkin. I am still the same man with the same opinions and humor, just there is a lot less of me these days.

I have known Sunbeam for well over thirty years. She was always a very special person who I have had very deep feelings of love for. Growing up one could always tell she was loving and giving. When I heard her name again it took me seconds to contact her. At first I did not want to meet her because I do not look like I did when she last remembered me.

In college I was a very good looking man who did not lack for attention. In many ways
this hurt me as a person because too many opportunities were available. I fell in love with the wrong person and drifted through a series of bad relationships.

Unlike me Sunbeam has only become more beautiful with age. She has a vibrancy that I never expected and is even better than my dreams. She is really much smarter than I am and has a better temperament. An immigration officer and a social worker seem like
an odd match. However, I have always followed my heart to the extent allowed by the law. Sunbeam is not adverse to locking up those who deserve it. My greatest pleasure
as an officer is fixing what had been previously wrong. Sunbeam has chosen gerontology as her field and serves those who need an ear in their last days. I am blessed by her presence and her love will extend my days and enrich my nights.

My coworkers had a hard time accepting the new me. They were used to the cynical type who was aloof. One idiot even suggested that I was never married and pestered me for a picture of my ex wife. I did show a picture without figuring my coworkers could deduce who the other person was. The picture created quite a stir and the cleanin woman placed it with the other black and white movie photos. I dated but without a purpose and many times I just never even bothered when opportunity knocked.

My whole outlook has changed. People ask me where I would go on vacation. If I was alone a drive in a wild section would do. However, now that I have Sunbeam I want to
go everywhere and anywhere so long as she is with me. Her smile brightens my day and makes everything special.

Even a simple trip to the grocery store with her is an amazing experience. In my previous incarnations I had to cook and shop. I actually cook quite well and use different ingredients. I can not use some of the dishes because Sunbeam is kosher. However, this is not an impediment as it was my natural state as well. I adapted to
the demands of previous relationships, but can just as easily revert to my natural state. This may sound odd but I really do not miss much of the non kosher stuff. Perhaps the only thing I will genuinely miss is swordfish. As stated earlier left to my own devices any pot dish made in a loving home is better than the best restaurant
fare. I made them in a previous relationship and they were appreciated, but never tasted right to me. I was not my grandmother, mother, sister and no woman in a relationship ever made me a pot dish. I was always more skilled or perhaps nobody cared enough to make me one.

I am still interested in politics and am the same person with the same passions. I still loathe communists, support Israel, love America and am more or less a social
liberal. I do not see anything wrong with helping a married couple who has a kid or two with an occasional helping hand. There is a difference between a married couple in a committed relationship with children and a never been married woman with children from different fathers.

I still support the right of gay people to live with dignity. I also do not support changing the definition of religious terms to suit the tastes of manifesto carrying black robed freaks. Religion is important as long as it respects life and builds communities. Even Rav Roovs congregation seems to cater to the lost among us. I feel very at home there and can not explain why. The notion of a God ordering me to kill
unbelievers to create utopia is an abomination. In reality a Junglemom or a Papa Frank help the poor as a religious calling and that is the way it should be. These
true religious types manage to serve their communities without gulags, power mad scams or insane liberation theories.

Sunbeam has not changed me as much as she has enriched my life. The other day she gave me a beautiful card. Part of it is sad because nobody has ever given me a card like that with such a loving personal message. Then again I never wrote rich love poetry for anyone else either. Sunbeam is my equal in all categories and I can talk about anything except raising children with her.

If one were to observe me at work you would see a person of contrasts. I am very sensitive to victims of crime and domestic violence. I know when to let the gentler side of my persona take hold. When it is a genuine relationship I work hard to make it a pleasant experience. Yet when it is not I can also fight tooth and nail for a withdraw. I let the evidence speak to me and sometimes the book is just wrong. My boss once told me I do not care what the book says that couple is married for over thirty years. Over time he was proven correct and I learned that a gut feeling sometimes is more insightful than the book.

The magic of a true love is that the changes are subtle and the best qualities are enriched. Sunbeam has changed my life for the better and I am content to do my best to fill the remainder of our days with love and warmth.

I am a very lucky man who is blessed on many levels. I have a great job, a good family, wonderful friends, I reside in an ideal spot and I have the rarest of all gift the true love of a soul mate. My life has never been better.

9 comments:

Steve Harkonnen said...

You know, it may be sappy to some, but to me it's more of an interesting read coming to your blog.

Stop by mine sometime, meh.

Brooke said...

You sound so happy, Beak, and I'm glad for you and Sunbeam!

Ducky's here said...

Beak, are you packing on the job?

That's kind of frightening if so.

FJ said...

Oh, cut his some slack, ducky. You're just jealous, as am I. All the best, beakerkin! Enjoy these precious years.

Z said...

Thirty year new love.....so sweet!

It's wonderful to read this, Beak...everybody should have this.

The_Editrix said...

Beak, my best wishes for your future together! It is very brave of you to speak that openly about your feelings and your life, and it was a fascinating read.

roman said...

What a happy and refreshing development. A new door has opened. Good for you!

The Merry Widow said...

ducky-He's a FEDERAL OFFICER...packing heat can come with the job...
Beaker-I'm happy for you 2, now, when you see her next time, give Sunbeam a hug from me! Of course she will have to give you one from me too...;}

tmw

Pinky said...

Congrats, Beakerkin! I loved reading about your life. You are truly blessed.