Tuesday, April 15, 2014

More Jeff Bezos jokes

Sticking with the theme of silly publicity stories

6) Bezos asks the Psychiatric association to name a mental health disorder after him. Biden has a planet named after him but Bezos wants a mental health malady...
7) Bezos creates Amazon extraterrestrial. His real interest in space is a cheap ploy to get new Amazon customers.
8) Bezos creates Amazon family. Unhappy with your family no problem. You can use Amazon to recast the roles of your annoying relatives. Say goodbye to loud and boorish cousin Milton. You can recast these relations using Amazon family. Replace loud cousin Milton with Thomas who does not speak a language you can understand.
9) Bezos considers creating a new application for those of us with difficult life choices. Ever wonder what type of wine goes with possum hit by a Volvo ask Amazon life coach. Ever wonder how to get your husband to put down the toilet seat or ask for directions ask the Amazon life coach app.
10) Bezos creates an Amazon Prime Afterlife Option. Imagine long after you are gone an app to reproduce your spending patters into eternity or however long it takes your actual family to consider you are deceased.

Now this is all in good clean fun. I ask that anyone who wishes to create their own Bezos jokes keep them in good taste. We will not publish jokes making fun of a person based on his physical appearance or ethnicity.
The sad part is the real Bezos might actually get some ideas from these jokes and get motivated to find ways to generate new revenue.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cumwad, imbecile, moron, dickwad, f%$#stick, sh$#head, drongo,dolt,simpleton, not even a halfwit, demented dork, creten, etc..

Duckys here said...

The market has spoken and it has blessed Amazon.

Since when did you oppose he judgement of the market?
Are you a commie, Beak?

beakerkin said...

While the market has spoken, I am no fan of unhealthy competition. We need healthy markets.

I am familiar with logistics. If the stories about the distribution facility in PA are true Bezos needs to be held directly responsible. Allegedly, Amazon added air conditioners to this facility. Heat waves are no joke and worker safety is no laughing
matter.

Work standards should be reasonable and set by a trained professional. The description of the time standards appear designed
to promote employee burnout and
no long term employeees.

I have never been a proponent of abusive work places.

Anonymous said...

So it's not the "free market" anymore it's the "healthy market". Not the invisible hand but the well washed one.

So what's it to be the John?
A brunetto or a bleeding blonde?

The concervative nanny state. NAFTA? Ask Mexicans about healthy markets and healthy competition. The TTP?

Labour markets? They're healthy and fair!

Financial markets? Clean as a whistle. No problems there.

Regulated markets equals "free" markets? "Free" markets regulated in favour of a certain few? Healthy?

Of course they are. Look after those markets like they're living breathing organisms.

The institutional logic of healthy markets begs the question, healthy for whom? I think we all know the answer to that one.

beakerkin said...

Cumwad the impact of Amazon on the publishing and music business has been catastrophic. A market dominated by a single seller hurts the industry and consumer choice.

Anonymous said...

So what Beak. The music "industry" has been rooted since the 80's and A&R men.

Capitalism in cohoots with markets are homogenising. They hate diversity. The argument around free choice is a delusion,

The institutional logic of the system you support, along with whatever legislation or policies you support to ensure "healthy" markets,makes it possible for monopolization. Some just get in first and reap the rewards.

The cycle of crisis of capitalism, its internal contradictions,and tendencies towards monopoly are well documented. And the manipulation of markets towards the conservative nanny state is also obvious.

The question remains Beak. Healthy for whom? Anf then one has to deal with all the bullshit rationalisations that supporters of such a hideous way of constructing an economic system throw out into the airwaves via the media. Everyone,from big to tiny business, complaining about being locked out of the market. Using "freedom of choice" as a crutch as if the actual needs and wants of citizens(rather than "the consumer"), are at the fore front of everybody's concern. Profit is at the forefront and who really do you think the "legislators" are going to listen to. The citizens? The tiny businesses? The untold masses screwed over during the GFC? Or big business?

Amazon, along with other behemoths,are serving the governments interests, especially surveillance, so don't expect a "healthy" market to serve the interests, actual needs and wants, of it's citizens.

The institutional logic of the system says otherwise.

beakerkin said...

Wrong ananahole.

When markets are eroded the response
is to break up behemoths. In this case having one vendor with such large buying clout hurts the industry. Popular music can be sold
at warehouse clubs.

Smaller independent acts are beholden to Amazon. For Example on the East Coast even devotees of Surf Music are unlikely to hear of
Meshuga Beach Party. You can find them on their web site, but as they are not on Amazon they have zero exposure.

As for Amazon serving the government this is BS. Bezos serves himself and is unhealthy for the markets he touches.

Anonymous said...

Stop using music as an example. All the music I listen to is or has been ignored by the 'industry'. It's all fringe music. It's just that since the neo-liberal era has taken such a hold it has become worse. This is not a recent phenomena, it's been going on since the Chicago boys got their hands on the economy. The golden age only lasted 25 or so years before the plutocrats and oligarchs had had enough. Time to get serious and make some serious money at the expense of the rest of us.

Healthy markets indeed!

beakerkin said...

As trends went national it is logical that there would be consolidation. The problem occurs when one distributor has too much influence.

We broke up the phone company and in the future something similar may happen to Amazon.

Of course an apologist for state theft of industry has no moral standing on this issue or any other.

Anonymous said...

An "apologist for state theft of industry."!

Getting funnier by the minute Beak!



beakerkin said...

Socialism is theft. While the State
regulates business it is quite another thing to steal property.
Your kind merely adds flowery verbiage to rationalize theft and then failure.