The Atomic Bomb in Life

The media is full of nasty stories about men who go haywire. There is a whole channel devoted to movies about men abusing women stories. There is article after article about how women suffer after a divorce.

I went through my divorce about 20 years ago. I remember sitting in my attorneys office and reading the most absurd charges that were based on garbage. I looked at the lawyer who had a stack of files on his desk kid point to a file.  I did "accused of molesting his kids".  I pointed to the next one "accused of beating his wife". It went on and on .

I trully empathize with actual victims of abuse and harassment. However, there is a disturbing unspoken reality that is not discussed. The reality is that there are people who use and abuse this process for its own end and they are almost always female. This does not infer that all people who make absurd allegations are females or that all these claims are hot air.

There was an episode in a recent job where the same people competiting for jobs was intense. A few employees made up false sexual harassment complaints and I was targeted by this crew. Supposedly my crime was stating I think female sports is a bore. I don't watch womens basketball and gymnastics and Ice Skatting regardless of gender are a bore. I found myself up on sexual harassment charges for creating a hostile work attmosphere. Officially, we are not allowed to know who are accuser is but this was weak and underhanded.  I changed my routine and stopped talking to all my coworkers except for my boss and changed my route to avoid the accuser.  I shifted my work hours including ten hours every Saturday so I would not be near this person at all. I found long winded feminist tracts tapped to my desk and a stack of pennies glued together tapped to my desk.  The person who never worked Saturdays decided to suddenly work Saturdays. As soon as she arrived, I got up and left the building.

I was then accused of a different crime avoidance. Apparently, the rules state that this is not allowed as well. Moving my work space was not allowed as this would set off a range of people making similar requests.

A female coworker who was a close friend saw me eating alone and told me Beaky you are not yourself.
I told her what I was accused of and she said that is ridiculous. You help anyone who asks and I have never heard you say a bad word about anyone except the crazy senior citizens who hog all the shrimp in the buffet. She made a point of insisting I sit with close friends from work and they were supportive.

The real tragedy is that I have seen careers ruined by false allegations and several people rewarded for these false complaints. As a person who has dealt with this on the recieving end these people disgust me
as abuse claims are a serious matter that should be dealt with seriously. The accuser and accused should be held to standards and evidence and testimony should be evaluated.

A friend came to me just shaken and I knew.

Here is what you can do

1) Tell your friend emphatically you believe in them. In my case it is something from my heart.
2) If it is bad take a day off and go with this person away from the office. Parks, Museums and drives in the country work wonders
3) Be there for your friend
4) Explain that sometimes in these situations professional help may be needed.

The best thing you can do is explain that some people do lack ethics and personal integrity. They will make false allegations for personal advantage and attention.