chasing a phantom

Over the last few days I have been driven at work on a project. I haven't been myself and it certainly is not pressure from my boss who told me to take off. I am fairly modest and I was highly accomplished and productive before I arrived in NYC. Oddly on the second day of training I was already faster than my mentor who was pissed and compared me to a chimp. I was given a new mentor and the speed was evident in week two where I was in the top 20% . This is not surprising knowing my vocation was logistics and my entire career was based on making swift decisions. There were some bad times in Vermont but they mostly involved a small group who tried to cover for themselves.

When I got to NYC, it was a very cruel and terrible place. I experienced work place bullying and it went on for years. A single manager for reasons unknown loathed me and subjected me to absurd levels of scrutiny and ridicule. This was not unusual and up until the most current changes it was tolerated and condoned at top levels. Over time the abuser self destructed  and her henchmen were sent away or muted. I earned a street credibility as a thorough tough pro who earned his stripes.

Fast forward in time management shakes up the joint and I am stuck with the henchmen. The most annoying part is bragging about skills they never had. I remind people those who brag the most know the least.

I retain much of my persona from previous jobs. Snitches are shunned unless the matter involves public safety or taking bribes. I could care less if a peer has a beverage on her desk other than water. Most matters are resolved between coworkers and I am okay with that.

After three years of workplace bullying I am not apt to forgive members of a mob who mistreated me. Making matters worse I have been fixing their errors and had I made any of these errors I would have been suspended or fired. Oddly, I forgave the supervisor who was responsible long ago. The manager ordering it
threatened his job. Ideally, a person would say no, but there are consequences. This boss is guilty of nothing
more than a human weakness that most of us have as humans. I am far less charitable to the peers who were part of a mob. They were not threatened in anyway and a few distanced themselves and were supportive in private.

You hear the stereotype about the lazy government worker. I am at my desk early and late. I usually take lunch and work at the same time. In fact I eat while I work at points throughout the day. My productivity is high and I am self motivated. All of us bring life experiences from elsewhere to our jobs. Apparently, I fused sweatshop, logistics and several other ideas into my job. I chased and broke several records, but it was hallow. There is nothing I have to prove and I earned my stripes long ago. I am over the maximum vacation time and my boss told me to relax and take a day.

There is no phantom for me to chase except those we create for ourselves.