Many blogs die after a few months but this blog is going strong. We are constantly adapting and evolving. Part of being a good blogger is offering fresh material and doing new things. The interviews have been excellent and I am always looking for good guests to interview.
This blog has grown from its early days to a much larger venture. We constantly get new readers and surprises daily. I was joking with Felis that all I get is Commie trolls and a Jihadi plops into my lap.
Now it is time to let the quips fly and reflect on the great adventures we have had along the way.
Let the comedy begin. Will Mr Beamish put his familiar logo in a tux ? Felis's logo is allready in black and white and was dressed for this a month ago.
We're going to serve kool-aid spiked with Visine to all the cult members.
ReplyDeleteIt won't kill them, but they surely will shit themselves.
our madze needs us after the bad elections.
ReplyDeleteIn honor of Beaks' 500th post.
ReplyDeleteAs my friend the Beak has often said, I've been here from the beginning so I've seen the changes in his blog ~~ both of them.
I probably know Beak better than anyone else here except for his nephew DM, So I've decided to give you a closer, more personal, glimpse of Beak, the man.
Although Beak is an unabashed patriot few people know that the first time he heard about the Boston Tea Party ~~ he asked who the caterer was.
Before he took his Job at DHS he was one of those big shot executives who has to have two desks ~~ one for each foot. He had to take a cut in pay but he still takes his salary to the bank ~~ it's too small to go by itself.
Beak, took his screen name in honor of his brother (the Ravs') honker. Out of curiosity , I once asked him how big his brothers nose was. He said, "Let me put it this way. He has two nose specialists ~~ one for each nostril".
I made the first comment on "The Beak Speaks" and the very next comment was made by the notorious (but extremely stupid) 167. It quickly became apparent that Beak was at a loss when it came to replying to such vulgarity and so, refusing to resort to vulgarity, he started calling him common objects; "You lamp! You porcelain coffee cup! You bed sheet!", and so on. It soon became apparent that being attacked by the Beak is like being savaged by a dead sheep. So I decided to join in and liven up the party.
Many of you wonder what the Beak really looks like. Let me put it this way. That Avatar was really cropped out of a family portrait. Actually the Beak has a strange growth on his neck-- his head.
OK, that's not true, he has a nice head on his shoulders ~~ but it would look better on a neck!
Sometimes the trolls complain about his terrible syntax and grammar, (OK, it isn't just plain terrible, its fancy terrible, its terrible with raisins in it!). Mainly, its because he has something on his mind ~~ he wears a hat occasionally.
DM, tells me that Beak isn't very religious but he does like to whoop it up at Purim. He recently fell down the stairs with a full quart of Manischewitz and didn't spill a drop -- he kept his mouth closed.
In spite of it all, success hasn't changed him a bit. He's still the same stinker he always was.
He never hits a man when he's down ~~ he kicks him, he has Van Gogh's ear for music and he still loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
Love Ya brother!
Beakerkin once toured the British Library and saw the Magna Carta on display. Just as the tour guide said that the document was signed in 1215, the Beakster looks at his watch and says "Damn, I missed it by an hour."
ReplyDeleteThanks Amy
ReplyDeleteMr Beamish I thought you were going to put the internet's best avatar in a tuxedo. Gasmask and Tuxedos could start a whole new trend around prom season.
Warren
That was a good tribute . I'll have to check the Milk cartons for Jason.
This is Glenn Camel and I can not stand this evil Beakerkin. I was ready to be hired for the lead role in Jihadi Toy Story.
ReplyDeleteThis role was supposed to cast my career as a Pakistani Country Music singer into world wide prominence. However, that evil Beakerkin has created a vehicle for moving kick @@##$ action figures. Even my own daughter has a talking Ann Coulter doll. It was hard enough with bhurka barbie. Muslim women are to be beaten and not heard.
This program is causing all types of problems. The local store ran out of children's gasmasks weeks ago.
This fame and celebrity were suposed to be mine. Kids should be
singing Karachi Woman you will make
make a great third wife. Of Fatima you are breaking my Heart but so what I have two more wives. Breaking up is so easy just say Talak three times.
oy, i just flew in, now my broom needs a tune-up.
ReplyDeletebeak,
ReplyDeleteyer full of shit. I've had my blog up for a week and nearly have as many posts as you've gotten for what? A year now? Fa-fucking-pathetic.
Get real. And hey, baby, up top, ya know da weaz misses ya, honey.
I agree about change. You need to keep things fresh. A tuxedo though? hmmm...might want to rethink that.
ReplyDeleteWarren,
ReplyDeleteI see that you are really into the spirit of a roast. Excellent job!
I can think of only one barb...Beak's grammar and typos are so bad that even the Grammar Police (Me!) don't bother trying to straighten him out. After all, you can't straighten out a pretzel.
Lame, but that's the best I can do.
Congratulations on your 500th post, Beak!
AOW That is good but remember I make use of MS Word at work. Spell check is a life saver.
ReplyDeleteAC placing the beloved Mr Beamish, Beakerambo and Axeman in a Tux for a roast would be funny. Jason only has a head on his avatar and is out of luck.
Weazel you are loathsome and vile but you do have your uses. How is it that Meathead has become an accademic in about the four months.
He never discuses any of the inner working of an accademic like Pike
or Polisciboy.
AKA is not Jewish and not a woman. No woman goes around insulting infertile women. Jews of her generation do not like Holocaust jokes. Nor should we be surpised that AKA's attempts at Hebrew insults come out as lame translations of English insults.
The Mad Zionist will vouch for this that a real Jew knows what goes with an essrog.
Weazel you aren't my type and even if my proclivities differed from societal norms you still wouldn't make the cut.
dear sneezle:
ReplyDeletesincerely,
nanc
beak - would you tell sneezle that i specifically asked him to not call me "baby" or i would not speak to him again? thank you, now get me that latte!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteBeakerkin, the last time I wore a tuxedo was my high school prom. Bad 80's flashback there.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, back to the roasting.
you can tell when beak's been on the p.c. doing a spellcheck - there's white-out all over his monitor!
ReplyDeletedid anybody hear about that silent car alarm beak invented?
ReplyDeletei wonder who got that snow job beak was fired from?
ReplyDeletebeak - tell us about that time you were accidentally locked in a deli for a weekend and almost starved to death!
ReplyDeletethere were years there where beak thought quarterback was change from a dollar...
ReplyDeletei heard beak's beak is SOOOO big that when he jumps up in the air, he gets stuck!
ReplyDeleteODG - i just realized this could be a prelude to other bloggers being roasted...it's a good thing i'm homeless...
ReplyDeleteBeakerkin is so illiterate he bought a box of Wet-Wipes and was pissed that there was no baby inside.
ReplyDeleteJ/K Beak! Keep bloggin!
Nanc
ReplyDeleteThe Weasel is cofused as he calls me honey. His proclivities are the least of his problem. Hundreds of mental health experts can't be wrong.
We did interview the Duck but the Duck is mostly sane. It would be interesting to interview the criminally insane.
hey, that's donal and correction fluid's department - i just knew a few on there way to the clink.
ReplyDeleteWill Mr Beamish wear fatigues to the inaguration ? Do Gasmasks and Tuxedos go together ?
ReplyDeleteWill The Axeman have to use a steak knife ?
This is a great concept and should have been tried earlier.
Has anyone seen Jason Pappas I heard his picture is on the back of Milk cartons ?
Where is Farmer John with a Quote Beakerkin has more earwax then brains.
beak used to be a fitness expert...well, until his six-pack turned into a keg!
ReplyDeletebeak once did a cameo in a Southpark episode called "Jewbilee"...
ReplyDeleteof course he was too young at the time to be an actual Jew Scout, so he appeared as one of the Squirts with Kyle's little brother Ike. After presenting his macaroni picture to Moses, a bear crashed the scene and carried him off. His only line was "E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!"
He did such a great job, the producers are bringing him back for an episode next season where they'll make paper-plate bean-shakers.
And so, to prepare beak for the roll, let's do a little rehearsal...
beak, now raise your left hand and repeat after me: I pledge to be a Jew Scout.
[beak's response]
My honor, wide and true.
[beak's response]
I am proud to be a Jew Scout.
[beak's response]
Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.
[beak's response]
[Here I'll bring forth a large bell and say...]
Lahit chaim.
[beak's response]
Lahit chaim.
[beak's response]
Lahit chaim.
[beak's response]
[Now present your paper-plate bean-shaker to Moses, and out Stan and Eric to the Elders for not keeping kosher...acting like you suddenly remembered the Squirt's motto from last season...We are Squirts, we are Squirts. We're so kosher that it hurts.
When we get older we'll be Scouts, but until then we are Squirts.]
-FJ ;-)
btw - The producers are thinking of letting you return for a third appearance if you do a good job... You'll get to work on your Chutzpah! badge.
ReplyDelete-FJ
Rob
ReplyDeleteRemember the other day I said that every Gay man I ever knew was happy and had a smirk. I attributed that smirk to not going
clothes shopping with a wife or girlfriend. Four hours to buy a pair of Jeans. In that time the Mad zionist could rout the Phillistines with Duckys Jawbone.
Mr Beamish could conquer Greenlan in about four hours. Warren could cook a sled dog team in that time.
167 is the only miserable Gay person I ever heard of. That is because he lives with himself 24/7
pps - I remember the first time I ever saw beak in action, defending Donal's honor before a rather nefarious troll... and I thought to myself, "Wow, what a gentleman."
ReplyDelete...and so now we all know just how WRONG first impressions can be.
-FJ
this for scorched earth c.f.:
ReplyDeletegetting beak to spell "accademic" right would be like trying to get "w" to say "nuCLEAR"!
ppps - 500 posts, huh. Maybe one of these days, you'll get it right!
ReplyDelete-FJ
keep the beak - gimme the rest of the bird!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of bird brains where is the Duck ?
ReplyDeletei don't know, but if you hum a few bars....(in my best groucho)
ReplyDeleteWell, Congratulations! 500 posts is a heap!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to wander through here and read. I might even comment, if that's okay with you. Even though those comments're going to be late to the party.
Death to Communism and the Communists! Thats' what I think, just in case you're worried I'm another Troll. I like to consider myself a Conservative Gremlin: Destroying the workings of the Great Socialist Conspiracy with Liberty and Freedom.
Yeah, that was a bit self-involved, wasn't it? LOL
Benning all are welcome here. We are usually railing against the forces of evil but every now and then we need a comedy break. This would make a great Saturday bit.
ReplyDeleteEvery Saturday we could roast another blogger.
John Brown tried to hold a segment like this. It didn't work because Brown has no readers class or intelligence.
The Weasel had a roast and invited all of his multiple personalities.
THE BEAK (what ray stevens meant to say)
ReplyDeleteReporter):
Hello, everyone, this is your action news reporter with all the news
that is news across the nation, on the scene at the supermarket. There
seems to have been some disturbance here. Pardon me, sir, did you see
what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I's standin' over there by the tomaters, and here he
come, running through the pole beans, through the fruits and vegetables,
nekkid as a jay bird. And I hollered over t' NANC, I said, "Don't
look, NANC!" But it's too late, she'd already been incensed.
(Chorus)
Here he comes, look at that, look at that
There he goes, look at that, look at that
And he ain't wearin' no clothes
Oh, yes, they call him the BEAK
Look at that, look at that
Fastest thing on two feet
Look at that, look at that
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He goin' give us a peek
Oh, yes, they call him the BEAK
Look at that, look at that
He likes to show off his physique
Look at that, look at that
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique
(Reporter):
This is your action news reporter once again, and we're here at the gas
station. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. I's just in here gettin my car checked, he just appeared
out of the traffic. Come streakin' around the grease rack there, didn't
have nothin' on but a smile. I looked in there, and Ethel was gettin'
her a cold drink. I hollered, "Don't look, NANC!" But it was too
late. She'd already been mooned. Flashed her right there in front of
the shock absorbers.
(Chorus)
He ain't crude, look at that, look at that
He ain't lewd, look at that, look at that
He's just in the mood to run in the nude
Oh, yes, they call him the BEAK
Look at that, look at that
He likes to turn the other cheek
Look at that, look at that
He's always makin' the news
Wearin' just his tennis shoes
Guess you could call him unique
(Reporter):
Once again, your action news reporter in the booth at the gym, covering
the disturbance at the basketball playoff. Pardon me, sir, did you see
what happened?
(Witness):
Yeah, I did. Half time, I's just goin' down thar to get NANC a latte. And here he come, right out of the cheap seats, dribbling, right
down the middle of the court. Didn't have on nothing but his Wolverines's.
Made a hook shot and got out through the concessions stand. I hollered up
at NANC, I said, "Don't look, NANC!" But it was too late. She'd
already got a free shot. Grandstandin', right there in front of the
home team.
(Chorus) (Witness):
Oh, yes, they call him the BEAK Here he comes again.
Look at that, look at that Who's that with him?
The fastest thing on two feet NANC? Is that you, NANC?
Look at that, look at that What do you think you're
He's just as proud as he can be doin'? You git your
Of his anatomy clothes on!
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh, yes, they call him the BEAK NANC! Where you goin'?
Look at that, look at that NANC, you shameless
He likes to show off his physique hussy! Say it isn't so,
Look at that, look at that NANC! NANC!!!
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique
Beak,
ReplyDeleteYou are 500 posts old, congratulations. You sure arent getting any younger...
Cheerio
My 15 yr. old daughter saw your avatar and besides laughing herself silly kept saying, "I LOVE BEAKER!" You now have a groupie! That should be a first!
ReplyDeleteLooking good.
tmw
TMW Mr Beamish has me beat on that count. His avatar has an entire school of artwork dedicated to it.
ReplyDeleteThere is the Mr Beamish kick $^%^^
talking action figure. There is the famous series Jihadi Toy story.
He even has a group of kids called the Beamishteers wearing gasmasks and singing heavy metal music.
Mr Beamish did design my avatar which is fairly popular. It was either Beaker Rambo or the Grim Beaker. Mr Beamish is a genius.
nanc-lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletetmw
beak - where did you say beamish bought his degree in genius?
ReplyDeletehey, thanks for this beak. why, i haven't had this much fun since, well, let me think now, oh yeah, since the last time i had this much fun! talk about great therapy!
ReplyDeletetmw - I THINK I FOUND IT!
ReplyDeleteToss it out to the hogs, I don't want it back! Now how many pounds do I have left?
ReplyDeletewe got rid of the hogs, but i'll see how the chickens like it!
ReplyDeleteChickens eat about anything! Ours used to eat boginvillea blosooms, strip a big bush in minutes. Mole crickets never got away. Hope they enjoy!
ReplyDeletetmw
I'm afraid to ask what color it was Mr. Beam. I graduated HS in the 70's. White tuxedo with a tangerine shirt...lol
ReplyDeleteno appearance from Mr.ducky?
ReplyDeleteCelebrate in style: Roast a moslem for Passover seder.
ReplyDeleteI am diappointed that our official troll did not make a cameo. The Duck missed his chance to show that sense of humor he brags about.
ReplyDeleteMZ maybe he thought I was serious about giving you his jawbone and slaying the Phillistines.
We might have a visit by a Ducky want to be the Weasel but he cries to much.
This idea has worked out so well I may just repeat it with another guest of honor over the weekend.
ReplyDeleteIt is alot of fun and bloggers should not be afraid to try new ideas.
AC No Anum Muhktar either. Felis will be over tonight . I wish Esther and Jason would visit.
Congratulations on your 500th post. Now that you "officially" established, why don't you admit that you are really a liberal and can't wait until Hilary runs in 2008. Don't worry, no one will treat you differently, we all knew it was coming.
ReplyDeleteWow, wow!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is what happens when you live down under.
I am bloody late to sing:
For he's a jolly GOOD FELLOW!
Congratulations Beak!!
Many happy returns.
I didn't know you have the same travel agency as we do in Sydney.
Yes, Magna Carta and I even know the owner - gets me good bargains, but I must say the airlines aren't too good - in fact they're always shitty - like Kayman Isles Sunrise etc.
Come to think of it the holiday destinations arent't all that hot either. Islamabad by night, Tirana pub crawls, Ulan-Bator sightseeing - ohh the memories.
But Mr Beamish says your agent knocks off at 1215 - no wonder you missed the train (or was a boat).
BTW,
Anum is leaving for Pakistan sooooon.
The crime rates in th US makes it impossible to have a decent life here - that's what she said at American Crusader's place.
BTW2 - My first contact with Beak was when he talked about religous tolerance.
I still think his formula is the best.
Felis
ReplyDeleteI am going to have to get together with Warren and Beamish and do another blogger roast with another guest of honor.
I have experimented with many formats and this blogs unpredicability is part of its charm.
da Weaz said...
ReplyDelete"yer full of shit. I've had my blog up for a week and nearly have as many posts as you've gotten for what? A year now? Fa-fucking-pathetic."
The psycho ward is always full. You need to see if the doc will cut your thorazine back a little, it might clear up your speech impediment.
Warren I felt bad for the Weasel.
ReplyDeleteI did a number on him at his blog.
This idea has been a huge hit and we should repeat it with another guest of honor in two weeks.
uh, i won't be here in two weeks - i'm going undercover, yeah, nanc's out of here!
ReplyDeletebeak - soybean called you "broken beaker" over at fpm - what's up?
ReplyDeleteNanc
ReplyDeleteI destroyed Meathead . He is screaming bloody murder and all of the sudden he pulls Hank Snow out of the hat. The whole thing is unraveling.
time to brush up on this lurking i've been hearing so much about...back in a hotflash!
ReplyDeleteokay - i'm back - you tore him a good one!
ReplyDeleteA - Adult
D - Hyperspeed
D - Disorder
getcha some!
This is one helluva party you're throwing over here, Beak! Mazel tov on the 500! Here's to the next 500 being as rip-roaring as the first. Keep kicking ass, keep taking no prisoners and keep working for Beamish For President in '08!
ReplyDeleteEsther
ReplyDeleteSo glad you could make it. I miss having you around.
The troll Anum Muhktar who visited your blog is upset with me over a comedic spoof. Jihadi Toystory feauturing the kick $^%^ talking Mr Beamish action figure and his companion the talking Ann Coulter Doll.
Some people just can't take a joke.
Beaker is the quintessential New Yorker. Vermont was a shocker for him and his ten questions tell it all:
ReplyDelete10. On hearing his first C&W song, the beak said: Country music? What country is that?
9. Mayonnaise on everything?
8. I know I asked for an egg cream but why did you put an egg in it?
7. No sidewalks? Doesn’t anyone walk?
6. You don’t really go down nearly vertical slopes on those two thin things?
5. How come everyone is a cousin of someone?
4. Yoots! Four Yoots were handing at the bar. Why doesn’t anyone understand me?
3. What kind of state is this when the congressional election is between a Democrat and a Socialist?
2. Is this the stage set for Our Town?
And the #1 question that beak asks in Vermont.
1. Is there anything I can eat?
Sorry, Beak. My stand-up routines are lame but my heart is in the right place … and it ain’t Vermont! Not that there’s anything wrong with that place.
My brother Jason now the event is complette . They put ranch dressing on everything up here.
ReplyDeleteAnum
ReplyDeleteI will take that as a compliment.
Most people who know me say I am modest but if it floats your boat.
Allah is that the god that commands death for pagans. That does not seem to be humane to me.
Ranch dressing! OK, I was close. Hidden Valley, I hope.
ReplyDeleteJason it is everywhere up here. Do you want Ranch dressing on your Pastrami ? No I would like mustard.
ReplyDeleteThe whole place looks at me like I got three heads.
Anum claims to be a Baluch ? She is unaware that Ramzi Youseff and Khalid Sheik Mohammed are Baluch. Her original version had the Jews blowing up the WTC. This is offensive to me on a few levels
I hear moslems taste a bit like chicken. Sorry, didn't mean to offend the chickens.
ReplyDeleteyou mean you DON'T have three heads?
ReplyDeleteyou didn't madze - you insulted their beaks!
ReplyDeletepraise be to the G-d of abraham, isaac and jacob - long live the King!
ReplyDeleteallah = curse = satan = santa - you figure it out - i cannot be fooled anum.
that's gotta be j.b. or an extremely reasonable facsimile. do you have some koranlet paper i could borrow - beak's out of wet wipes!
ReplyDeletegoodnight all - for all booking engagements, see my agent, madzionist. thank you. nanc
ReplyDeleteIslam called. I told them we're not interested.
ReplyDeleteJeff, don't hold back!
ReplyDeleteTell Alum Mudbar what you really think!
ROTFLOL
warren - just go cut and past j.b.'s post (minus his name) anywhere in the www-hood and then ask "who said this?" and they'll know - they always know...he has a way with words...
ReplyDeleteLook at the number of comments here!
ReplyDeleteBeak, your idea is a hit!
Jeff,
ReplyDeleteWell, you certainly have a way with words. LOL. That was a classic rant.
j.b. - you know me - i enjoy your terrors as much as you enjoy giving them. i look past the language in your case! and i was laughing so hard i had to leave for a moment or six just to compose myself. for some strange reason, it doesn't sound bad coming from you...hmmmm...
ReplyDeleteJeff Bargholz is very fluent in Profanitese. My compliments to a fellow cunning linguist.
ReplyDeleteAttention all Beak Readers
ReplyDeleteIt is a privilege and an honor
ReplyDeleteTo have this opportunity
ReplyDeleteTo bestow upon this fine blogger
ReplyDeleteA fitting reward for his efforts
ReplyDeleteIn the name of humanity
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentleman
ReplyDeleteI present to you, Beak's 100th comment
ReplyDeleteanytime, fern, anytime...
ReplyDeleteWow, when I saw the sudden increase in comments I thought that a fight was going on!
ReplyDeleteLOL
Jeff's rant pleased my husband to know end. Also, now that my husband has heard a real rant, he no longer views my barbs as insulting.
ReplyDeleteAnum came to my site, condeming and proselytizing. But Anum never addressed the text of my comic-book posting, just the "blasphemous' drawing on the cover of the book. Maybe Anum accepts those passages from the Hadith?
I guess that I'll never get over how pissed off Muslims get over a drawing, but they have no concern about beheaded Indonesian CHILDREN. Twisted logic, if "logic" one can call this perversity.
aow - imagine if one of your kids depicted muhammed as a stick person - oooooooooooooohhh...
ReplyDeleteNanc,
ReplyDeleteNot a bad idea. My students are always doodling on something.
I first met Beak during the great Joooo debates with some idiot called the chemist (who later turned out to be Mark). I admit I never ran into anyone quite like the chemist. Beak came along and showed me that the only way to out this individual was to challenge him on facts. I must admit after taking the Beaks advice he showed me Mark would have made a 5th grade sandbox bully proud in the temper tantrums he exhibited.
ReplyDeleteNow I admit that Beak and I have not always agreed on our view of the world as was exhibited in our great "Rag Headed Dune Jumper debate" Although we did not always agree Beak exhibits one thing all bloggers should learn. How to disagree with out resorting to kindergarten name calling.
I count Beak as a good friend and mentor in Blogging. Although I do not post that many themes on our blog Beak has taught me how to refine and define the message.
And anyone who loves that little mexican rodent "Speedy" as much as I do can in no way be bad.
Congratulations Beak and I look forward to see many more posts from you.
Ayeeeeeeee Aribbaaaaa Aribbaaaaaaa